The healing journey of a widowed, unschooling badass in Delaware.
As often as my sons get bruised and cut, it’s not too often that we end up in the hospital.
This collision with a trampoline calls for a few stitches. Every urgent care walk-in near us was closed, so here we are, in the emergency department.
He’s a hungry reader, budding trumpet player, and maturing jiu-jitsu practitioner. I love his different interests, but his fondness for baking brings the most joy to our house.
This week he celebrated Kristen’s birthday with gluten-free Brazilian cheese bread (holy smokes!) and her favorite chocolate cake.
The boys ran, jumped, raced, and climbed more than they walked, but it was a wonderful way to spend the waning day with them.
This is impossble and unhealthly. One’s capacity to love is only as deep as one’s love for Self. We must love ourselves first before we are capable of loving another.
Look at the image. The father isn’t intact. He’s not whole. A loving parent must be whole.
And all the males reading this.
Westen has been getting a lot of attention with his musical endeavors, but Isaac has been quietly carving out his own narrative through jiu-jitsu, stage Shakespeare, rifle club, and trumpet.
Maybe it’s the length of Westen’s shadow combined with inherited rebeliousness, but Isaac’s growth has also come with a lot of trouble.
We’re struggling through his 14th year, much like we did with Westen, but I see him gaining skills in many disciplines.
My 15-year-old is also entering 10th grade, but I don’t think he knows it. We’ve been homeschooling since kindergarten, but don’t use schoolish conventions like grades.
My first advice would be to go for it. I was an energetic and intelligent student and high school only got in the way of my learning.
You can pull a student from a Delaware school at any time: https://education.delaware.gov/families/k12/homeschools-and-private-schools/opening-a-nonpublic-school/
If you decide to homeschool, do a deep dive on Deschooling. I have some articles at DelawareDad.com. The basic idea is to analyze and clear out the assumptions trained into us (parent AND child) by the government education system. I took what I learned about deschooling and applied it to a broader set of assumptions I was living under. It changed my life: politics, philosophy, religion…everything changed.
The scary start looks like an extended summer vacation. For a teen, that’s going to be rocky and take some bravery on your part. The first idea is that we need time to gain space from the innumerable indignities of school. Think of it as taking time for yourself after a bad relationship.
Ask all your questions. Don’t worry about “success.” Worry about raising happy and healthy humans who can recognize their own needs and have the tools to fulfill those needs.
Kristen and I try hard to have regular dates. With a small business and three active teens in our care, it ain’t always easy.
Our favorite dates are in the woods, stopping frequently to bathe in the smells, sights, and sounds around us.
As the Father, God created humans and, because He loved them, He gave them free will.
We’ve made a mess of things with that free will, but we’ve also created beautiful representations of the original Creation.
He continues to love us. I try to love my children like God loves us. I try to find the bravery that God had when He gave us free will.
My boys make a mess of things, but they also do amazing things and love deeply.
Our gifted programs were called LEEP and PROBE. I forget what the acronyms meant, but being labeled “gifted” was an invaluable experience.
I was an energetic kid (this won’t be this story’s last shocking revelation). Luckily, even with ADD (ADHD wasn’t mainstreamed yet) diagnoses on the rise, I had parents who inherently resisted systemic pressures and honored my Tazmanian Devil-style of learning.
Wildly sober, I wasn’t considered for the gifted program in early elementary. Midway through 4th grade, a teacher finally insisted that I be tested. I was excited to get to miss classes once a month with the smart kids (we were bussed to a special learning center). They were less enthusiastic. They all got tested in 1st grade, logically concluding that it wasn’t anything special to pass the entrance exam after three more years of school. It was an IQ test, not age dependent, but no one cared to explain the nuances to us subjects.
For the next eight years, I existed in a liminal educational space. The smart kids never accepted me as one of their own, but everyone else saw me get on the gifted bus and go to honors and seminar classes.
For good and ill, I had inherited an inclination to not give a shit about other people’s opinions.
LEEP and PROBE offered deep dives into subjects that were hardly broached in school. Genetics, computer programming, environmental studies, photojournalism, and filmmaking were highlights of those years. I also had my first experience with a Muslim convert, observing my favorite teacher, Mr. Lowe, change his name and appearance to conform to his new beliefs. These buildings became a symbol of a world of possibility where I was free to explore. The day-to-day of the regular school building was a constant battle to resist grey standardization.
The meme above has little to do with my experience. The late bestowing of the label “gifted” forced me to embrace my independent nature. God set me against these social anxieties (he had a whole other set of difficulties picked out for me).
I was blessed to be largely free of the academic pressures. I’m doubly blessed to be able to offer a similar freedom to my sons in our home education environment.