Delaware Dad

January 15, 2021January 15, 2021

Torn Apart

What do you do when you’ve been insulted by a loved one?

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I want to forgive and make an effort to not take it personally, but I also don’t want to make myself vulnerable to future attacks. I have done well to adhere to Don Miguel Ruiz’s Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally. I find it most difficult when the insult is worded in a deeply personal way.

I can intellectualize why this person has an internal conflict that he is projecting on me. I’m especially good at explaining this when I’m not the one being insulted.

I struggle with letting him close again. I want to model a healthy environment for my sons and curating the souls I choose to be around is an important factor. Since becoming a widower, one of my most important intentions was to invest myself in those who invest in me.

That’s not to the exclusion of strangers and community. Many of our blessings come from these sources and I continue to pour out the energy and resources we possess. It is those who would reject and insult our gifts that I do not want in my life.

Is that it? Is an insult delivered out of a lack of self love harmless and forgettable? Is it still deserving of a new boundary? I don’t see myself or my sons as too fragile to be compassionate to our loved ones. I do see life as precious enough not to share energies with those who would not accept them.

I often tell my sons, “You must ask before helping someone. You cannot help one who does not want help.” Can all communication be defined as “help?” Whether attempting to understand someone or yourself, solve a problem, or share joys and confusions, aren’t we always helping ourselves and others when we are communicating properly?

For now, that is how I will frame it. I will establish healthy boundaries and keep my heart open to forgiveness.

Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements:

January 14, 2021January 14, 2021

“Diametrically”

I asked my son what he would write about auditioning for his role in The Pilgrim’s Progress.

He said he would write about learning the word “diametrically,” even though it turned out not to be in a line he needed to recite.

It’s simple, but he’ll never forget that word and so many others that he’s had to learn for the stage.

It reminds me of his first time at a mic. He volunteered to read a line in Delaware Shakespeare‘s Shakespeare Day event. He couldn’t read yet, but his little hand shot up and he was charging forward before I could stop him. The emcee, David Stradley, read the line in his ear and Westen repeated the words clearly.

His fearlessness is matched only by his curiosity. Adventure means learning and the more we learn, the greater the adventures become.

I’m losing count of the times he has taken the stage in various settings, each time learning more.

January 14, 2021January 28, 2021

Thursdays Are My Favorite

This was established as an anti-isolation group. We were all feeling trapped by government regulations and the fear-based hysteria of the media. We came together as families who wanted to experience community again. We are moms and dads who need human contact and children who need to play with other children.

We’ve become the community we were seeking. We support each other in material and non-material ways. We listen to each others needs and provide when we can. These Thursday meetups have grown into other get-togethers, field trips, homeschool lessons, clubs, and numerous social events.

Thursdays are my favorite because they are when the biggest, and most diverse, group of us meet. Thursdays are when we explore our differences and reveal our similarities. We share ourselves with each other.

January 13, 2021January 13, 2021

A New, Stranger Chapter

A new world opened to me on the last day of our roadtrip under unexpected circumstances. My sons were sleeping in and we were parked in a dingy RV park with a locked bathroom and few amenities, I received a message turning down an invite I had sent to a young lady, and I was nearing panic at being unprepared for responsibilities I had taken on with a homeschool theater group.

All this at the end of another incredible journey could have meant dread at returning home, as I had felt after previous treks.

But it didn’t. I felt freedom in my independence and deep possibilities in cramming for my new role as assistant director. The Pilgrim’s Progress is the play and upon starting my research, I found that I was already connecting with the text and seeing the chance to return to my Covid-interrupted Bible studies, perhaps even in a leadership role.

During the final leg of our voyage, I listened to commentary on the book and it’s Biblical foundations. The protagonist, Christian, goes on a hero’s journey, much like I have since losing my wife. Once home, my sons and I sat down to watch a well-produced animated adaptation. There seems to be a world of knowledge to discover within this book and it sparks my most curious inclinations.

How is this chapter of my life “stranger,” as I claim in my title? Well, that remains to be seen, yet my life has been increasingly strange for a long time and I am happiest when I embrace the weird.

January 12, 2021January 12, 2021

FFT: Assistant Director?!

Fuck, I curse too much for this gig.

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I’ve never acted, directed, written, built a set, played music, or been any part of a stage production. I’m sitting in on auditions this week and don’t know the material. The Pilgrim’s Progress is the most famous Christian novel in history and I hardly know the outline. I feel that pressure too, of not being “enough” of a Christian, whatever that means. And getting children to focus on a task is not an unschooling dad’s strongest play. Even though I’ve been assured that my role will be limited and it all seems manageable, I’m a bit terrified.

That’s why I volunteered. I’ve been a fan of theater since my best friend’s family took us to see Phantom of the Opera in Philly as high school freshmen. He got sent to boarding school and I started hanging with the drama kids. I became a casual theatergoer, from Evil Dead: The Musical to Patrick Stewart as Macbeth in London to many more Shakespeare productions with my sons.

Now I’m father to a couple of drama kids. Their bravery inspires me daily. They love an audience and they’re not afraid of failure. I’m not helping this production for their sake, but they have excited me to take on something new and scary.

FFT: Fucking First Time. New places, new people, new responsibilities…these are the things that frighten and exhilarate me.

January 11, 2021January 11, 2021

Thrice Malice

Michael Malice has evolved from a curmudgeonly hipster troll on late night cable news (Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld) to the most curmudgeonly optimistic troll in media today. It has been a joy to watch his public journey toward self actualization.

