The healing journey of a widowed, unschooling badass in Delaware.
In this scene from Shakespeare’s The Tempest, Stephano, Trinculo, and Caliban sneak towards a murderous plot. The first two drunken fools are distracted by a clotheline of fancy articles while Caliban loses his patience and rages against them.
We recently saw Delaware Shakespeare‘s production of The Tempest and I was inspired to recreate this scene.
I’ve gotten a little lazy when it comes to taking my boys to see Shakespeare. We did almost no prep before seeing Delaware Shakespeare‘s production of The Tempest.
First, DelShakes does a great job of introducing the characters and plot. Second, my sons have attended, performed in, or stage managed over a dozen Shakespeare performances. They have a comfort level with the language and rhythms that I would never have expected from 11- and 13-year-old boys.
Although my younger son was not enthusiastic, we were joined by my girlfriend and her theater-loving daughter and had a wonderful time during the last show of the run.
My older son is working behind the scenes in Pages Alive Theater‘s production of Much Ado About Nothing. He has a natural talent for comedy, but I can tell he is craving another go at tragedy.
His first speaking part was as a messenger in Macbeth and the Scottish play has been on his mind as he thinks more about theater.
Here he recreates the opening scene with automatons as witches in opposition to the martial dress of Macbeth and Banquo.
Alternate visions and interpretations are always encouraged in our learning lifestyle and Manga Shakespeare: Macbeth served as an inspiration for this build.
Westen’s first speaking role was as a messenger in Macbeth. Although only a few lines, he had to deliver them alone and in front of the curtain during a scene change.
He was so comfortable and there was no doubt that there would be more plays in his future.
He seems most suited for villians and comics on stage, but his recent passion for behind-the-scenes work has him student directing a production of Much Ado About Nothing this summer.
My older son is getting a lot of attention in the adult jiu-jitsu class. People are learning what his coach and I have been seeing for years, that he’s focused on technique and won’t be intimidated by someone’s size or skill. He battles and learns like he was built for it.
A fellow practitioner asked me about his involvement with other sports and I said, “Actually, he’s really into theater. He’s been on stage many times and is the student director on a production of Much Ado About Nothing right now.”
Our conversation turned to Shakespeare and I was happy to find another lover of The Bard. I guess my passion got her to ask, “Do you teach Shakespeare?” “Well, I’m a homeschool dad, so I don’t teach anything.”
I’m a facilitator. Yes, I brought Shakespeare into my boys’ (and wife’s and lovers’ and anyone who will let me drag them to a show) lives, but after that, I don’t teach. I will spout off because I am truly curious and passionate about so many things, but I have modeled a spirit of challenge with my boys. It can be infuriating, but they know that speaking truth is their responsibility and repeating the words of an “authority” will never fly for truthful thought.
We found a lot of freedom when I gave up teaching. It created space for more passion and curiosity, it took the chains off our learning lifestyle.
Westen has been performing Shakespeare since before he could read. We were celebrating the Bard’s birthday with Delaware Shakespeare when he volunteered to read some lines. Before I could protest, this little guy toddled up to the mic and I sat terrified for him.
Producing Artistic Director David Stradley fed him lines in his ear and he recited them darn near perfectly.
A small role in Macbeth came once Westen learned how to read and there have been many plays since.
Today was the culmination of two short weeks of preparation. Westen had to memorize two monologues (Hamlet’s To Be or Not To Be and Marc Antony’s Funeral Speech from Julius Caesar). Isaac’s lines were spread out and he had to navigate multiple cues.
After performing a cheat-sheet version of Julius Caesar in Barnes and Noble, the troupe headed to the Christiana Mall food court to surprise shoppers with quick hits from several plays and a remarkably bad rendition of “Happy Birthday” (in their defense, it’s not Shakespearean).
Homeschool friends came to support the boys and I was filled with gratitude for these opportunities and the community that creates them.
We made it to Delaware Shakespeare‘s Midsummer Mix Tape performance this evening. It was a delightful selection of songs and scenes from past and future DelShakes productions.
It was a joy to once again picnic at Rockwood Park and experience the Bard live on stage.
We are most looking forward to the upcoming productions of Twelfth Night (my older son’s first experience with DelShakes in his first months of life) and The Tempest.
But before that, I urge you to visit Delshakes.org and get tickets for one, or more, of their summer productions.
Disclosure: The links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
Westen, my older son, stole the iPad from my room last night and stayed up with videos and games.
This morning he missed jiu-jitsu because of his late night. I missed out on yoga because I was trying to get him up and didn’t yet know about his deception. Neither of us had a top morning.
A friend needed a favor, so I was blessed with the chance to put some space between me and my son. I don’t handle these situations well and needed the productive cool-off time.
By the time I returned, I was ready to ignore the fiasco as long as it would buy me a quiet house. Our plan was to attend a Delaware Shakespeare performance this evening and that offered enough complications on its own.
My younger son, Isaac, hasn’t been game for getting out of the house as of late. None of my plans seem to please him until the car door opens at our destination, then, maybe, he’ll be the happy little kid I know.
He never used to put up a fight about Shakespeare, but I was expecting one today. With my patience thinned out before noon, I was not optimistic about my plans.
I ordered pizza from Claymont Steak Shop for a picnic before the outdoor show and crossed my fingers. Isaac put up no fight and we got out the door on time. Things seemed to be turning in my direction.
