Category: Positive Parenting

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Learning Courage

I know people with PTSD, kids who have watched a parent die, women who have lost their husbands, single adults who have been rocked by divorce, and too many people embittered and crushed by the world as it is.

The last ten minutes of this Jordan B. Peterson lecture (link should be cued) is about betrayal.

How Do You Survive Betrayal?

I haven’t faced much malevolence in my life. I credit my upbringing, in addition with a lot of luck, for that. Peterson talks about shielding children from the evils of the world and how it doesn’t work in an absolute sense. He talks about shadow integration and recognizing just how much evil lives inside you. He talks about many of the things that helped me master myself after losing my wife.

I recommend Peterson so often because he was the rational voice in my ear as I vigorously wrestled with my own ideas about faith. Five months after being baptized into the Christian faith, Mary died. I had prepared myself as much as any man could (no man can be fully prepared to lose a woman like her).

I thought I was listening to Peterson to get over my intellectual and psychological obstacles in accepting Christ as my Savior. It was that, but it was also readying me to face a specific catastrophe of life.

I didn’t experience the spritual turmoil that C.S. Lewis did in losing his wife. My mind was fractured, but I had been studying the tools of the mind (Peterson) and soul (Christ) that I needed to work on my Self.

It’s been nearly two years. I opened my heart to romance a little more than a year ago. It has been a puzzle to me why the highs haven’t worn me out and the lows haven’t broken me. Courage. Peterson uses the word “courage” and I want to know why I have it. I want to know for my boys, I want to know for those I can reach. It is that I have accepted that the darkness cannot extiguish the Light. Evil is strong, Satan is strong, and Nature will cut you down without hesitation. I choose to live in the Light of Love. I choose the infinite, perfect love of Jesus Christ. That kind of love cannot be stopped by all the malevolence of the world.

God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason

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On Raising Individuals

“If you want to discipline kids, you actually have to make them our disciples. And disciples are not someone that’s afraid of you. A disciple is someone who loves you and who WANTS to belong to you and follow you. So discipline is the very opposite of punishment.”

-Dr. Gabor Maté

I like this quote, but it misses a challenging truth we must face with this approach.


Individuals become disciples through their choices. Parents have to be brave enough to love their children while respecting the possibility that they can choose to turn against them, even for proper or good reasons. Judas turned on Jesus, the greatest and most loving teacher in history.

That does reveal a bright spot though: Have 12 kids and maybe only one will betray you (with some doubting and denying thrown in).

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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I Got What I Wanted

My children teach me at least as often as I teach them.

Most of our visits to The Lego Store don’t involve a purchase. I learned this habit of using retail spaces for free entertainment and enrichment quite by accident. I’m now blessed to have children who don’t expect to leave a store with goodies.

Today was different. My sons had some gift cash and were determined to spend it. Their rampant consumerism infected me and I saw that the Disney minifigures were on discount. I have wanted the Jack Skellington and Sally figs for a while and thought I’d kill some time trying to feel through the blind packs and find my treasure.

I found Sally and her oh-so-goth black bouquet quickly enough and my boys helped me continue the search for Jack. We went through the entire display box with no luck. I assumed (gasp) that was the end of my quest until my son said, “Why don’t we ask if they have another box?” The clerk was busy and I replied, “They’re discounted because they’ve been on the shelves for months, this is probably the last box.” He wouldn’t have it. He asked and they looked and found another box. Well. Game on. We’re not leaving without Jack.

We didn’t pinch more than two bags when my son said, “I think I have him!” I looked up from my hands, “Me too.” I had to buy both Jacks, the luck was too good and they’ll always serve as a reminder for me to ask for what I want.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Modeling the Four Agreements

Modeling is usually thought of as a responsibility of the adults in a child’s life. I’ve found that my children are optimal models of curiosity and imagination. They are leaders in the most important skills of learning.

My son has watched me flipping over and pouring through these Four Agreements cards for the past few weeks. I was elated to find him reading some and relating to me the messages that spoke to him.

As I sat writing this, my other son wanted in on the action.

I don’t know what they’ll do with this wisdom, but being introduced to these principals is sure to serve them well.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Kind and Different

I spent the day focusing on kindness and connection for and with my children. It went beautifully as we tried new things and visited new places.

We had a mini movie night (1.5 movies, to be exact) and my older son was in tears at bedtime. Movie night reminds him of mom. Me too. He’s scared about being different and not fitting in. Crap, I remember that feeling like, oh yeah, that was yesterday. He was worried that he hasn’t been kind. Me too.

I talked about how great it is to be different and that it brings challenges for finding people who can understand you enough to accept you. I told him that when you find those people it can be the most rewarding experience because they’ll be “different” in their own ways.

His mom understood him. She understood me. We’ve all struggled having lost a person who knew us so well. I’ve got advantages as an adult, I can get online and search out folks with common interests and I can go explore the world to find new people. My children have advantages as well, they get to meet and interact with a wider variety of people than most children. But they’re only just discovering their Selves, and they don’t have the fallback of two parents who get them.

I reminded him of the people we’ve met who have understood us and how awesome that has been. He’s got friends who have lost a parent and buddies who are wildly diverse in their talents and interests. I explained how all relationships end, that it’s okay if someone is only in his life for a short time if that time is good.

I manifested a deeper connection with my children today and it came to be. It didn’t come without obstacles, but the really good stuff never does.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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The Wrong Challenge

“I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry. I love you.”

It’s been a year since I wrote for 30 consecutive days about positive parenting. I’ve listened to podcasts, read books, and, just this afternoon, consulted with some of the best parents I know.

And I lost my shit and yelled at my sons tonight.

I was in the bathroom reflecting on how well things were working out when my younger son came in without permission. I hadn’t even shut the door, but I could not handle the intrusion. Cursing and stomping and demanding respect, I yelled at my older son for no damn reason at all.

I closed myself in my room and one minute didn’t pass before I realized I had been taking things personally all day. Don Miguel Ruiz even posted about this Agreement today.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry. I love you. That was all about me, none of it is your fault.”

There’s only forward. We sleep tonight and have something to share with the therapist tomorrow. We get back to being loving and amazing. We get back to what we do best.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Homeschooling Without Rewards

I rarely bribe my sons and I rarely reward them for compliance or expected achievements. A learning lifestyle doesn’t work with external rewards. Learning only becomes its own motivator when the rewards are intrinsic, when one can see the fruits of one’s efforts ripen.

Home education, marriage, and community service have taught me a lot about unexpected and long-awaited rewards. I can’t think of any of the miraculous moments I’ve been blessed with as being expected. The surprises at surprising times are the best.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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The Best Christmas

Holidays are where I notice the biggest changes in our lives.

The house isn’t as colorful as it has been in the past and it isn’t filled with wonderful smells of food made with loving care.

But it is so peaceful. Christmas music plays while my boys quietly build their Lego sets and I lay back in bed, taking time for myself. They were excited for the most modest gifts. I feel like I know them better than ever, that our loss and struggles have brought us closer together.

All our fortunes bloom out of the unfortunate.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Me First

One must first have a relationship with oneself, then God, however you choose to define that which you value most. That is everything.

I’ve been slack on my daily stretching/#meditation/#gratitude/#affirmations routine lately. Why would I take this away from myself when it was a key factor in reuniting with a soul mate?

It is precisely that a relationship with another soul is NOT everything that we must maintain our connection with ourselves.

Today I reissue my promise to myself to treat my Self as something worthy of love.

Today my sons and I return to therapy, this time together. I have done great work since losing their mother to death. I have honored her everyday and remain guided by the wellspring of love that sprang up out of her deathbed. I have answered each one of my sons’ questions about death and their mother to the best of my ability. I have now recognized the limits of my ability and humbly look to help through continued challenges.

God bless you and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Love Is All You Need?

I’ve boiled my home education philosophy down to something like this. It wasn’t long ago that I consciously separated Love and Academics in my mind and life. Subconsciously, I always loved learning, yet didn’t recognize Love as a primary motivation for learning. The things I’ve become most skilled at have been due to love or the indirect/direct pursuit of love. As I discover more love for myself, I find it to be an infinite well from which I can deepen my motivation to learn.

Sharing this with my children is my central concern as a learning lifestyle facilitator.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

#Repost from @onefitwidow:

I’m the first to tell you to live a fit life.

I’m the first to urge you to workout and eat well.

I’m also the first to tell you to LOVE yourself completely as you are NOW while you work on improving yourself.

It is possible to enjoy this life, your current place in it AND work on making improvements.

Don’t wait for some far off day to start loving life. Do it now.

Don’t wait.

You are so worth it.

Good morning world,

Michelle ❤️