Category: Learning Lifestyle

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My Curious Little Man

I’ll start with a small self-gratitude for my intentional and disciplined approach to media consumption. On Election Day and the day after, I didn’t see, nor hear, any news. I was focused on our lives as a family and we had a great couple of days without distraction.

My big gratitude is for the little bugger who wrecked my plans. My older son, Westen, got curious about who won the election late on Wednesday. I told him I didn’t want to know and I didn’t want him searching for the answer.

Luckily, he’s a Zerbey and would never listen to an incurious authority figure. While I played soccer, he looked up the results. Of course, he couldn’t find anything satisfying and told me after the game. I’m not the best dad I can be at night after a workout, so I chided him for disobeying my request. It took me a few minutes to apologize and tell him that he had done the right thing, that if you have a desire for knowledge, you should let no one stand in the way. I told him I would have done the same thing.

I’m blessed by my rebels. They humble me and teach me everyday.

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Not Imposing My Will on Others

I don’t determine my potential by who is in elected office. I am the driving force in my life.

I participated in politics for 20+ years. Voting, phone banking, volunteering for the Republican National Convention in Philly in 2000, attending city council meetings, speaking at school board meetings, Tweeting wildly in the pre-censorship days, watching C-SPAN and listening to Rush Limbaugh at age 16 and spinning that into a 24-hour TV news habit, and generally believing all those activities were important.

Then I had children.

I turned off the TV. That’s adult stuff, right? I don’t want to poison there minds with that…yet.

Then I came home to take care of those children and facilitate their development full time. That was around 2009-2011 and I was sure Obama was our greatest villain. He and Hillary were getting us into unnecessary conflicts in the Middle East and I was with the Right on all the arguments against him. It took me a long time to unwind my hypocrisy.

In that period, I was working out my principles and how to pass them on to my sons (as I thought that was my job as a parent). I hadn’t found faith in Jesus Christ yet and had no easy source for answers. I was working on my simplest truths.

I decided to formulate how I would explain my support for Bush’s wars and opposition to Obama’s (and both Clintons’) wars to my sons when they were ready. I couldn’t do it. The Golden Rule kept getting in the way. How could I act one way in my life and support the opposite policy in my political beliefs? Lesser of two evils? That’s a false choice. The near term cost may be great, but good is always an option.

It was a slow, quiet, and internal process. I had wanted to be a dad since I was ten. I had put a lot of thought into it and this was the first time I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that I was in the right place. I was learning at least as much from my sons as they were learning from me.

As we grew into a homeschooling family, I discovered Tom Woods and libertarian philosophies. My wife and I were taking on a task that many assume is the role of government. If we could be responsible to educate ourselves and our sons, what else could motivated individuals accomplish? What could they NOT accomplish?

The Non-Aggression Principle (NAP) was the concept that cleared away contradictions in my mind that I had been trying to reconcile. It is the articulation of the Golden Rule in political terms. I was finally able to say that I had been wrong and that I can be right going forward.

In 2016, I was driving my young sons to vote in the Presidential Primary in Delaware. Our polling place was in the church that I would eventually join as a follower of Christ’s Way. Trump was on a roll and it seemed that Ted Cruz was the only one who might stop him. I was torn and discussed it with my sons. I told them war and education were my biggest issues. Cruz was better on education and Trump was better on war. My seven-year-old asked, “You have to decide between war and homeschooling?” Crap. Simultaneously, he exposed the false choice and gave me the answer I still give today, “If the people are dead, you can’t educate them and you can’t move their hearts.”

I’m pretty slow, so I didn’t absorb all of that before pulling the lever for Trump that day. I was more right than I knew, Cruz eventually tried to meddle in homeschooling from the Senate and he (or Hillary) certainly would have given us more dead bodies through military conflict. But that would be the last vote I cast.

I came to learn that democracy is one group of people imposing their values on a larger group of people (most Americans do not vote for the winning candidate) through force of law. I could no longer support that system of aggression.

Today, my sons have their own political ideas. They discuss candidates and issues with their friends in a juvenile manner that isn’t far off adult conversations on the topic. I see my role as always advocating for the opposite position as best I can. Freedom and voluntarism extend into my parenting. I’m not here to direct their thoughts, but as a stone for them to sharpen their blades upon.

