Author: Jason Zerbey

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The Personal Pronoun Problem

My name is Jason Zerbey. In my 39th year I found Jesus and lost my wife, Mary Zerbey.

We were home educating our 6- and 8-year-old boys. I was the lead educator and Mary supported us financially through her job, emotionally through her love, and spiritually through her spirit.

Now I’m trying to puzzle together our new life without her. She provided too much to replace, but more than we need to celebrate her legacy through our exploits.

I stopped drinking, but I still can’t speak clearly. “We” used to cover it all. No matter if I was on my own or in any temporal combination of Zerbeys, it was always, “We went here ,” “We did this,” “We decided that…” Everything was as a team. The Zerbey Three are still a team, but there’s now an “I” that has to show up.

I’m very much out of “I” practice.

With many blessings, we are surrounded by amazing communities here in Delaware and worldwide who are uplifting that “I.” Even so, I can’t decide whether they are “my boys” or “our boys.” Context seems to matter, but I have learned to listen to my heart more closely than I do the Chicago Manual of Style or Grammar Girl.

We Zerbey Three still feel Mary working in our lives. God has taken her body, but He’s left us her nearly boundless love. We’re on this new journey with Mary and for Mary.

So if you catch me using an awkward-sounding “we,” don’t worry, it’s not denial, it’s truth.

God bless,

Jason

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February Took My Mary, April Brought Back Poetry

Mary always wanted me to write her a poem.

I had hit a 12-man defense of writer’s block shortly before we met and was never able to work my way through it. I don’t know why I stopped writing or why I couldn’t start again. Maybe I got too practical, political, earthly. Or maybe the healing I found in poetry was now embodied in this beautiful spirit who was leading me into a fuller and healthier life.

The books of poetry, the journals, and the floppy disks of verse are still around, but I haven’t really shared that old passion with my children. Losing Mary has stripped me right down to all my weaknesses. The worst is when they seem like too much for me to overcome. The best is when I can take a breath and confront one.

As National Poetry Month, April used to be special for me. This April can feel like the cruelest at times, but God has placed poetry in front of me again and I won’t ignore it. My younger son picked up a book seemingly about dragons and it turned out to be about Matsuo Basho.  Then I ran into Jonathan Whitney at Delaware Art Museum and he encouraged me to attend a special music and poetry presentation at The Delaware Contemporary. It was a “say yes” moment and helped orient our lives in a healing direction.

The Twin Poets and Mélomanie were amazing and Jonathan was fierce on the box drum.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My boys sat for nearly two hours in the front row and really listened. The younger wanted to buy the Twin’s book of poetry, Our Work, Our Words and I quickly learned that it was specifically for the soccer and E-A-G-L-E-S–infused piece, “no time to study.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poetry is back in our lives and the timing is no coincidence. I don’t know if I’ll finally be able to write that poem for Mary, or if one of the boys will take up the task, but I do know that we’re missing a beautiful part of our lives and we’re trying to fill it with tangible and intangible creations of love. I expect a lot of that work to be done in words.

God bless,

Jason

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Knee Deep in Nature

To Delaware Nature Society,

You, your lands, and your programs have meant much to our family for a long time. There are too many properties, events, and adventures to list. Mary was with us every time she could be and I sent her pictures from each one of our visits without her. We had our most peaceful moments as a family while outside, discovering. We’re a very active bunch, but trekking with Mary and our boys helped teach me how to quiet down, slow down, and observe. I thought I was doing it to show them, but I ended up learning a lot about nature and myself.

It’s hard to conceive of a beautiful life without Mary. Even when I recognize beauty in the world I want to share it with someone who isn’t here.

But we will find peace and comfort outside. We’ll see Mary in the snowdrops, lambs, bird songs, still ponds, rolling streams, bunnies, and familiar faces of all the Nature Society’s lands.

Thank you and God bless,

Jason

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Where the Angels Ever Sing

This would have been Mary’s first Easter as a Christian and member of Aldersgate United Methodist Church. She was very patient with me as I took the long path to Salvation. She just led the way, showed me what it was to live like a Christian before we made any promises.

