Four years ago we went sledding at Ashland Nature Center. On their last run, Isaac’s face went into the brambles at the bottom of the hill. We went directly to training at Elevated Studios. This kid is tough.
Tough Guy
Wanted: Wild Gentlemen
Let’s say I saw a classified ad looking for a Male Rewilding Mentor. How would I respond?
I’m a widowed, unschooling dad and, I guess, an amateur Rewilding Mentor. I host children at my home weekly for Lego building and unstructured play and I’m in an amazing group of homeschooling parents, almost exclusively moms. I care deeply for the daughter of the woman I’m dating and outdoor adventures are our happy place. I’ve built a life surrounded by children and it brings me joy.
I’m not a serious hunting/fishing/survivalist type, but I respect and hold curiosity for all of that and expose my own sons as often as I am able.
What are you searching for and how are you going about it? Are you looking for a paid mentor, or volunteer? I’m not necessarily looking to monetize, I receive many material, spiritual, and emotional gifts from these children and mothers. I’m mentor-curious.
I believe what you are looking for is sorely needed in the world. I want my sons to do this work. I would love them to be Wild Gentlemen. The world would be better with more of that.
I’m not sure how to…what? systemize it, market it, make it go viral, turn the memes into action, manifest a spirit of positive masculinity…
Masculinity needs a rescue.
Best Birthday Eva
This most unusual year has led to the most unusual and wonderful birthday celebration of my life.
We started building a new social group from scratch: veteran unschoolers and home educators, new homeschoolers, crisis, virtual, isolation, and all types of schoolers came together to provide the personal contact that we all knew pur children needed to develop into healthy individuals.
What the parents underestimated was how much we needed personal contact.
These friendships have saved me from (at least) two periods of depression in the last year. Our Thursday meetups have been a lynchpin in my sanity.
When someone started a record of birthdays days before my own, I knew I was in for cupcakes from our resident master baker and probably a song from everyone.
What happened was the biggest show of appreciation I have ever received.
Self Work: Faith
I don’t struggle with faith, exactly. I struggle with understanding, deepening, and living in harmony with my faith.
This conversation between Jordan Peterson and Jonathan Pageau is the first time I’ve heard Peterson identify as a Christian and volunteer the fact that he doesn’t go to church.
Jordan Peterson with Jonathan Pageau
Perhaps my favorite thing about Peterson is the personal investment he brings to intellectual discussion. It can be painful, as important learning must be.
Attending worship services has never settled into routine for us.
Before we were Baptized, Mary and I sought community and stability. We thought we could find that in church. After we had children, Sunday mornings became more challenging. One Sunday, once we had two children and resolved to expose them to regular worship, Mary went to tears before they were awake. We never talked about it deeply, I gave her time. It was months before we started attending again. And then a few months later she asked me about faith.
Mary’s faith was easy. Baptism was a formal declaration of what was on her heart. I was, and am, the overthinker.
I took up intentional prayer, attended a men’s Bible study group, and dove into Peterson’s The Psychological Significance of the Biblical Stories: Genesis and commentaries by more traditional religious leaders.
I’m confident that Jesus moved my heart, but Peterson did a lot of work on by brain.
Worship as a widower has been different. It feels lonely, especially when one son would rather read Deadpool comics in the front pew than listen to the sermon (mind you, he ALWAYS choses the first or second row as his reading spot). The scripture and the message never fail to carry meaning for me, but there’s something out of place about our little family.
This past year has been especially difficult. I tried virtual worship, virtual Bible study, and virtual Sunday school. It all fell flat for all of us. When I was invited onto a Spanish league soccer team that played on Sundays, there was no conflict. I had begun a daily and developing prayer practice and was feeling closer to God, despite missing fellowship with my Christian brothers and sisters.
Soccer shifted indoors and to different days just as I was invited into a new fellowship. There hardly seemed to be a choice to make when I had the opportunity to meet new people and worship unencumbered by regulations that do not ring true to the way I believe Jesus showed us how to behave.
We are becoming a part of this new fellowship. We have been welcomed and I am leading a small in-person study group.
And soccer season approaches.
Not all the games will interfere with worship, but many will. My body craves the level of competition and comraderie of this league and team. My sense of loyalty and gratitude is activated by last year’s invitation to play “normal” soccer when nothing else was. That one invitation has led to dozens of hours of soccer in places where white people don’t usually get welcomed.
I thank God every day for my actively physical life. Mary knew better than I how important soccer is for me. I’ve embraced that somatic need and I feel closer to God when I thank him for my gifts.
There is an ego-driven piece of me that fears explaining to my Monday group that I missed service for soccer. I wonder if this makes me “less of a Christian.” There is comfort in knowing that Peterson has a similar disconnect in his Christian life. I also try to take heart in God’s Grace not being a thing that humans can sort out among themselves. Being Saved isn’t about works, but what is in one’s heart. God knows that better than we do ourselves.
It’s the aim that counts. I can love God and play soccer in an effort to honor the body that God gave me. I don’t worship the game or the body, I worship the Creator and strive to aim at His Kingdom every day.
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Let’s Walk Away Peacefully
Can we do this? Can we have a peaceful split?
My older son and I are slowly working through a fantastic history of the Berlin Wall and how the Soviet Union collapsed. The satellite states split off in largely peaceful ways.
Could the United States of America do the same? I’d like to think so.
The Case for American Secession
What Really Toppled the Berlin Wall
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Encourage and Change the World
The learning lifestyle, home education, and unschooling are minority interests. Few people have an honest curiosity about them (honest curiosity being at the heart of all three concepts).
My message and lifestyle won’t be heard nor understood by many.
That doesn’t deter me. The world changes one person at a time. Taking on these responsibilities is a highly personal decision and can feel isolating. I have been blessed with a platform from which to speak and a heart prepared to listen.
I sat with a homeschooling mom who was feeling something all parents feel, that our choices will not lead to successful adulthood for our children.
I started with the universality of the sentiment and an assurance that it was good and natural to have fear creep in at times.
I went on to talk about the infinite number of paths available to young people and highlighted how many of us left the school system completely lost and unprepared to tackle life. I also shared my story of being listless in my 20s and taking a long road toward experiencing success. I shared my own fears and how I’ve engaged them and put them to rest.
I see my children developing social cooperation skills across a wide range of ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds. I see them engaged in a world that has put isolation and disengagement at the forefront of priorities. I see them exercising their curiosity on a daily basis, learning how to learn.
This won’t be for everyone, not yet. But until everyone embraces the learning lifestyle, I’ll continue to write and talk about it.
Is It Too Late To Start Home Educating?
It is never too late! I didn’t start deschooling myself until I tried home educating my children.
If things are stressful at this pointin the school year, think about a full break from school work. After all, with Spring Break, the school year is almost through anyway.
Look into deschooling and the various educational philosophies before worrying about curriculum, hours per day, or any of the logistics.
I wish I had been more thorough in my research before starting home education, but I would not have delayed the start. All of the mistakes I made provide me with the experience to be more confident in my present learning lifestyle approach.
The bottom line is that you’ll do fine. You love your child and there is no one who cares more about his or her development.
You got this.
I Choose Life
I wrote this one year ago:
If we are not celebrating life, encouraging one another, listening to God, creating value, and kicking ass every day…we are dying.
This has been the hardest year of my life. This week a year ago I was volunteering to support homeless families in their journeys to find employment and stable housing. The world was tipping sideways. Fear was building, but there was hope in the work.
That crumbled in the following three weeks. March got darker and darker and “Two week to flatten the curve” became a fear machine that had no logical end. I decided to change myself as I saw the world would not soon return from this abyss. A year later the fear machine churns on.
The dystopia is worse than I expected, but I’m better. I’m stronger in body, mind, and spirit than I was a year ago. I love myself better. I have a better relationship with God and Jesus. I have daily routines that calm my busy mind and prepare my body for the daily onslaught of fear-based behaviors all around.
I know better now the darkness that was hiding behind the veil of this world. Through knowing that darkness, I can be a brighter light.
I see only two paths. One is toward death, the life that begins and ends in this world. The other is toward life everlasting, the life that God intends for us.
I choose life.
A Significantly Special Lady Person
MY girlfriend. MY lover. MY significant other. Possessive labels disturb me more and more as I try to engage in “normal” conversation and realize that too much of what we call “normal” is wrong at best and evil at worst.
She’s a contender. She schools me on the jiu-jitsu mat and enlightens me on the self-awareness path. She’s a comfortable and compassionate parent who connects effortlessly with the small humans temporarily in my charge. She’s an open and passionate lover with strong and clear boundaries.
She’s a trickster and clown that should not be fucked with. She’s disciplined and still refuses to take anything too seriously.
Our journeys have aligned. She inspires me to be a better version of myself and challenges my assumptions. I challenge her because, well, I’m challenging. I can’t think of one person who would disagree with that.
She is a fully engaged partner in both sparing and relationship contexts. We were meant for each other perfectly in this moment. It feels like more than that, but who in the world could ask for more than the perfect moment?
Same Jersey, Different Jason
I photobombed this kid a couple years ago. His dad has been playing against me for close to ten years and his mom took this picture before a match. Unbeknownst to me, this boy liked watching my boys and their rough play. When pizza showed up, he displayed interest and they shared a slice.
None of the adults involved actually met each other until this summer when my friends and I formed a type of ignore-the-Lockdown club.
Now his mom is a close friend and I’m playing more soccer than ever (losing the beard didn’t hurt). Our children are friends too and I look forward to seeing his dad on the pitch this coming season.
I can outplay that bearded Jason. I’m fitter, stronger, and smarter than that guy.
As spring approaches, a new Jason is ready for a new season.