As we got to the park, I looked for the email with our tickets. What I found was a cancellation notice due to inclement weather. I thought, “Here we go. Questions about why I didn’t check sooner and ‘Was this a trick?’ were sure to come.”
But they didn’t come. We discussed where to find cover to eat and got ourselves set up. I often carry a camp table and it came in handy with the other picnic preparations.
We filled our bellies, played a little in the rain, and calmly discussed which movie to watch before bed.
The whole day teetered at the edge of disaster, but cool heads and reluctant forgiveness kept us together.
Disclosure:
In small, strange ways, the items linked below kept our day moving in a positive manner. They are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
Stanley Kubrick’s Clockwork Orange (Music From the Soundtrack)
Fuck, I curse too much for this gig.
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
I’ve never acted, directed, written, built a set, played music, or been any part of a stage production. I’m sitting in on auditions this week and don’t know the material. The Pilgrim’s Progress is the most famous Christian novel in history and I hardly know the outline. I feel that pressure too, of not being “enough” of a Christian, whatever that means. And getting children to focus on a task is not an unschooling dad’s strongest play. Even though I’ve been assured that my role will be limited and it all seems manageable, I’m a bit terrified.
That’s why I volunteered. I’ve been a fan of theater since my best friend’s family took us to see Phantom of the Opera in Philly as high school freshmen. He got sent to boarding school and I started hanging with the drama kids. I became a casual theatergoer, from Evil Dead: The Musical to Patrick Stewart as Macbeth in London to many more Shakespeare productions with my sons.
Now I’m father to a couple of drama kids. Their bravery inspires me daily. They love an audience and they’re not afraid of failure. I’m not helping this production for their sake, but they have excited me to take on something new and scary.
FFT: Fucking First Time. New places, new people, new responsibilities…these are the things that frighten and exhilarate me.
I wasn’t feeling strong yesterday. Something insane inside me told me to do the most physically and mentally demanding thing currently in my regimen to say, “No,” to those thoughts.
I signed up for a Brazillian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) class. In the last four days I’ve had two soccer matches, pilates and yoga, another BJJ class, and I’ve got more soccer tonight. I knew this would challenge my mind and body to a new place of strength.
I was the only white belt in the small class, I grappled with black, brown, blue, and purple belts. As I started my second match with the brown belt, I thought about how improbable this all was. Everything I’ve heard about BJJ is terrifying. I don’t think I would ever walk into a gym and ask for this punishment. I’ve never wrestled, lifted, or even watched ultimate fighting. My physical identity was as a relatively small soccer player.
(By the way, do not think about this kind of crap while you’re trying to pass guard on someone who’s been training for 15 years. That’s all I have for BJJ advice.)
My connection was my sons’ participation in the art. They won lessons almost six years ago in a raffle drawing I didn’t remember entering. My older, Westen, has been training for half his life. Stephen and Reneé Plyler of Elevated Studios have been the most consistently supportive adults in my boys’ lives aside from me.
Under Stephen’s guidance, Westen has become the tiniest powerhouse and mentor you could imagine. I’ve seen him grow into a guide for new students and a glutton for larger opponents in training and competition. I’ve never seen him shy away from a challenge on the mat.
It’s not just Stephen, but the community he has built. Adult practitioners have regularly worked with Westen and volunteered to coach him in competition. Elevated held a fundraiser for us when we lost Mary. The turnout was humbling. I knew then that BJJ was a blessing bestowed on us by God.
I still didn’t expect to practice myself.
Parenting takes bravery. Duh, we knew that, it’s a prerequisite. When you choose to homeschool, unschool, free-range, or just plain trust your children with their own fate, you are choosing to test the limits of that bravery.
You will watch them do dangerous things on scooters and skateboards, climb higher than you can stomach, and take risks on stage. Westen once volunteered to read Shakespeare on stage when he knew that he couldn’t read. My heart sank at what a failure that moment could be, how devastating the looks of the audience could become. But he was away, hand raised, charging toward David Stradley of Delaware Shakespeare. There was my fearful investment in that moment. My ego as a homeschooling dad was in danger of my perceived failure to teach my son how to read. I learned a lot in that moment as Westen asked for the lines to be read in his ear. His fearlessness is inspirational. He made me a better dad and human with his courage.
Years later I would feel failure again as I entered him in the wrong division in a BJJ tournament. My miscalculation of his weight and a combining of higher divisions put him well out of his class. I still feel the pain of that mistake, but Westen was undaunted. He fought hard in match after match with experienced competitors who had a seemingly insurmountable advantage of weight. He fought like he could win every time. He cried only after the competiton was done and he hadn’t had one victory. I figured I had ruined BJJ for him. Once he got changed and we were walking to the car, he asked, “When’s the next one, Dad?”
That kind of strength and bravery is unstoppable. He never says no to training, competition, performance, or any new challenge.
God has granted me the privilege of this compassionate warrior in my temporary care. He’s a coach, fellow student, and inspiration to me every day.
I survived a night of arm bars and chokes and I’m feeling strong again. A funny feeling after all the tears this post inspired. It’s all process and I’m grateful for this forum to work out my thoughts in difficult moments.
And I’m grateful for you reading this, God bless,
Jason