Renee and Stephen have been friends through a full ass decade of changes in our lives.
Now Westen is beginning his journey as an instructor and Isaac is approaching his entrance into the adult program. We are blessed to have met this wonderful couple and watching my sons grow under their tutelage has been a constant source of comfort.
Each day presents challenges and I’m grateful to have read Psalm 118:24 this morning: This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
In this season of new beginnings and the inevitable grief of the way things were, we stay grateful for this, the Lord’s day.
I’m always chasing God. Whether on a soccer field, in conversation, running a business, or in prayer, I feel deeply that God gave me an excess of energy for pursuit.
Isaiah 41:10 KJV — Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 12:2 KJV — Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.
Psalm 23:4 KJV — Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Although I trust in Him, I do not easily rest in that trust.
Romans 8:1-2 KJV — There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.
Isaiah 30:21 KJV — And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.
John 10:27 KJV — My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
Psalm 23:1-3 KJV — A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
I wasn’t so sure about this devotional because it doesn’t print the referenced scriptures. I get suspicious when guidance isn’t right next to the Word.
Today’s entry directed me to find scripture that hit directly on my problem.
I’ve been super distracted and today was really bad, I totally forgot my son’s guitar lesson and I am mentally all over the place. I’m letting social media and worldy concerns take my attention.
Freedom from distraction is found in a focus on The Most High. When I focus on Christ and the Love that I have received from God, my path becomes clear and unlittered.
I’m not there yet. I’m here typing on my phone, thinking about jiu-jitsu and soccer tonight and dinner and what’s tomorrow and and and…
Yet in the tumult, I can see the calm waters beyond. They are always there, waiting for me. There is comfort and reset in those waters.
I’m diving into a couple books that have called out to me.
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And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.
John 5:5 KJV
I had thirty and eight years when I found Jesus in my heart. Many of those years had been spent in discussions, debates, books, lectures, and entertainment designed to uncover the mysteries and meanings of life.
It wasn’t any of that study that ultimately brought me to believing in Jesus Christ as the son of God on Earth. It was reading the words Jesus spoke in his short ministry.
I began my healing in that year. Before I had thirty and nine years, I would lose my wife. If Jesus had not shown up when he did, I don’t know how I would have survived the pain and brokeness of widowhood.
I still lean into the discussions and lectures (debates, not so much). I have an active, curious mind and I want to feed it nourishing food. However, I’m happiest and most comforted when faith is easy and heartfelt.
We have a skin infection running through the house. One son likely got it in a jiu-jitsu tournament and now my other son and I are suffering from it. I was feeling low and ugly this morning. Physical affection is my love language and I felt untouchable. To protect those I love I would have to be lonely. I thought a simple thing, “Only Jesus would hold me like this.”
The woe-is-me became a solace. No matter how much the world might reject me, I have absolute faith that Jesus will love me. I’m spiritually vulnerable and convinced that is how this infection was able to take hold.
I am healing. God is the source of healing and we are called to meet Him in that healing place.
And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of Him that created him: Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all. Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
Colossians 3:10-13 KJV
Becoming Christ is impossible. Becoming more Christ-like is a daily effort.
I fall short of this effort on most days. I seek Christ’s strength and wisdom, as well as his compassion and forgiveness. It’s the challenge and balance of parenthood. It’s exhausting to stay strong in conviction, yet love those who mistreat you. This is painfully complicated when those betrayers are your children.
I know God meant me to raise these willful boys. It’s a thousand blessings measured against a handful of curses. And that’s just before lunch.
Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
Colossians 2:8 KJV
I’m trying to stay in the Word as I also study Greek philosophy alongside my sons. It is critical and enlightening to study great thinkers, yet human cleverness leads down many errant paths.
Just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. -Colossians 2:6 NLT
I need a church that focuses on following Christ. Specifically, a place that values listening.
When I first started studying the New Testament as an adult, it struck me how Jesus listened to those who disagreed with him the most. I came to value listening as the highest form of Love.
Modern Christianity is lacking this fundamentally important skill. There are a great many assumptions that aren’t allowed to be examined. Those who wish to ask the deepest questions are seen as trouble makers, or far worse.
I’m more comfortable around non-Christians or other churchless followers of Christ. These are the places I hear tough questions and receive compassionate listening.
I’m not ready to not have a church. Regular worship and fellowship are important to me. It’s important for me to hear things I don’t agree with or fully comprehend. I want to be challenged and loved in a community that respects my spiritual journey.
I understand how rare this kind of group may be. My journey in the home education sphere has had a similar arc of excommunication and coalescence. Considering my current endeavors and energy, I don’t think I have it in me to establish a new faith community. Maybe someday.
Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. -Mark 4:38-39
This story is powerful in my heart. The storm of grief has calmed and I am left with a tired peace.
In the aftermath I am able to see that one emotion did not plague me last night. My pain was free of guilt. Guilt has been with me many times over these five years. It has followed nearly all of the happy memories I have created in widowhood. I know it is not gone. All of these feelings will be back. But, today I am free of it.
That brings me great peace. Jesus is the ultimate healer.
And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. “Take heed lest you forget the LORD your God, by not keeping his commandments and his ordinances and his statutes, which I command you this day: lest, when you have eaten and are full, and have built goodly houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply, and your silver and gold is multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage, who led you through the great and terrible wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, who fed you in the wilderness with manna which your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth; that he may confirm his covenant which he swore to your fathers, as at this day. -Deuteronomy 8:10-18 RSV
Thank you, Lord. You have given me many gifts, opportunities, and blessings. I seek to remember You each day.
