Author: Jason Zerbey

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Everyone’s Pants Are On Fire

Question from a friend:

What if people were forthright and more honest with each other? I believe there would be so much less pain in the world. It could be done in love and with kindness. Sometimes it’s hard to trust people in this world.

Quick response:

We can only do this for ourselves, in our own relationships. It ain’t easy if you are really thinking about all the things you say to avoid conflict, keep your spouse happy, get that raise, quiet that kid…other people aren’t the problem, we’re all the problem. Trying to make the world sound nicer than it is, it’s manipulation and tears us from reality.

People will lie to you, sure. but what truth did you hide from them? It’s probably a truth that would have scared them off before they lied.

How the Universe manifested a couple hours later:

My sons lied to me about sneaking screen time behind my back and I’m left wondering how I invited this.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Another Terrific Tuesday

We always invite friends and family to explore Winterthur with us and often run into more friends while there. It’s not only a place of natural beauty for us, but a place where we are always made welcome. The staff have become genuine friends, some sending us personal condolences when Mary passed and all offering warm smiles when they see us.

Westen got a little extra care after his “shave” today.

The young volunteers embody the same ethic. Each Tuesday we get to know the high-school student helpers a little better and enjoy their enthusiasm.

As always, we came away with cool creations, stronger relationships, more knowledge, and wonderful memories.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Love Lessons Learned

I learned from MLK Jr. to love the oppressor as he is as much a victim of a broken system as the oppressed. I learned from Jordan Peterson that each of us has an oppressor inside. I learned from Louise Hay that I need to love all of myself, oppressor and oppressed. I learned from heartbreak that you can love someone and not be in their presence, but hold space for them in your heart and in your life. This goes for the broken, the deceased, and those who don’t want your love. Love does not promise reciprocity. Through the loss of my wife I learned that love is more powerful than death. That moment took God’s love out of the theoretical and put it in my heart.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Lego Zen and Sorting: Building With Technic Challenge

Through the sorting process I noticed that Technic elements give me the hardest time. I don’t have them in a centralized location and I don’t have a fluency in their functions. This is a symptom of having not spent much time building in this theme, which is generally geared toward vehicles and other machines.

Although I love problem solving, I have not become familiar with many of these pieces and how they can be used to create moving models.

As a personal challenge, I’m going to seek out models in this theme and pay attention to how they’re put together. I hope that I can share what I learn and maybe you can sharpen your Technic skills along with me.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Backstage with Delaware Shakespeare

A few minutes on stage, a few minutes in the “pit” with the audience, and the opportunity to stand alongside the cast as they receive well-earned ovations, a simple and smooth first night of several that my sons get to participate in Delaware Shakespeare‘s production of The Merry Wives of Windsor.

It’s been quite a week as they polished their lines for Pages Alive Theater‘s take on Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing and got an offer to be introduced to a film producer.

All of these connections have come through our learning lifestyle. Pages Alive is a homeschool organization and I was introduced to the Artistic Director of DelShakes as a representative of the homeschool community (I’ll address the futility of generalizing home educators in a future post).

Although I gave them the exposure, I never expected this much enthusiasm for the stage. It is one of the many wonderful surprises we’ve found with home education.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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BJJ Everyday

We are blessed by our relationship with Elevated Studios in Wilmington, Delaware.

In our travels we’ve visited ten or so grappling schools. Not once have I thought, “I wish Stephen did things more like this.” I have yet to see anywhere offer as many opportunities to train (six youth classes per week!), nor nearly the focus on the practicing and refining of technique.

My sons don’t train everyday and we rarely attend the six possible classes, but I see the benefits of the discipline many times a day. They move with intention and confidently own their space. If they fall, as they often do, they’re rarely hurt. When they are scraped, stung, or bruised, they recognize the pain as temporary and move through it. If they are confronted by an aggressive child, they know how to manage physical conflict and control themselves. I witnessed my elder son bitten during a a friendly wrestle and not lose his temper or use retaliatory techniques.

They’ve been taught that pain is a necessary component of life and, through regular matches and application of submission moves, learned how to respond to it.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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What Do I Miss?

