Category: Devotionals

“This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father…'”
-Matthew 6:9

I look to God when I think of what kind of father I want to be. I look to Him for guidance and example. I look to Him for the strength, compassion, and patience that I need.

Fatherhood put me on the path to love and faith. It opened my heart to the possibility of a greater love and, eventually, revealed ultimate love through Jesus Christ.

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Jacob took the food to his father. “My father?” he said. “Yes, my son,” Isaac answered. “Who are you—Esau or Jacob?”
-Genesis 27:18

I never considered how Isaac’s lack of love for his son, Jacob, left the younger son searching for something to fill that emptiness in his heart.

God’s love is more than an example to me. It is an infinite well that I have access to through Jesus Christ. It fills me when I feel empty and it flows through me when my sons need more love than I think I can offer.

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Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
-Matthew 16:24

Deny yourself and pick up your cross.

I love how specific Jesus is and how much he challenges the individual. He doesn’t say you must do X, Y, and Z, He says, “Let go of your ego and find your meaning.”

I did this when I left my career in proofreading and editing to care for my young sons. I liked my job and believed I was on the right path for myself and my family. It was scary to let go of this path that I had worked hard to find. Without a college degree, I had to be creative in building a portfolio and somehow managing to get an interview. I was proud of those efforts and started to define myself by my “work.”

The fear left me on that first day home alone with my sons. God put it on my heart that I was meant to be the sole caretaker of these boys, at least while my wife was at her job.

But identity and ego have a way of coalescing around challenges. I refused labels outwardly, but sure thought of myself as a “fulltime dad.”

Homeschooling was the next cross for me. This was more intentional than my caregiver role and I saw it as an unpaid promotion in my role as father. Between widowhood and homeschooling, homeschooling was the more difficult, if only for it coming first on my timeline.

Home education was where I faced the most failures and mistakes and fear in any discipline. Mastering those, especially the fear, made it possible for me to find comfort in humility and accept Jesus Christ into my heart. If I hadn’t experienced that arduous journey, widowhood could have finished me.

Routine and comfort just aren’t for me. I stripped down to my underwear and swam in that lake this morning between the full moon and the rising son. I didn’t want to and it’s hard to articulate why I did. I was cozy in pajama pants and a hoodie.

Cozy doesn’t set well with my restlessness. I know there are storms to weather. I prefer to learn my lessons in the voluntary tumults and gain the necessary wisdom for the surprise lightning strikes.

I’ll be home soon in a cluttered space. Another cross to bear as I prepare for greater responsibility.

There is always another cross. I look forward to becoming worthy of the next burden.

Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work.
-Exodus 20:9-10

I knew this book would be challenging, not in the sense that Scripture always challenges me, but in the assumptions of what it means to be a man.

“What kind of work do you do?”

I don’t have a good answer. I pretend that home educating my sons is “work,” but it doesn’t feel like it and it doesn’t fit the assumptions of the question.

My two favorite places to go when I don’t have a good answer are God and the dictionary. When I’m impatient for my prayers to be answered, I think about my words and make sure I’m asking the right question.

Merriam-Webster’s definition of “work”:

This is the way I was built. God gave me a relatively high feminine energy in a masculine body to be a single dad. He gave me a dominant masculine energy to be worthy of my late wife’s trust that I would stay a steadfast father though any storm.

My work is my calling. It is exceptionally difficult to rest when the work is this rewarding. I pause throughout most days and thank God. Devoting an entire day to worship is a worthy goal.

Today will be close. We are camping by a lake. No plans, lots of quiet. Among the trees is where I first experienced the Holy Spirit and still where I find it easiest to feel the overwhelming beauty of God’s Love.

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I held a baby last night. I took him for a walk around a Pennsylvania Dutch-style buffet restaurant that made me think I was back home and not in Florida.

While his parents enjoyed a few minutes of eating with both hands available, I bounced through the gift shop and lingered at the book rack. There were a couple devotionals directed toward men and I felt drawn. My daily prayers don’t often involve an intentional interaction with Scripture and I’ve been wanting to change that.

Thumbing through books while carrying a baby who needs a bounce is a happy place for me.

After dinner I was moved to purchase one with an evergreen print and zipper case.

I look forward to sharing this new journey in God’s Word.