Dangerous Practice

Big mixed emotions after training last night.

Westen is a tiny kid. At 13, he’s eligible for the adult class, but he doesn’t always look like he belongs. Last night he was partnered with another young practitioner and they were being a little silly during drills. I don’t sweat it too much because they are both serious when it comes to resistance training.

With each round of resistance training, we switch partners. Westen asked the biggest guy in the room for a match. He was at least 200 pounds and over six feet tall. He was also a brand new student and I sensed that he thought it was an odd request.

At some point in the next few minutes, Westen executed a clockwork choke from the back and the new student didn’t tap in time. He lost conciousness and it was a dramatic, and frankly scary, scene of snoring, shaking, and sputtering. He came to quickly, but was clearly dazed and shaken.

Westen was shaken too. He didn’t know how much power he had in his scrawny arms. I’ve never seen him lose his cool or roll with any intention to hurt anyone. He took on all the responsibility for this unfortunate event. He was close to tears.

Although he will learn from this and potentially let up sooner in the future, the responsibility lays on the individual getting choked. This is difficult for a new student who doesn’t think he can be choked out by a child. It is, however, critical in understanding how dangerous this practice is.

Everyone in the room was reminded of the stakes of what we are doing.

Soccer Beat Me Up

And so did these kids.

After Sunday’s soccer I was hobbling around and more achy than usual. I didn’t think too much of it. I play hard and the bruises are inevitable. I heal quickly and my body soon craves more movement.

This week was different. It didn’t feel like an especially punishing game, but I was sore for days. I rested and abstained from jiu-jitsu and yoga. On Wednesday I had a wrestling match with these boys. They’re getting strong and I think six of them joined in at one point. That didn’t speed my healing, but I need this kind of activity.

I returned to yoga and jiu-jitsu today. It was a lot and I didn’t train as long as I had planned. I try to know my limits and stop when I need.

I’ll take another break before soccer on Sunday. I can’t stop for too long.

Do Black Belts Recite Soliloquys?

I butchered half a line of Shakespeare while being smothered and it felt like a victory.

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“Think of the universe,” ran through my mind as I was under a brown belt mount and could feel the last minute of the match counting down. There was no space there. I needed some. I needed all the space. I needed the universe. Panic is scary. All I had to do was tap and I could make it go away. I could be safe and breath fresh air. But that’s not the goal, not even one of the goals. The goal is to put that panic in its place. “Hey, Panic, fuck off, we’re safe here, we can breath. Check this out.” Slow inhale, slow exhale. “Fuck, okay, that was tough, maybe you’re right, maybe we went full white belt this time and we’re gonna get hurt.” Slow inhale, slow exhale. “Think of the universe.”

The space is getting smaller and the Panic gets a voice, “Shakespeare? You can’t even get Shakespeare right?” “The universe has a lot of air. More air than I’ll ever need. I can breath all that air right now. I’m not being choked. If you get your way we will get choked.”

This was in the third match and fifteenth minute of rolling. It wasn’t enough to just breath, I had to be active in my defense and try to get out of an impossible situation. I didn’t get out, not nearly. I also didn’t tap to Panic or allow a submission. I went on for two more matches.

Till then, think of the world.

That’s Cassius’s line, but I needed more than a world of air.

Promoted

Westen has been training in the adult program at Elevated Studios for a few weeks.

He was rewarded for his hard work with what will be his final youth belt. He’s gone without earning a youth belt for a long time. Once he realized that it meant little towards his eventual adult promotions, he stopped completing the tests for stripes and belts. He no longer needed the outward signal of his experience, he showed it in his performance and mentoring of newer students.

I’m so proud of this little guy, he’s undaunted by his size and he is a force in the adult program.

Be Dangerous, Then Good

This kid got a little more dangerous today.

After years of training in the youth program at Elevated Studios, he joined the adult class and reignited his passion for the sport and art of jiu-jitsu.

Jesus told his disciples to carry swords. He toppled the money changers’ tables and whipped them. His ideas continue to upend the structures of oppression. He remains dangerous to this day.

I’ve watched a lot of good men fall in line with the oppressors. Good isn’t enough. Good avoids conflict in spite of cost. Good lets evil run free.

Good fails when it is not dangerous.

A Good Day For Bad Jiu-Jitsu

When I first met my girlfriend in person, I doubted it would become romantic. She was seeing someone, lived an hour away, and had been clear about not wanting to be pursued.

It created a safe space, there weren’t games of seduction.

We talked about what we wanted in all our relationships, not just the romantic ones. I told her I wanted contenders, men and women who would push me as hard as they loved me.

Kristen has become one of the main contenders in my life. She loves me deeply and pushes me to be more than I am. She didn’t let me make excuses to skip jiu-jitsu training tonight. She called me out on my bullshit.

I got myself to Elevated Studios and got beat up.

I don’t think I could be more grateful for my lack of conditioning and flailing technique tonight. I pushed my self to dizziness and got off the mat before I got hurt.

We don’t voluntarily go to our uncomfortable limits often enough. Voluntary stress limits the power that involuntary stressors can have over us.