Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
On Day Five of my 30-Day Positive Parenting challenge I listened to Amy McCready discuss the setbacks that can occur while shifting to a more positive approach to parenting. Unfortunately, the first setback occurred on Day Four. Fatigue, intensity of strengthened emotional connections, first-snow fever, whatever it was, the blow ups came raging back for a few hours and, although each one blew over more quickly, it was an exhausting day.
I had gotten so excited about the strategies I was learning that I didn’t take time to relax and be mindful of why I was on this journey to be a better dad.
I’m still devoted to the challenge, but I’m prepared to pull back on the throttle. I’ve got a couple quiet days without my sons to give us all a little space and catch up on that 10-Day Thanksgiving Challenge!
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
In my search for positive parenting resources I couldn’t resist listening to this minimalist approach to managing Lego from Dr. Denaye Barahona. To be sure, we are not minimalists when it comes to Lego. Our biggest projects bring us together and can demand a lot of bricks. However, I felt Dr. Barahona went too far in reducing modern Lego to being a “closed” toy too focused on licensed characters and predetermined builds.
You can hear her podcast episode here:
Our 2017 entry for the Kalmar Nyckel Lego Shipbuilding Contest
Only a few years ago I held a similar nostalgia for when Lego had a much smaller variety of elements and imagination was the key ingredient. I looked at a Lego banana and said, “What else could this be but a banana? How can this foster creativity?” It didn’t take long for me to see that banana put to use as a horn, smile, weapon (as all elements eventually find themselves in the hands of boys), mustache, lever, nose, tongue, or any number of curved objects.
The Friendliest Minotaur
My sons started playing with Lego at our local libraries. Big, unsorted piles and no instructions. They applied their imaginations with ease and learned to break down their builds after a couple hours. These habits served them well as loving family began to shower us with official sets during birthdays, Christmas, and all types of occasions.
I was wary of the licensed sets with built-in stories and characters. Again, it didn’t take long for my sons to twist, expand, and mash-up the characters and stories. My elder son became masterful at using our wide variety of minifigure parts to create his own heroes and villains or copy them from books and movies. He also recreates his favorite scenes while his younger brother builds endless assortments of wacky beasts and insane vehicles.
Sets rarely stay together for long. Sometimes following the instructions is just to check off a line item and the model is immediately disassembled to access new elements.
The 2018 SS Mary Zerbey Memorial Seasteader, built in honor of the wife and mother we lost weeks earlier.My son’s free build copy of the Haida Spirit Boat in the Copeland Maritime Center’s Watercraft of the World gallery.
Sorting starts at the model level. The larger the set, the more need there is to categorize the elements and place them roughly into piles. Sorting of larger collections does take parental guidance, but it is worth it when they can access the full breadth of the inventory to fuel their imaginations.
Our UnikittiesA collaborative train project by almost a dozen homeschoolers.
Dr. Barahona claims Lego has become a “closed” toy, to be built and displayed. I assert that this only occurs without a little creative encouragement.
However, I would concede that this is not a pursuit for the minimalist.
The question at 6:00 am: What to build?
God bless, Jason
p.s. – For his “Mind Body Soul Time” today my elder once again chose Lego building.
That was the response after my sons thoroughly enjoyed the one-on-one time I dedicated to each of them during the day, as suggested by Amy McCready. One chose 15 minutes of tinkering with old electronics in the morning and the other chose Lego building.
In the evening, my elder requested I read aloud some of his latest book club book, In the Footsteps of Crazy Horse, and my younger had me help him with a “poop” heavy ad lib story.
I could see that not only did each appreciate the focused interaction, but also respected when it was the other’s turn.
We’re working on alternative names for our particular sessions as “Mind Body Spirit Time” is “too hippy” for them. So far, I’ve had to veto “Poopy Time,” but I think we’re heading in the right direction.
As resources pour in from so many wonderful people, my sons and I came up with our own rule: Instant Hugs. As soon as tension rises, a voice raises, or someone feels he’s been mistreated, BOOM, hug. No cure-all, but has definitely cut down on several escalations already.
I yelled at my son again. He was upset because his brother and a friend were being unkind. The problem was that we had to leave and his crying was not convenient. Yeah, sounds pretty stupid. I could make all the excuses of the warnings and countdowns and the day’s earlier indiscretions…but my son’s feelings were hurt and I didn’t console him.
Every day for the next 30 days I’m going to consume positive parenting information, try to implement it, and write about my failures and successes. I won’t list my initial resources yet as I need to get started NOW.
I’m also on Day 2 of a 10-Day Challenge to host Thanksgiving, so might share some of that too!
On Independence Day we took an uncharacteristic turn as full-on “tourons” in Washington, D.C. Mary introduced me to this term and we never used it as strongly as the Urban Dictionary describes. For us, it was just that unimaginative sightseeing and photo taking one does on holiday from time to time.
I plotted our walking route from the Metro station to the White House, Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, and finally a spot along the Potomac River to view the fireworks. I hardly expected my seven- and nine-year-old sons to make the journey with heat, crowds, and detours in our way.
Our saving grace came early in the day at Renwick Gallery, across from the White House. We love museums and an escape from the sun was already in order.
We found much more than an escape. No Spectators: The Art of Burning Man is an exhibit that recreates the other-worldly California desert spectacle. Within this world there was the Temple. A place of remembrance and introspection about those things that have been lost. It is simply composed of cut and sanded plywood, but the intricacies are unending.
Visitors are encouraged to take a 4″ by 4″ block of wood and write about something or someone they have lost. This could have been one of those “ambushes” you learn about as you grieve, but it wasn’t. I invited my sons to participate and was surprised at their reactions. Westen, the older and more vocal about his mom, declined and chose to quietly walk the space. Isaac has been much more reserved about losing his mom, but wanted me to transcribe something for him.
As he mentally created his message, a phrase came to me: We will gain more than we have lost. I can’t take credit for it. It was purely divine and seems all but impossible. When God asks you to do the impossible it’s because He knows it can be done. I hope my faith is strong enough to keep believing that.
For Isaac’s part, his message was all sweetness and love and compassion. It was also arms-outstretched broad for so few words. It speaks for itself.