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Honor Your Body

This’ll sound simplistic to many, but maybe it is this simple:

Most people survived the virus with no masks in November to April. The answer then is still the answer: Healthier people are more capable of surviving pathogens.

Every person can be healthier, whether immunocompromised or in seemingly peak health.

The answer is better choices for yourself, because health is individual. Only you can know your body and what it needs. Educate yourself about yourself, then learn what you can do to better honor your body, then do ONE THING better.

Once you see results from that one thing, you will be hungry for the next thing. Then you will be as powerful in the world as you should be.

Hold on, I gotta take this call from Jocko…

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The (Co-opted) Courage of Children

I wasn’t feeling strong yesterday. Something insane inside me told me to do the most physically and mentally demanding thing currently in my regimen to say, “No,” to those thoughts.

I signed up for a Brazillian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) class. In the last four days I’ve had two soccer matches, pilates and yoga, another BJJ class, and I’ve got more soccer tonight. I knew this would challenge my mind and body to a new place of strength.

I was the only white belt in the small class, I grappled with black, brown, blue, and purple belts. As I started my second match with the brown belt, I thought about how improbable this all was. Everything I’ve heard about BJJ is terrifying. I don’t think I would ever walk into a gym and ask for this punishment. I’ve never wrestled, lifted, or even watched ultimate fighting. My physical identity was as a relatively small soccer player.

(By the way, do not think about this kind of crap while you’re trying to pass guard on someone who’s been training for 15 years. That’s all I have for BJJ advice.)

My connection was my sons’ participation in the art. They won lessons almost six years ago in a raffle drawing I didn’t remember entering. My older, Westen, has been training for half his life. Stephen and Reneé Plyler of Elevated Studios have been the most consistently supportive adults in my boys’ lives aside from me.

Under Stephen’s guidance, Westen has become the tiniest powerhouse and mentor you could imagine. I’ve seen him grow into a guide for new students and a glutton for larger opponents in training and competition. I’ve never seen him shy away from a challenge on the mat.

It’s not just Stephen, but the community he has built. Adult practitioners have regularly worked with Westen and volunteered to coach him in competition. Elevated held a fundraiser for us when we lost Mary. The turnout was humbling. I knew then that BJJ was a blessing bestowed on us by God.

I still didn’t expect to practice myself.

Parenting takes bravery. Duh, we knew that, it’s a prerequisite. When you choose to homeschool, unschool, free-range, or just plain trust your children with their own fate, you are choosing to test the limits of that bravery.

You will watch them do dangerous things on scooters and skateboards, climb higher than you can stomach, and take risks on stage. Westen once volunteered to read Shakespeare on stage when he knew that he couldn’t read. My heart sank at what a failure that moment could be, how devastating the looks of the audience could become. But he was away, hand raised, charging toward David Stradley of Delaware Shakespeare. There was my fearful investment in that moment. My ego as a homeschooling dad was in danger of my perceived failure to teach my son how to read. I learned a lot in that moment as Westen asked for the lines to be read in his ear. His fearlessness is inspirational. He made me a better dad and human with his courage.

Years later I would feel failure again as I entered him in the wrong division in a BJJ tournament. My miscalculation of his weight and a combining of higher divisions put him well out of his class. I still feel the pain of that mistake, but Westen was undaunted. He fought hard in match after match with experienced competitors who had a seemingly insurmountable advantage of weight. He fought like he could win every time. He cried only after the competiton was done and he hadn’t had one victory. I figured I had ruined BJJ for him. Once he got changed and we were walking to the car, he asked, “When’s the next one, Dad?”

That kind of strength and bravery is unstoppable. He never says no to training, competition, performance, or any new challenge.

God has granted me the privilege of this compassionate warrior in my temporary care. He’s a coach, fellow student, and inspiration to me every day.

I survived a night of arm bars and chokes and I’m feeling strong again. A funny feeling after all the tears this post inspired. It’s all process and I’m grateful for this forum to work out my thoughts in difficult moments.