We had attended Aldersgate for a couple years and enjoyed the variety and energy of the community. We volunteered in small ways and engaged in their fun social events, but I had an obstacle that prevented me from being ready for baptism. I couldn’t identify my problem directly and felt stuck. Right around this time I was invited to join a new men’s Bible study organized through the church. As He had done so many times before, God offered me another baby step towards Him. Mary is the one who made it happen. She was our master scheduler and ensured that I attended as many of these weekly meetings as possible. She was naturally in tune with God and effortlessly did His work on Earth.

I finally spent time with God’s word: reading, listening, and discussing. I was surprised at the excitement I felt on academic, spiritual, and psychological levels. (If you’re unsure if “faith” is right for you, listen to Jordan Peterson’s Psychological Significance of the Biblical Stories lecture series.) It wasn’t real time, but at a certain point I realized that I believed in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I had seen God in the natural world from an early age. I had known I wasn’t just lucky, that the Holy Spirit had been working through me for some purpose for years. But I didn’t know Jesus Christ until I spent time with the Word. Seems stupid now, how in the world would I get to know someone without listening to him? However stupid I was, I’m confident I know less now. But, at least, I know a couple very important things.

Mary’s there with Him now. Free of this awful, suffering world. Being patient with me again, peacefully waiting for me to join her. I don’t know when my work here will be done, but I know the reward of eternal life will be that much sweeter knowing Mary is there.

Thank you and God bless,

Jason

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Your Corner

Two years ago, Delaware Art Museum started a new tradition with their Kids’ Corner by inviting an Artist-in-Residence family to design and revamp the space each year. The most exciting part of this plan was to involve all of the museum’s families to participate in the shaping of the kid-friendly area.

Delaware Art Museum was where I first envisioned how adventurous home education could be. I left my job and came home to take care of a three-month-old and a two-year-old while my wife, Mary, supported our family. She suggested the Museum and I ventured out on one of our earliest excursions. It was challenging, but it was also enlightening. We could spend most of the day in this venue that I thought was meant for adults. We could talk about paintings and sculptures, sit and read books in Kids’ Corner, or be a little more structured and attend the weekly (and fantastic) Glory of Stories program.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was, and still am, an absolute museum novice, but it didn’t matter. I quickly figured out that I didn’t have to be a “teacher” to my boys, I could learn alongside them and simply bring my excitement for knowledge acquisition.

This coming Sunday, families can come and feel that same excitement as the Museum unveils the newest incarnation of Kids’ Corner. You’ll be invited to participate in remaking the space and then visit all year and be able to say to your child, “You helped build this.”

God bless,

Jason

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Excuse Me, Is That an Aerialist in Your Gallery?

Last year we attended Woodmere Art Museum’s Circus and Storytelling Family Festival.

Thankfully, the event is returning this year on Sunday, April 8th, 12:00-4:00 pm.

Woodmere is a beautiful museum in Chestnut Hill, Pennsylvania. They have some exciting exhibitions on now and I would recommend a visit to any family on any day.

But! The Family Festival is extra special. Stiltwalkers, storytelling, and the exceedingly entertaining Little Circus.  Along with the Give & Take Jugglers, we’ve seen the Little Circus perform at Brandywine River Museum of Art and Longwood Gardens. The act is not to be missed and my boys always make sure to get a front row spot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spring is already getting busy, but this is one event you should make sure to get to.

Thanks and God bless,

Jason

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An Elevated Family

Three years ago this month our boys began training Brazilian jiu-jitsu at Elevated Studios.

Stephen and Renée Plyler have become so much to our family. They are mentors to our boys and treat them as equals. Stephen is an expert instructor and Renée always wants to know what’s happening on the home education front.

When Mary was sick, Stephen came and visited her and Renée is often watching the boys for me. They were at Mary’s memorial service and I can always count on them when I need help.

Incredibly, Elevated is even bigger than these two impressive individuals.  When the Roll for Zerbeys fundraiser was held, the studio was packed with students of all ages, parents, friends, and family. The children grappled with each other and black belts.

It’s not just skill that’s lifted up at Elevated. Every day they are empowering others to be stronger in mind, body, and spirit. I’ve learned a lot by observing Stephen’s teaching techniques and discussing the ins-and-outs of home education with Renée. My boys are more significant humans thanks to their guidance.