I’m growing more comfortable with being a single parent. The RV we borrow for many of our adventures only has three seats and our boy-centric life is a lot of fun.

It’s allowed me to more patiently evaluate what I miss about having a partner. Not necessarily the things I miss about Mary, but the one-on-one exchanges with an intimate partner.

I’ve learned that physical closeness holds more meaning in my heart than I realized. Not for its own sake, but as an expression, exploration, and expansion of love and compassion. “Casual” isn’t in my vocabulary of physical intimacy. I still crave physical connection, but now know better the significance it holds for me.

More difficult is not having someone with whom to process the day’s happenings. Adventures and struggles with my sons, soccer wins and losses, or the podcasts I consumed while doing dishes and laundry, they’re all sitting inside me at the end of the day. I do have a couple very special friends I talk with on occasion. I find we can unwind problems that seem to solve themselves just through verbalizing them. I miss that dearly as a daily practice.

Writing has lightened my mental load, problems often find their own solutions and the process can be as bold and freeing as a good conversation. But it is not the same as going on a verbal expedition with someone you care about and who cares about you. That is special and, at least for me, necessary.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Absolute Beginner: The Yoga Is Working

I’ve been practicing yoga for a few weeks and my focus has remained on mechanics. Well, to be more accurate: I’m just trying to keep up with the class and not injure myself.

Today was different. Not in the struggle to keep up with new poses, but in my intention. I noticed that the attendance card box was labelled “M-Z”. The instructors have been very kind to me and up to this point had been pulling my card for me, I hadn’t paid attention to the box.

My late wife’s name was Mary Zerbey. There’s more in those initials than the reminder of our life together or her yoga mat under my arm.

She was Mary Fisher for almost 37 years, Mary Zerbey for less than 11. I have learned that the Mary I know is unique. She only exists in my mind and the people who knew her for all of her 47 years don’t have the same person in their minds. It’s a peculiar revelation of grief, of how we exist differently in individual minds. My love for her is mine alone, as is my love for anyone.

I got to my mat with an odd intention, to release the love I had attached to people in my life and to bring it back into myself. A totally new idea for me. Up to now I’ve been sharing as much love as I can stand while simultaneously seeking it internally. Specifically, I focused on a recent love that was no longer serving my independent, forward movement.

Class was thoroughly challenging and I had no space to consciously reflect on my intention.

We stretched out for shavasana, or corpse pose, to close our practice and images from my dreams appeared. I watched an ancient planet, the source of powerful dream stories since childhood, fall towards a new landscape I had been wandering for weeks, searching for meaning. The collision destroyed both worlds, killing millions on the old planet and shattering the barren wilderness under my feet.

I went to tears under the cool towel over my eyes.

The old quest to find love in the world is over. I’m ready to find it in myself.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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A Terrific Tuesday at Winterthur

These kids are locked onto learning about inertia.

For seven years I’ve been witnessing this level of engagement on hot summer days, no #SummerSlide in sight.

Terrific Tuesdays happen at Winterthur Estate throughout July and August. Our first visit in 2013 turned into a membership purchase and we try to make as many of these events each year as we are able.

Of course, the activities offer a great reason to discover the always changing and always beautiful gardens.

After five hours of hiking, playing, and learning, my sons had tired bodies and activated minds.

We’ll be back.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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The Beast

“You’re a beast back there.”

It’s the most frequent compliment I get from teammates and opponents. Soccer is where I’ve consistently acted out the integration of my shadow into my persona. It’s come from an overdeveloped sense of work ethic. When every striker seemed bigger, stronger, faster, more skilled, or better equipped, I figured that I could out work any one of them. Pushing myself to never give up on any play introduced me to the beast. Through the work I’ve gotten stronger, faster, and a bit more skillful. Game after game I found unlikely successes and built neural shortcuts to the beast.

It’s there at every kickoff now. It’s part of my game, part of me that is entirely under control in a seemingly wild way.

I have a lot more beasts to contend with, trickier and nastier monsters, but I know how to work and how to use them for my betterment.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason