I’m always chasing God. Whether on a soccer field, in conversation, running a business, or in prayer, I feel deeply that God gave me an excess of energy for pursuit.
Isaiah 41:10 KJV — Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 12:2 KJV — Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.
Psalm 23:4 KJV — Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Although I trust in Him, I do not easily rest in that trust.
Romans 8:1-2 KJV — There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.
Isaiah 30:21 KJV — And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.
John 10:27 KJV — My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
Psalm 23:1-3 KJV — A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
I wasn’t so sure about this devotional because it doesn’t print the referenced scriptures. I get suspicious when guidance isn’t right next to the Word.
Today’s entry directed me to find scripture that hit directly on my problem.
I’ve been super distracted and today was really bad, I totally forgot my son’s guitar lesson and I am mentally all over the place. I’m letting social media and worldy concerns take my attention.
Freedom from distraction is found in a focus on The Most High. When I focus on Christ and the Love that I have received from God, my path becomes clear and unlittered.
I’m not there yet. I’m here typing on my phone, thinking about jiu-jitsu and soccer tonight and dinner and what’s tomorrow and and and…
Yet in the tumult, I can see the calm waters beyond. They are always there, waiting for me. There is comfort and reset in those waters.
Macklemore’s “Hind’s Hall” is the best protest song I’ve heard since Rage Against the Machine and Michael Franti were giving it to the powers that be in the 90s.
Tom Woods may have been the loudest and most consistent anti-Lockdown voice in American media.
In this debate-turned-presentation, Woods dismantles every false narrative born in 2020.
With mounds of data, charts, and logic, he eloquently and mercilessly defeats the proposition that government interventions had any positive effect during the Covid era.
Genesis 28:12 KJV — And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.
John 1:51 KJV — And he saith unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Hereafter ye shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of man.
According to Pastor Chuck Smith, Jacob “was sort of stuck between the fear of the past, and the fear of the future.”
I’m fortunate to not experience a lot of fear, but I do feel a tension between the past and the future. On a household level, my past parenting mistakes are manifesting in destructive and selfish behaviors from my younger son. On the subject of the future, my relationship with my girlfriend and the growth of our business look increasingly bright.
All of our building energy is matched by a material crumbling in another realm of our lives.
It is a puzzle, but I can’t help but believe that recent spiritual wins are marking a new dawning of peace for our quiltwork family.
Two months ago, with my mother’s help, my older son gifted me my grandmother’s rosary.
It felt so good to put this piece of family history around my neck. As a child, I remember admiring the light breaking through the little beads where it hung in her apartment.
I’m not used to wearing any jewelry and I made a huge mistake the first week I had it. I wore it during a soccer game, while I was playing in goal, and took plenty of shots to my chest, from players and the ball.
It wasn’t until later that night that I discovered the crucifix had been knocked off the rosary. I was distraught, but couldn’t get back to the field to search for a couple days.
It was long gone by the time I dragged the end of the field I had occupied.
A few days later, I was back at the field to play again and we received our new jerseys. There had been a mix-up and someone else’s name was printed with my number (in addition to the jersey being color-specific to my goaltending position). It was funny at first, but then I realized what I had been given. Cris is short for Cristian, the player who ended up on my jersey. At the same field where I lost a little Christ, I was gifted another.
Although an incomplete replacement, I believe God sent me this to ease my sense of guilt.
My grandmother had been kind to me, but I only knew her in her deteriorating dementia. She had been cruel to my father and left scars on our family. Perhaps this artifact of hers needed to be cleansed into its new incarnation.
I started hunting for a new crucifix. I’ve been eyeing online markets and local dealers. I’ve been keeping my heart open.
This weekend I spotted a case full of costume jewelry with an end devoted to rosaries and crucifixes. One caught my eye immediately, it was of similar size and composition to the one I had lost, but that wasn’t what had me. This cross had been separated from its rosary and still had a couple inches of chain with nearly identical beading.
My necklace and this tiny Christ were meant for each other. They now hang around my neck, separated and repaired.
The Biblical themes of separation and reunification were recently introduced to me in Jonathan Pageau’s podcast, The Symbolic World. I can’t fully articulate the symbolism of the Red Sea splitting and coming back together, but I can feel how this is the process of healing. We must be separated from the source of our pain before we can return to that source to heal.
Christ has been the source of immense healing since I became a widower. This repaired piece of jewelry will be a reminder of the promised reunification with God.
I woke up exhausted, but more settled than I have been recently. Somehow, I got myself outside for five rounds of Wim Hof Method breathing. I haven’t done it in months, but I felt I was ready for, yet another, reset.
My busy day started with my older son’s guitar lesson and I took a little time to read some of Kafka’s Letter to the Father, 11 minutes to be precise. Not much, but I haven’t been reserving any time for hardcopy reading.
Life has been wild this year and pushing hard against me with material challenges. I’ve been pushing back and it’s starting to wear me down. I’ve neglected my restful and rejuvenating habits.