During a few hours on the road yesterday, I was able to listen to three new interviews with him. Each with a different flavor.

The first to grab my attention was Malice with Isaac Morehouse.

Michael Malice Thinks Things Are Looking Up

Morehouse is the founder of Praxis, a modern apprenticeship company expanding the options for young people to enter a productive and fulfilling adulthood. He talks with Malice about the broad concepts of the Red Pill and the White Pill.

The Red Pill is the mindset shift that occurs when one understands that the corporate media is lying to them about almost everything. One pill may have you realizing that reporters are ordinary humans who want to be liked by the celebrities, politicians, and power brokers they cover and will protect those relationships rather than chronicle dirty truths (e.g. Epstein, Queen Elizabeth II, Kate Middleton, and Prince William). Though Malice warns, “You’re supposed to take one Red Pill, not the whole bottle.” I’m guilty of recreational Red Pilling when the accepted bullshit is flowing my way.

The White Pill is the hero to the villainess Black Pill. Simply put, it is the idea that today’s methods of communication and information sharing have taken away the power of the few to control the narratives that lie us into domestic, international, and interpersonal conflicts. There will continue to be turmoil as the power structure is brought down, but the world will be freer and more peaceful on the other side.

As I don’t obsess over the latest fever dream of broadcast news, and Malice mentioned the storming of the Capitol in that podcast, I sought out commentary and eyewitness accounts of what happened recently in Washington, DC.

Storming the Capitol: Michael Malice, Karlyn Borysenko and Elijah Schaffer

Dave Rubin is a commentator who I have come trust through his relationship and discussions with Jordan Peterson and his public conversion away from ideology.

This roundtable includes two reporters who were at the scene on the events in DC on January 6th. These are not narratives, but facts from the ground that will not please those who want a tidy story. Malice rightfully puts this in context with the burning of DC and other cities in June.

Lastly, I found Malice’s latest episode of “Your Welcome” where he has a conversation with comedian Dave Smith.

Dave Smith – In The House 10.Three – Episode #136

Smith and Malice discuss the general mess that is the Libertarian Party. The Party missed a huge opportunity in 2020 and is floundering with an undercooked stew of bumper sticker ideas and desire to be “in the middle.”

One big takeaway from this conversation for me is the concept that libertarians have a position that can out right the Right and out left the Left. I have to give it another listen, but this may be the banner under which libertarians can gather a cohesive debate strategy.

That’s a lot of homework and I hate homework. The first discussion is really the one you want to introduce you to Michael Malice and a positive outlook for the coming storm.

Michael Malice’s books:

Isaac Morehouse’s books:

Dave Rubin’s book:

Dave Smith’s comedy special:

What I’m reading:

January 10, 2021January 10, 2021

LOVE

During a visit to Bok Tower Gardens in Lake Wales, Florida, we spent time creating art and music at their children’s garden.

I found instant tranquility in the watercolors placed on the pint-sized work table. Similarly, my sons dove into their projects.

Another child, maybe three or four years old, sat with me to create shapes no more complex than my own.

After his mom coaxed him back to his group, I noticed what he had painted. It was a padlock that had a heart in the space between the shank and the body (learning lifestyle bonus point: I had to look up the names of those parts). Children are clued into a deeper level of existence. Heart imagery has been trailing me for days and I know this is God’s way of refocusing me on love.

Meanwhile, the Zerbey creations were a bit more wild.

January 9, 2021

Because I’m Too Tired To Write About Our Amazing Day At Legoland, Florida

Twitter has been banning and shadow banning people for years without clear communication, although with clear ideological bias. This has been a growing problem, but Trump was unwilling to stand up to them, until he was the target. It was predictable.

You can oppose the ban and the man, although the ban is a much bigger threat. He was voted out, for goodness sake, now they’re trying to turn him into a martyr. Bad move on Twitter’s part.

January 8, 2021January 8, 2021

1 Adult, 2 Children

“Okay, two children, then two adults?”

“No, just one adult.”

I book a lot of campsites and RV sites. Often, the best places are the least technological and require a phone or in-person reservation.

It’s a little gut punch when the (almost always) female voice stops for a moment to ponder this odd family with a lone dad.

Sometimes I laugh to myself at the scenarios that could be cooking behind those confused pauses. Sometimes I think about how much it sucks to do this on my own.

On this trip, I’ve thought about how much nicer it would be to have an adventurous companion. My sons are increasingly independent and that leaves me with more time alone. I miss having a partner in the passenger seat, even though I’ve spent most of the last three years as a solo parent.

I love my own independence in choosing adventures, I love my quiet time reading or writing, and I love the precious time I am blessed to spend with my sons. Those passions demand a special kind of partner, the type who values her independence as much as a shared relationship.

That’s the balance in all relationships, how much to give oneself and how much to give of oneself. I am plentiful on both ends of that scale, but the balance takes constant care and intention.

I relish these days as I learn more about myself and practice balance in parenting.

January 7, 2021January 7, 2021

Night Time Fun in Sarasota

A real life, living, live and alive, amplified bluegrass band? I don’t care if the setlist was uninspired (and more country than bluegrass), the female lead singer had an old school somewhere-between-Patsy-Cline-and-June-Carter vibe and the bass player was super cool with my son. Live music is in my DNA. It seemed like such a simple pleasure 10 months ago and now, now it’s the kind of thing I would drive a thousand miles to see.