And I’m grateful for you reading this, God bless,

Jason

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Local Unschool Adventures

Labyrinth walking is my favorite way to mark the changing of the seasons. Delaware Art Museum‘s Labyrinth is a special place for me to reflect on the previous season and open myself to a new season of possibility.

We also explored Hagley Museum and Library to see the Delaware Discoveries mural there. While exploring the wooded areas of the property, we came across a beautiful fox that was very curious about our presence.

We also had the nice surprise of seeing a friend of ours who volunteers at many of the local attractions. He gave us a quick tour of the powder mills and quizzed us as he knew it wasn’t our first visit.

God bless, I appreciate and thank you,

Jason

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Screen Time, Gently

This is one of those pictures we don’t share. An #optoutside hashtag would be ironic, at best. They aren’t on educational apps nor watching informational videos. It’s that side of unschooling that makes unschoolers (even radical ones) cringe a little.

There’s always a family that appears to being doing “better.” As little screen time (I include any content on a screen) as we get relative to national averages, I still see the absolutists, world schoolers, and off-grid livers who seem to have a lock on the analog life.

My social media feeds are full of images of my sons up trees and in streams, but there is an almost daily negotiation around screen time that often becomes a battle.

One of the hardest things for me is at the end of a day of adventure. We’ve seen friends, explored new places, met new people, enjoyed an audiobook en route, and finished with a sweet treat; yet just before bed, “Dad, did you put the tablet on the charger, it’s at 36%.”

My ego flares up, “What? Did you not just have the most amazing day without a screen? Aren’t you ready to abandon the digital life for one of lively connection?” An exaggeration, but I’ve come close to these words.

Last night was one of those nights (although they did have some tablet time during the day). But I held back my ego and said, “I’ll get it charged up in the morning.”

It works better when I’m gentle. Sometimes they binge and I cringe, but we never have time in the car and our frequent weekends away are usually screen free. I’ve got boudaries, but they’re not set around minutes on a device.

So, there they are, at a playground on a beautiful day, playing goofball games. I try to be gentle with them and myself. Please be gentle with your children and, especially, yourself.

God bless, I appreciate and thank you,

Jason

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Screen Time, Kinda

A Twitter exchange got me thinking about screen time in a different light as I’ve been wrestling with the questions of how much/how long/what content…etc…just like every other half-decent parent.

Let me start somewhere else. I happened to see this exchange shortly before giving in to my inner boy and taking my sons to Dave and Buster’s to escape the heat and burn too much money. Mary and I had been once, long ago, probably before a concert on Philly’s Penn’s Landing, I can’t recall. She wasn’t a video gamer, although she had the competitive heart of a gamer. We played an odd horse-racing game that involved feeding and training the horse before the race. We got to name our horse and received a card with her picture and name on it. Ms. Deathray. I kept that card in my wallet for years until the name and everything else wore off. Mary used to bring up the subject of our horse once in a while and we would regret that we hadn’t visited her. A private joke that’s just a bit of ghost now.

I love video games. A good one will consume my time and penetrate my dreams. It’s the oldest secret in storytelling: tell an old story that everyone already knows, even if they’ve never heard it. The stories come from our dreams, so they are more than happy to go home there.

I can recognize when a game gets into my head and begins to take up too much space, but I don’t think children have that governor. Now comes that hard question: As someone who espouses and promotes voluntarism, how much do I impose the lessens I’ve learned and how much do I allow my children to learn those same lessons for themselves? An age-old question that gets really real when your son has tears coming down his face in the ticket redemption store. #BadDad moment number…well, I don’t keep a tally.

Hold on. Let me tie this back to the Twitter exchange. Daring to simplify: analog toys vs. digital toys. What do children crave most? Before we spent hours at D&B: my sons biked around a campground and found some friends (apparently almost fought one), watched me do laundry, had lunch at a legit BBQ joint, visited a butterfly garden, wrestled over a box turtle (I think it’s okay), found some magnificent plums at a roadside stand, visited a library, shopped for a week’s worth of provisions and partook in many samplers at BJ’s Wholesale, and bucket-lined said provisions into our RV.

