Potential Masters

Potential is easy to see in children. They’ve made so few mistakes in life and none of them feel irreparable.

Why do adults not feel that way about themselves? Perhaps it takes more creativity as there are no standard life paths for someone who starts a new journey at 40. Shouldn’t we have that creativity at hand? How many must start anew at 30, 40, 50, or beyond? Loss of spouse, job, or children, whether through death, divorce, or unforeseen economic circumstances, many must discover their own potential well past the days of being filled with every possible future success by parents and caregivers.

At Elevated Studios I get to watch my sons and other children unleash their nascent potential. Progress may come slowly, but each advancement opens a space for continued evolution. Brazillian jiu-jitsu is remarkable for how it reveals similar possibilities in adults. I have watched men and women transform their bodies and become greater than they were. Not just police, military, or competitors, but moms, entrepreneurs, students, clerks, and men and women spanning decades of life.

They’re called practitioners and they are all practicing towards potential mastery.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Roughing Myself Up

After a year of whirlwind romances and one-and-done first dates, my son put me in my place when talking with a friend who was offering dating advice, “You should listen to my dad, he’s good at getting girls…well…he’s good at kissing girls, but not keeping them.”

I wondered if my quest to find ever more love in myself, others, and all of existence had become a parody or obsession. I knew some of the details were funny, but was I acting out a joke? Trying to fill a hole? Self-medicate with love?

The more I asked and the more I prayed on these questions, the more often Mary visited me. Each time she confirmed my path and calmed my fears. Each time the answer came back, “Keep loving yourself and forgiving yourself.”

I was challenged with facing the fallout from public and private romances. It wan’t until I forgave myself for my mistakes that I could I see them clearly. I had to love myself truthfully and accept that every journey requires getting lost once in a while.

I remembered there was a girl who stayed by my side for 13 years. I remembered how methodical we were, even as we set out on an increasingly unlikely life together. I’m forgiving myself for the mistakes I made in that romance as well, and I’m seeing them clearly enough to learn from them.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Modeling the Four Agreements

Modeling is usually thought of as a responsibility of the adults in a child’s life. I’ve found that my children are optimal models of curiosity and imagination. They are leaders in the most important skills of learning.

My son has watched me flipping over and pouring through these Four Agreements cards for the past few weeks. I was elated to find him reading some and relating to me the messages that spoke to him.

As I sat writing this, my other son wanted in on the action.

I don’t know what they’ll do with this wisdom, but being introduced to these principals is sure to serve them well.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Homeschooling Without Rewards

I rarely bribe my sons and I rarely reward them for compliance or expected achievements. A learning lifestyle doesn’t work with external rewards. Learning only becomes its own motivator when the rewards are intrinsic, when one can see the fruits of one’s efforts ripen.

Home education, marriage, and community service have taught me a lot about unexpected and long-awaited rewards. I can’t think of any of the miraculous moments I’ve been blessed with as being expected. The surprises at surprising times are the best.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Sharing Shakespeare

Three years ago today, we sat in our minivan outside a senior center and listened to a children’s adaptation of “Pericles” before seeing Delaware Shakespeare’s production. With the modest bribe of a lollipop at intermission, we survived the nearly three-hour show and brothel scenes that hadn’t made the cut into the younger version. I was touched by the heartache of a father who was losing everything her cared for. I had no idea how I was being prepared to face my own loss.

Eight years before that I took my new bride, Mary, to see her first Shakespeare on our honeymoon in London, “Macbeth.” I had no idea how the Bard would become a central figure in our lives.

Tonight I was blessed to take a soul mate to her first Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet.” Again performed by the talented folks at Delaware Shakespeare. She loved it and I have found a new thread reaching back through time to help make this new life make sense.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Memories of Mary: Halloween 2014

My life with Mary was full of adventure. Whether it was going to a new place or handing sharp tools to our three-year-old, we were always exploring possibilities.

Each year, as Halloween approached, we would gather around the dining room table with friends and family to carve pumpkins. As with all holidays, Mary was queen. Vintage decorations, bins of costume elements, and carving kits were at the ready.

Knives and gooey guts, the boys were always in their glory and Mary loved every minute of it. I think of us team working and juggling the prep, execution, and clean-up. We both came from team sports backgrounds and it was our greatest skill.

Happy Halloween!

Love Is All You Need?

I’ve boiled my home education philosophy down to something like this. It wasn’t long ago that I consciously separated Love and Academics in my mind and life. Subconsciously, I always loved learning, yet didn’t recognize Love as a primary motivation for learning. The things I’ve become most skilled at have been due to love or the indirect/direct pursuit of love. As I discover more love for myself, I find it to be an infinite well from which I can deepen my motivation to learn.

Sharing this with my children is my central concern as a learning lifestyle facilitator.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

#Repost from @onefitwidow:

I’m the first to tell you to live a fit life.

I’m the first to urge you to workout and eat well.

I’m also the first to tell you to LOVE yourself completely as you are NOW while you work on improving yourself.

It is possible to enjoy this life, your current place in it AND work on making improvements.

Don’t wait for some far off day to start loving life. Do it now.

Don’t wait.

You are so worth it.

Good morning world,

Michelle ❤️

Raising Rebels

One of the scariest thoughts as a parent is to guide your children to be suspicious of authority and confident enough to defy it when appropriate. Well, that doesn’t get scary until they figure out you’ve been the primary authoritarian in their lives.

