Biases. Traumas. Limbic responses. I’ve become increasingly open to the idea that free will is rare. I’m also exploring Sam Harris’s concept that it doesn’t exist at all. His argument is complex and pushes my processing power to its limits. What I do grasp of it comes to this: We are emotional, instinctual, pattern-based creatures whose actions are determined well before rational thought and decision-making come into play.
I have found this approach to my own existence to be helpful. What are my motivations? If the “rational” move doesn’t “feel” right to me, do I still make it? Do I trust my heart over my brain? Am I terrified by the places my brain can take me?
There are my theoretical caveats. I don’t think there is enough information available to make rational arguments concerning grand gestures regarding our current health, economic, psychological, sociological, and spiritual concerns.
Nevertheless, rationality aside, with insufficient information, I choose to act, think, and write.
I do not trust a government of any size. I’ve been lied to by government officials at every level. I do not trust any given media outlet. I’ve had my words distorted. At 15 I was a nerd watching C-SPAN, listening to Newt Gingrich late one night. The next day I heard a news report using his words out of context in a disgusting twist. I was put on alert that day and have since seen this tactic over and over. I do not trust the health care system. They are heavily regulated and beholden to the government. Perhaps, this is my least rational distrust. Anecdotally, I have side stepped conventional wisdom and taken a more natural and holistic approach to my health and the health of my sons. I’ve ditched all pharmaceutical products and taken a broader look at health as an integrated system of mind, body, and spirit. All parts not only affecting each other, but no divisions, full Unity. It is the Holy Trinity working in practical self care. After the most challenging two years of my life I am stronger, happier, healthier, and more content than ever.
I boil down my resistance to government, modern health care, and media to one concept: conventional wisdom (CW). If not rejected at every instance, I attempt to question and analyze CW at length. I have an emotional response to CW. If I hear the same words, in the same order, out of multiple mouths, I am inclined to look elsewhere for the truth. Truth isn’t bumper stickers, it isn’t easy, and we each need to put it in our own words to make sense of it. Truth takes a piece out of you, or your family, or your friends, or your past, or your future, or all of it. Truth is a knife that cuts off a poisonous part of you, one that is alive and will hurt like Hell to lose.
Truth is always elusive. In the world’s response to current conditions, it feels more clouded than ever. If what governments and media are reporting is true, the reactions appear unbalanced, irrational, and misguided. If these organizations are not being truthful, than the reactions could be far deadlier than the perceived threat.
We are not having honest discussions about any of it. Friends and neighbors are not listening to each other. Restrictions make face-to-face conversations difficult and online discussions lack the empathy that occurs due to nonverbal communication. Empathy, that’s one of those limbic responses that stops us from hurting each other with words. Empathy is not activated when words are disembodied, we’re reacting to black symbols on a white field, inhuman, easily transformed into our personal monsters. This is a traumatic time, unique to our species in being able to communicate with one another in very limited fashion. We are learning bad habits and destructive patterns of communication. In person, we stand at distance, hardly daring to look at one another, with half our face hidden. Under the guise of keeping some healthy, we are making a society sick.
I don’t think this is a close call. It matters how you live, not how long. Is there a line to draw? Is there a personal decision to make? Maybe you want to be the oldest living human, the last man standing, okay, do what you need to do to live a long life. I choose the life that best feeds my soul and shines light to all who care to see. That means sitting on a museum floor with my sons and talking about one painting for half an hour. That means colliding with other humans on a soccer field, testing myself against passionate competitors. That means Bible study, grief therapy groups, and home education meetups. That means learning about myself in a grueling hot yoga class, lying still at the end of that class in a room full of still people, and receiving wisdom from the stillness. That means witnessing my sons experience their own best lives through acting, jiu-jitsu, quidditch, book discussion groups, Lego Club, and play.
I’ve got more on resistance. This is my starting point. A declaration of sorts.
God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason
