The healing journey of a widowed, unschooling badass in Delaware.
Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
Colossians 2:8 KJV
I’m trying to stay in the Word as I also study Greek philosophy alongside my sons. It is critical and enlightening to study great thinkers, yet human cleverness leads down many errant paths.
Just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him.
-Colossians 2:6 NLT
I need a church that focuses on following Christ. Specifically, a place that values listening.
When I first started studying the New Testament as an adult, it struck me how Jesus listened to those who disagreed with him the most. I came to value listening as the highest form of Love.
Modern Christianity is lacking this fundamentally important skill. There are a great many assumptions that aren’t allowed to be examined. Those who wish to ask the deepest questions are seen as trouble makers, or far worse.
I’m more comfortable around non-Christians or other churchless followers of Christ. These are the places I hear tough questions and receive compassionate listening.
I’m not ready to not have a church. Regular worship and fellowship are important to me. It’s important for me to hear things I don’t agree with or fully comprehend. I want to be challenged and loved in a community that respects my spiritual journey.
I understand how rare this kind of group may be. My journey in the home education sphere has had a similar arc of excommunication and coalescence. Considering my current endeavors and energy, I don’t think I have it in me to establish a new faith community. Maybe someday.
Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
-Mark 4:38-39
This story is powerful in my heart. The storm of grief has calmed and I am left with a tired peace.
In the aftermath I am able to see that one emotion did not plague me last night. My pain was free of guilt. Guilt has been with me many times over these five years. It has followed nearly all of the happy memories I have created in widowhood. I know it is not gone. All of these feelings will be back. But, today I am free of it.
That brings me great peace. Jesus is the ultimate healer.
And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. “Take heed lest you forget the LORD your God, by not keeping his commandments and his ordinances and his statutes, which I command you this day: lest, when you have eaten and are full, and have built goodly houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply, and your silver and gold is multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage, who led you through the great and terrible wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, who fed you in the wilderness with manna which your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth; that he may confirm his covenant which he swore to your fathers, as at this day.
-Deuteronomy 8:10-18 RSV
Thank you, Lord. You have given me many gifts, opportunities, and blessings. I seek to remember You each day.
Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.
-Luke 15:6 NIV
I read this verse on the Our Daily Bread app today, along with this prayer.
Thank You, Jesus, for finding and loving me! Please send me in Your joy to another who needs You today.
No matter how lost I may feel, I return to the comfort of knowing that Jesus has found me.
My study of Exodus is centered around Jordan Peterson’s roundtable discussion series hosted at Daily Wire.
Peterson’s series on Genesis was deeply informative on the journey to finding Christ in my heart. His academic approach to the text eased much of the resistance my over-thinking brain placed in my path.
This new roundtable format relieves a concern I’ve had that Peterson has created few original insights since his recent health troubles. In this group are Christian and Jewish scholars who do not shy away from the spiritual importance of the text. I’m on episode 5 and Dennis Prager stands out with his knowledge of the Hebrew language and the Torah.
I highly recommend this series to anyone who wants to understand the foundational stories of the major religions. They are behind a paywall and I have no affiliation with the Daily Wire. The app is easy to use and videos will continue to play when the phone’s display is off. I exclusively listen to content if I’m not sharing the experience with someone else.
There is a ton of content at the Daily Wire and I’m pleased with my choice to pay for a year of access.
I haven’t been writing about this chapter in my faith journey, but I have been studying Exodus and the Old Testament.
I find myself without a place of worship. It’s a private part of my path, yet I believe it is important to share that I am trying to walk in Christ’s footsteps every day.
Disclosure: The links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
“…and that’s just my personal opinion not my religious opinion…”
Christians have a problem. How can one’s opinion of another human be devoid of religion? Is religion not the lense through which we determine good and evil in the world? Is it not how we mitigate emotional judgment? Is judgment not reserved for God? How can we speak to each other in insults?
“Don’t bring my religion into it…”
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don’t put your confidence in your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path.
-Proverbs 3:5-6
What ever you do, whether in word or deed, do it in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him.
-Colossians 3:17
I am often wrong. I often act out of anger and ignorance. I often fail to give thanks to God for all that I have. I often fall short of thinking of Him in all that I do.
I am not judging the self-proclaimed Christian who insulted me on a public forum and doubled down when given the oppotunity to retract. I believe I can use this moment to remind myself and others that the world is watching us and that, whether we like it or not, we are always Christians and always judged as such.
I can only speculate that this insult was inspired by a differing political opinion. Politics robs us of spirituality. It is entirely worldly. Politicians seek material wealth and oppressive power over others, no political career is driven by spiritual riches.
I pray that Christians can be released from the political trap set by the world’s elite to pit us against each other. We must rise above power grabbing and begin to love one other.
Him we proclaim, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man mature in Christ. For this I toil, striving with all the energy which he mightily inspires within me.
-Colossians 1:28-29 RSV
I stay humble, but unafraid, in sharing my relationship with Christ. I try not to preach, but I also don’t let too much conversation pass before making my faith in God known.
This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace.
-Colossians 1:6 NLT
A setback here, a consolation or two there, today was a mixed bag.
I took a break with God’s word in the middle of my day and remembered how much my life has changed since I experienced the critical words in this verse: “…and understood the truth…”
I had heard the Word my whole life. As a youth in the Jehovah’s Witnesses, I studied it. I understood much of it on an intellectual level. In adulthood, I thought the lessons and warnings could lead me to righteous living.
They did not. My drinking and temper problems were impervious to the rules and dictates I tried to impose.
It wasn’t until my heart opened to relationship with Jesus Christ that I began to heal in His grace. Through His love I found a way to love myself and treat myself as God, the Father, wished.
Understanding comes through the heart, not the brain.