They’re natural rebels. They exert their individuality before they can speak. We spend much of their early years bringing them under our control. There are a lot of good, loving reasons to do that. It takes a braver love to make room for their wings to form.

My sons are quickly becoming men. Not hardened by tragedy, but strengthened by it. They’re troublemakers and I love it, at least I try to.

Today Isaac found the Rage Against the Machine shirt I gave Mary years ago when we saw them at Lollapalooza.

Bombs. I was the bombastic one and Mary focused that energy in constructive directions. She listened to my wild ravings and ideas, honestly heard me like no one had before. Together we fashioned a life neither of us had envisioned, one based on love and support for each other and our children. A life that stopped asking for approval from the “norm.” We started rejecting the conventional concepts we had absorbed and taken for granted, thereby deschooling ourselves. It’s a continuing process. It’s fundamental to my self-improvement journey, rejecting assumptions and reevaluating what is helpful in my life and what is hurtful.

The journey feeds the rebel within me as I feed my little rebels.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

p.s. – Twenty-six years on this still reads fresh:

“Bullet in the Head”

This time the bullet cold rocked ya
A yellow ribbon instead of a swastika
Nothin’ proper about ya propaganda
Fools follow rules when the set commands ya
Said it was blue
When ya blood was red
That’s how ya got a bullet blasted through ya head

Blasted through ya head
Blasted through ya head

I give a shout out to the living dead
Who stood and watched as the feds cold centralized
So serene on the screen
You were mesmerised
Cellular phones soundin’ a death tone
Corporations cold
Turn ya to stone before ya realise
They load the clip in omnicolour
Said they pack the 9, they fire it at prime time
Sleeping gas, every home was like Alcatraz
And mutha fuckas lost their minds

Just victims of the in-house drive-by
They say jump, you say how high
Just victims of the in-house drive-by
They say jump, you say how high

Run it!

Just victims of the in-house drive-by
They say jump, you say how high
Just victims of the in-house drive-by
They say jump, you say how high

Checka, checka, check it out
They load the clip in omnicolour
Said they pack the 9, they fire it at prime time
Sleeping gas, every home was like Alcatraz
And mutha fuckas lost their minds

No escape from the mass mind rape
Play it again jack and then rewind the tape
And then play it again and again and again
Until ya mind is locked in
Believin’ all the lies that they’re tellin’ ya
Buyin’ all the products that they’re sellin’ ya
They say jump and ya say how high
Ya brain-dead
Ya gotta fuckin’ bullet in ya head

Just victims of the in-house drive-by
They say jump, you say how high
Just victims of the in-house drive-by
They say jump, you say how high

Uggh! Yeah! Yea!

Ya standin’ in line
Believin’ the lies
Ya bowin’ down to the flag
Ya gotta bullet in ya head

Ya standin’ in line
Believin’ the lies
Ya bowin’ down to the flag
Ya gotta bullet in ya head

A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head
A bullet in ya head!
A bullet in ya head!
A bullet in ya head!
A bullet in ya head!
A bullet in ya head!
A bullet in ya head!
A bullet in ya head!
Ya gotta bullet in ya fuckin’ head!

Yeah!

Yeah!

The I Don’t Know Project: Soccer

I don’t know how I can feel so good after a physically punishing loss. I watched my team play with all the heart in the world tonight. Down three goals at half time, no one was barking at each other. We knew the mistakes we had made, but we plotted a course to victory. We kept our heads up, found a deeper fight, and believed we could dig our way out of the deficit.

Mary helped me manage the team and knew the players. I’d come home and be able to share with her how proud I was of folks who had been playing longer than me as well as the gal who only took the sport up a few months ago. Mary protected my time for soccer, she knew better than I how important it was for me. She came to most games and always wanted to hear about the ones she missed.

It’s still the only place I can consistently get out of my own head. It holds a magic for me. I was blessed by my grandfather when he brought it into my life and I’ve been blessed by God with the ability to continually play and improve in the sport, while letting it improve me as a man.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Totally Radical Dudes

When we were dating, Mary and I dreamed of a traditional, conservative life together. A life separate from the excesses, risk taking, and troublemaking of our how-did-we-survive(?) youths.

We planned a safe life, a modest family, and a secure marriage. Our sons undercut our plans, bringing a love into our lives that emboldened our true natures. I became the never-stay-at-home dad. We became homeschoolers, then unschoolers, joining the wildest ranks of a minority community.

I struck the match on many of those shifts, but Mary always took my hand and eased it toward the tinder to light the fire. She was a master fire builder.

Then she died.

At that moment, as she rose to Heaven, love poured down. That love was radical. I was filled with it and pointed out at adventure: a music festival, a road trip, museums, strangers, Shakespeare, and an RV in a ditch on a mountain in West Virginia. It took three months to start that trip, but it was immediate, inevitable, and unstoppable. I may have just as easily stepped through the hospital window into it. We picked up hitchhikers, danced atop rock faces, lost our gear, chased a full moon, and crossed paths with bears.

Mary chose a wild man to raise her children. I thought she had tamed me…mostly. She had done the opposite, cultivating and encouraging a confident independence aimed at loving myself, our sons, friends, family, and as many people as I could meet.

I’ve taken up that torch to simultaneously feed the flames of love and burn away the waste of fear.

I sat down tonight to share a memory of Mary, to make forgetting a little more difficult. I found a legacy that spans all the stories. It’s the narrative of a loving radical who knew she was unchaining three untamable beasts from fear to spread love in the world.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason