Category: Devotionals

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1 Peter 1:7

There is growth in God’s Love or death in rejection of it.

Bret Weinstein and Heather Heying focus on how the human brain has developed to need the expansion of territory and that this fundamental motivation can be simulated through intellectual, physical, and spiritual endeavors.

I grow in Love by keeping my eye on its most perfect form. When I’m living in its light, I love myself better and can share that love with others. The well is infinite and the possibilities of what can be achieved through God’s Love are endless.

I try to grow physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually every day. I’m not always successful and I understand that rest is a necessary component of growth, even if I occasionally crash into it.

This weekend I will have at least two firsts in my physical and spiritual journeys. My first jiu-jitsu competition and my first psychedelic experience. I don’t know how far my horizons will extend, but I know that God has prepared more room for my spirit to expand than I could ever imagine.

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“Go. I am sending you to Pharoah to bring my people the Isrealites out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharoah and bring the Isrealites out of Egypt?”
-Exodus 3:10-11

Unworthiness. It plagues each of us. Especially when God calls us.

God has called me to do difficult things since I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart.

This weekend I will compete in my first jiu-jitsu competition. An odd sort of mission, but one in line with building strength for the next challenge.

I feel unprepared and intimidated by younger competitors. I will release those fears and trust that I will have a day of intense learning.

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Pray for us, too, that God will give us many opportunities to speak about his mysterious plan concerning Christ. That is why I am here in chains.
-Colossians 4:3

God gave me a voice and an ear for widows and widowers. He gave my sons the same for orphans.

After Mary’s memorial, someone said of my eulogy, “Someone walked out of that church with a new love of Christ in their heart.” To have the Holy Spirit work through me in that way was uplifting. It gave me call to share my faith in its ignorant infancy.

I still don’t know much about my faith. My way is to ask questions and be open to answers that I don’t want to hear. It’s the best way to listen to the widowed, be not just prepared, but enthusiastic about hearing something awful and scary.

Evangelism isn’t a sales job for Heaven. It is an opening of the mind to the vast space between Heaven and Hell.

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After this I saw a vast crowd, too great to count, from every nation and tribe and people and language, standing in front of the throne and before the Lamb.
-Revelation 7:9

Everyone is invited to the Jesus party and I’m trying to be like Jesus.

I’ve been excluded from social gatherings, libraries, museums, concerts, and a number of invitations because of my personal health decisions.

I’m getting accustomed to driving farther for services and being creative in filling our needs. I’ve learned that I’m pretty darn good at making friends who respect me enough to trust my judgment.

Those new friends have been the most inclusive. Our “official” social group focuses heavily on inclusion and we have become the most philosophically diverse assortment of humans I’ve ever been around.

Those who have shunned us are welcome to join, but I imagine the names they have called us still dangle from their tongues. My energy is put to good use toward myself, my children, and my friends. I do not need to reach out any longer to those who have chosen to reject us. I will, however, pray that my heart remains open

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Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.
-Romans 8:26

Words constantly fail me.

In prayer, I connect with God when I let go of my questions, doubts, declarations, and Adam-obsession of placing a name on each and every thing.

Crying, laughing, and body language convey more than any of my love letters, speeches, or blog posts ever did.

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Here is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
-Galatians 3:28

I am obsessed with status. In efforts to be humble, curious, and open, I watch myself work to be the “most” in any of these categories.

Vanity is so insidious that it can work its way into the direct intention to be less vain. It’s the same paradox that can turn healthy habits into addictions.

Balance comes through awareness, but I am hyper aware of the heirarchies I inhabit. Maintaining or improving my position in any of these is a constant distraction from my walk with Christ.

These devotionals, prayer, and a routine returning to the Word of God are the answer. There I find that we are all the same fallen creature, broken into different looking, and sounding, pieces. Our earthly heirarchies are an illusion.

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I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and my gave himself for me.
-Galatians 2:20

“You know you can’t live on God’s grace alone.” A neighbor, a nominal Christian, said this to me.

I didn’t respond, “Fucking watch me.” I wanted to.

I was in front of my house and 48 hours hadn’t passed since Mary died.

She was referring to the fact that Mary was the breadwinner of the family and I was the lead educational facilitator (she’d probably choose, “stay-at-home dad”). Surely, I must be thinking about providing for my family. No bother to the fact that I had practical, terrifying tasks immediately before me, including planning a memorial for a wife who had been in fine health two weeks ago.

God was daring me through this poor woman’s lack of faith to find a greater faith of my own.

I return to that moment when I lack resolve. I return to the feeling in my chest when I feel weak. I recall that verbal challenge when it feels like the world is in opposition to what’s best for me and my sons.

I’ve lived an impossible life since becoming a widower because of faith in Jesus Christ. He has guided me and strengthened me when no one else could. Sometimes that strength comes from living in direct opposition to material attachments.

That neighbor gave me a gift, the perfect anti-Christian slogan to drive me away from worldly concerns.

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Tobiah the Ammonite, who was at his side, said, “What they are building—even a fox climbing up on it would break down their wall of stones!”
-Nehemiah 4:3

I woke up early and opened my copy of Strength for Today for Men. I wrestled over how to discuss those who enter my life in opposition. As I have learned about setting boundaries and taking care of my holistic self, I have found doubters to be rarer and rarer in my life.

Yet here I am, doubting myself after missing a day of blogging and feeling behind on my devotional journey. My energy is low and I keep going all-out before I have properly rested.

My next steps will be simple. Two devotional posts today and forgiveness for myself.

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“When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven.”
-Nehemiah 1:4

The most important lessons hurt the most. These are the lessons that move us to heal. When we heal ourselves, we begin to heal the world.

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