Category: Devotionals

“I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”
-Matthew 6:25-26

I am fed handsomely by an amazing circle men and women that God has brought into my life.

After a game in the local Spanish league, our coach’s wife served fresh ceviche on crispy tortillas. An absolutely amazing meal on a polystyrene plate in the unlikely setting of a warehouse converted into an indoor soccer facility.

I am deeply grateful to be welcomed into this culture. I hardly speak enough Spanish to be useful on the field, but they keep inviting me to mutliple teams each season. I stumble along to understand my role and their kindness toward me seems without end.

Every day I feel the love of friends. I am fed as much by that love as I am by their generosity.

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Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
-Micah 7:8

Sometimes, widowhood means sitting in darkness.

Having a girlfriend experience similar symptoms to my late wife’s illness is enough to bring the darkness close. I trust in God’s light and a robust spiritual practice has held me safe in recent days.

My resolve was tested by a song. Iggy Pop’s “I Wanna Be Your Dog” is as attached to the week Mary and I spent in the hospital as David Bowie’s “Rock ‘N Roll With Me” is attached to our wedding day.

The song was covered in spectacular form as we watched Cruella. It didn’t take me back to the hospital, but I felt the looming darkness tighten around me, “So messed up/I want you here.”

It’s a small light right now, but I know I am here in it. I remember the rainbow waterfalls of loving light that poured from Heaven when Mary ascended. I know that light and love is always available for me to receive.

I have let the darkness get close, but it will not remain so.

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You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
-Proverbs 19:21

I was struck with tears and laughter, yes, again, during yoga as I surrendered to God’s plans. His plan to send me into widowhood and single parenthood still confounds me. I have survived to thrive in this role. The terrible pain, sadness, and guilt are a part of that success. It is hard to make sense of. It is hard to surrender to. The joy of my growth makes me laugh like a child and the pain brings tears alongside.

God has asked me to surrender. Sometimes I can. Sometimes the emotions are overwhelming. Sometimes I can embrace His plan and feel like I am surfing through the universe. It is a thrilling plan, a hero’s journey I am blessed to have the responsibility of undertaking.

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The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
-Proverbs 18:21

I love to talk. If someone gets me going I won’t stop until I’m annoyed with myself.

Listening is an act of love that can’t be enacted while talking. Even if the words are meant in love, they can be in the way.

Lord, I pray to be a better listener, careful speaker, and model of Your love in all that I do.

Amen.

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

I like to fix things: a wax ring gone bad on the toilet, my son’s inability to connect the PS4 to our YouTube account, or an under-the-weather girlfriend…I want to be active toward solutions.

God checks me. I can’t heal, only He can. It’s always a difficult journey when someone near me is ill. I’m plagued by the eternal questions of what I could have done differently when my wife became sick.

When I enter my girlfriend’s room and see the cold cup of tea and the exhausted restlessness of her body, I am humbled almost to paralysis.

I wonder if God’s plan includes me losing another love. I wonder what that would mean. I wonder if I could survive it again.

I have to let go of those worries. God has already entrusted me with more than I thought I could handle. I’ve come pretty far living in trust of Him.

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Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
-Psalm 119:105

I’m distracted today. Disconnected. I’m trying to keep my gaze close, to the next thing before me instead of all the perceived obligations “out there.”

We needed this time outside.

I am grateful to Rev. Karen for inviting us outside to observe, honor, and learn from God’s Creation.

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The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.
-Psalm 23:1

God is good and powerful. This devotional is dated to start on January 1st. I’m reading the February 7th scripture on Black Friday and it speaks directly to seeking satisfaction in material possessions.

This is a great challenge for me as I did not plan on any shopping, but the temptations exist all around and I am not immune.

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Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.'” So, Samuel went and lay down in his place.
-Samuel 3:9

Listening is an act of love, perhaps the greatest. The Lord is always listening to us and we must strive to listen to Him and those around us. God often speaks through us, revealing truths, comforts, and wisdom.

The better we listen, the better we love.

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Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest.”
-Matthew 9:37-38

In my imperfect and sloppy way, I hope to be one of God’s harvest workers.

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