God bless,

Jason

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Learn Do

We love knowledge in the Zerbey house. But knowledge without purpose can be dangerous. Don’t get me wrong, I love “useless” facts and trivia. If you’re going to be excited about the acquisition of information, you’re going to end up with a lot of weird debris in your head. But it’s not without purpose if it is part of a habit and lifestyle of learning, if it keeps you educating yourself and those around you even when you don’t mean to.

All knowledge can be interesting and useful, but it is up to the student to bring purpose.

Apprenticeships look like the future to me, but opportunities are lacking for now. I like the idea of internships as they are voluntarily entered into by people who have an interest in something that is actually happening in their world, right now. Delaware Museum of Natural History just announced their 2018 internship program.

My boys are a wee young for an internship, but they love the Museum. I suspect they’ll find their way behind the scenes one day.

God bless,

Jason

 

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Love and Math

Our second son was born in 2011.

Love was multiplied. Our first born came to visit his new baby brother and love multiplied again.

Of all the blessings Mary and I received, none compare to our two boys. They gave us higher purpose and brought us closer to God. They put us on a path to be saved by Christ, deschool ourselves, and create a life centered on learning.

Life is immeasurably better with children. Not always happier, and certainly not easier, but it is better.

For these reasons and more I’d like you to consider supporting a GoFundMe campaign to help an old friend adopt. I’ve met some amazing adoptive parents and I know Majesta will be an awesome mom.

I met Majesta nearly 20 years ago and she was almost entirely responsible for launching me on a backpacking adventure across New Zealand and Australia. For Christmas this year, Mary got an Oz-formatted VHS tape of me skydiving converted to DVD and we watched it for the first time. That journey still lives in our family and I am so grateful for Majesta and the friendship we had.

Unfortunately, Majesta never met Mary. One night I stood my ground on principals that I thought were more important than a great friendship and I ruined that friendship. I first laid eyes on Mary during that ridiculous argument. She was dancing with her sisters at an upstairs bar in Rehoboth Beach. Who could miss that? Better question: What possessed me to go to the quieter downstairs bar with Majesta to fight over the perfect familial arrangement?

Mary having a good time and me across the room pushing buttons in a heated discussion, it was like we were already married.

I met Mary, and I lost Majesta, later that weekend. They would have been marvelous friends, having fun and keeping me in check.

As I take inventory of this life without Mary, the holes and empty places seem to be everywhere. I’ve got to keep filling them with love. She left us with so much and there’s no reason to stop multiplying it.

Please consider helping Majesta and Stephan multiply their love: https://www.gofundme.com/give-them-the-adoption-option.

God bless,

Jason

 

 

 

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Do-It-Yourself Lego Storage

Maybe you have a ton of Lego or maybe you’re just getting started with your collection. Either way, you’ve got to do something with them. Without going into all the possibilities, we’re re-builders. My boys get a cool set, build it, savor it for a couple weeks, then break it down to use the components. So we sort and store our bricks to keep them ready for the next building session.

Without spending hundreds on clear plastic drawers or ready-made solutions, we often employ the actual Lego boxes to hold our loose bricks. If you’re willing to carry the cost of new-in-box Lego, why not reuse that expensive packaging?

It’s super simple: Choose a box from a set with 200+ pieces. They’re sturdier than the smaller sets and will last forever. I wouldn’t use a 300+ set box for anything but the largest bricks and elements. Otherwise, you’re in a perpetual needle-in-a-haystack swirl.

Use a box cutter or scissors to cut down the sides of the face of the box to create the lid. Start at the end that’s already open and don’t trim anything off. Open the new lid and apply duct tape (I love Gorilla Tape, I’ve had to replace cheaper stuff after a while) to the back wall of the tray. I mistakenly cut the back side of the box for this lid, so I needed those little rectangles along the top seam, it wasn’t enough and I replaced them with larger strips later.

Tape closed the open wall of the tray with as much, or as little, tape as you like to get your desired look.

Now, the lid will close with the extra tab actually fitting back in the box to secure it for storage.

For display, fold the lid backwards and bend it across the bottom seam of the box to create a new fold. It may not sit flat immediately, but after having some weight in it the box should sit just fine and the lid will still return to the closed position.

My first experiments with this technique were with much flimsier cereal boxes, but even those have lasted years with little maintenance.

Please put any questions in the comments section. I’ll have a lot more to say on Lego sorting and storage in the future.

God bless,

Jason