That should pause you. It pauses me. To paraphrase Jesus: Walk while you have the light.

Mary indulged in life. I did too. When we joined forces, it felt like we were stretching the fabric of each day to its tearing point. I don’t want to slow down. It’s not in my nature and listing one (half) day’s activities before hours of fun on arcade games alerts me to the richness of our lives.

I’m not going to get back to the Twitter exchange in this post, but it did get me thinking about important things.

The fact is that you don’t know what that child who’s on a device has been doing all day. You don’t know what he or she has faced, overcome, had to bear. Same goes for adults. Jesus has taught me to engage, ask questions, get to know people. Their lives are harder than you can imagine. Their pain will seem worse than yours and their achievements greater. Their survival will inspire you. If you listen hard enough and long enough you will learn about generations of hurt.

I’m preaching and I’m not good at practicing. But I’m working on that. You don’t experience pain if you don’t experience love. That’s fundamental, you don’t need faith to see that.

For me, I’ve got that faith and a knowledge that God wants something big out of me. He knows I won’t fold on a hard gamble, better or worse.

I promise to do a post on screen time, I had lots of words on that before I actually started typing.

God bless, I appreciate and thank you,
Jason

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Delaware’s Best Source of Homeschool Information

I discovered the Facebook group Homeschool Delaware (non-FB version here: Homeschool Action Network of Delaware) at the beginning of my home education journey.

It is run by the most knowledgeable and helpful home educators in the state. I have had tons of questions answered there. The Files section of the group has become a treasure trove of resources.

At the start of the Lockdown and closing of schools, Homeschool Delaware opened its doors to those who were schooling from home or curious about homeschooling. They have been tirelessly answering questions and encouraging new home educators over these six months.

Anyone in Delaware who is considering this path should request to become a member and see the strength of the Delaware homeschool community.

The only niche they’re missing right now is those families who want to get together with more relaxed Covid-19 restrictions. One Facebook group I’ve promoted to fill this gap is Allschoolers Park Days in New Castle County. We’ve been really successful getting families together for sorely missed socializing.

Beyond that, there are innumerable groups for all types of activities and discussion. However, Homeschool Delaware is your one-stop resource desk for all your home education needs.

God bless, I appreciate and thank you,

Jason

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Hard Stuff Out of Nowhere

Tonight got weird.

My younger son revealed that he had learned an interesting fact about his birth date from another home educated boy.

It turns out my son was born the same day Osama Bin Laden was kiled. So after s’mores and a shower and just before bed, we start a deep dive into the events of 9/11.

I wasn’t ready for it, I was tired from a long day of hiking amd adventuring.

The most important learning happens when you don’t want it.

I didn’t know how far to go, but they knew more than I expected and led the conversation with their questions.

It didn’t last long, but it was emotionally taxing. Once they got into bed, I returned to the Tiny Estates communal fire to decompress. A couple had sat to make their own s’mores and I thought they’d let me peacefully punch out my blog post.

We exchanged pleasantries and I couldn’t resist further conversation. In a strange and awkward couple of sentences I used the words “wife” and “girlfriend.” Woof. “Okay, I’m just going to throw this out so I’m not dancing around: I lost my wife in February of 2018.”

“Um, we both lost our spouses. We’ve been together seven years and married for four.”

I’m reeling from the meaning of this chance meeting. I’m blessed by meeting people who have thrived through traumas.

Today was all about Jordan Peterson’s Ninth Rule: Assume That The Person You Are Listening To Might Know Something You Don’t.

Earlier in the day I had a long chat with a grandmother on a sunny hike. We connected on Christian values of service and ministry, honoring God’s chosen path for oneself, and living an adventurous life. Then I discovered how my sons were learning through their friends. Then I discovered a deeper, if still awkward, bravery in talking with more strangers.

It’s enough to catalog it all for now. Understanding it is too much.

God bless, I appreciate and thank you,

Jason

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Yes, It’s a Lifestyle

I’ve seen and heard a lot of questions about how much time is involved in unschooling.

We don’t log hours because we’ve made every moment ripe for learning. We don’t have a school “year” because our lives are full of learning experiences.