Posts

Posted on

The Toilet Works?

For his entire life, my ten-year-old has watched me grumble and curse my way through innumerable toilet repairs, installations, and temporary rigs. When the arm snapped in the downstairs toilet tank this week, I had just conquered a devil of a drain clog and was not up for another job. I didn’t say anything to the boys, I lifted the lid and manually flushed when needed.

Then, I heard the toilet flush. Westen emerged from the bathroom and I said, “How’d you do that?” “Do what?” he replied. “Did you lift the lid? The toilet’s broken.” “Oh no, the flusher broke, so I rigged it this morning.”

He’s a little hero. He holds the door for everyone, grabs a child’s hand on unsteady rocks, entertains wherever he goes, and sees problems as opportunities. “Dad, what can we do to help?” might as well be his catch phrase.

When he’s not being a leader and not making a situation better and I call him out on it (usually too harshly), I see the disappointment and embarrassment on his face.

I criticize my sons too much. They’re beautiful, compassionate, mature beyond their years, brilliant, and endlessly creative. But not always, just like any of us.

Today we’re going to adventure and I’m going to concentrate on praising them aloud when it is called for and supporting them when it is needed and loving them through all of it.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

Letting Go Through Letter Writing

I was reintroduced to hand letter writing the day my wife died. A friend lost her grandmother and decades-long pen pal on the same day. I saw an opportunity to create and strengthen connections on a day when I had lost my greatest earthly bond.

I’ve written to dozens of people in the last year and noticed a strange pattern. I often forget what I’ve written. Strange because I take time with my writing and usually reread before sending. Natural in that I don’t make copies and rarely get responses to remind me of what I’ve sent into the world.

I know I release pain in the writing process, breaks for tears are common, but I didn’t know the power of addressing, stamping, and mailing the correspondence. It’s a ritual of sacrifice, honoring the source of hurt and dismissing it as no longer useful.

As a photographer, Alessandra Nicole documented our family at local events and museums. As a friend and TEDx speaker, she’s provided me with a way tools to connect with a world that can be resistant to a widower in its midst.

Please take a moment to watch her talk on paper letter exchange.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

The Adventure Comes Home To Roost

Two weeks ago I was presented with the idea of being on TV with my sons to build a tiny, off-grid house in Texas. Like a rising wave, it quickly grew into building a magical, off-grid dwelling in the Australian bush.

I dove in. My sons dove in. It felt right. We started watching shows, videos, and documentaries. I looked at available land, reached out to Australian relatives and home educators to start building a community ahead of the abode, and had serious conversations with smart people about making it happen.

The challenges got daunting, so I went public on FB to find support and give myself more pressure to make it happen. I truly believed I should do all I could to make this adventure a reality.

We got to the interview process and my sons did wonderfully. They pointed out to me that I repeatedly forgot the coaching and instructions of the casting producer, but I thought it went well.

News was slow to come after the interview and doubts and questions about the project arose. I wasn’t shy about going to Australia. In fact, I had promised the boys that we would go whether the show wanted us or not. Ultimately, it wasn’t the actual questions that moved my heart, but that many answers would depend entirely on other people. Since I lost my wife, my greatest joy and burden has been answering questions and going on adventures (and doing most other things) as a single parent. The boys get a lot of say, but there’s no doubt that responsibility, blame, and credit all come back to me.

I wasn’t ready to relinquish my instincts to someone else’s priorities. I started secretly hoping the opportunity wouldn’t materialize, that I wouldn’t have to carry the burden this time.

During my late nights of research and worry, I started dreaming about my heart lying deep under reality, as if I had forgotten about it. This morning I woke with anxiety and determined to spend time in prayer to let the answer in to wash away my cluttered thoughts. I planned to go to a yoga class to clear my mind and then visit Mary’s resting place. I wasn’t going to get through another day without clarity.

The intention was enough. Before I got out my front door I had my answer. We adventure every day, these two weeks made those possibilities broader and grander, and I’ve got my own deep well of trails to blaze. My heart thanked me for listening and my body got lighter.

I don’t feel good about letting down the casting producer. Diona Vaughan of Aberrant Creative was amazingly supportive and I believe she was fighting for us to be a part of this project. She was sweet to me and the boys about Mary and shepherding rookies through the process. Letting her down was the last, and possibly hardest, hurdle for me to cross to decide not to move forward.

I do feel good about the world map still lain out on the floor. We actively look at the world as a set of seemingly limitless opportunities. In spite of this adventure not taking flight, our sights are set higher and our world has gotten a bigger.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

What I Found Under Reality

My dream/fantasy/self exploration world just got stranger.

I imagined that wormholes actually consisted of sub-dimensional creatures that opened at both ends to allow travel through space and time. As I envisioned this, it became clear that the worms were not opening for passage, but had been a single creature severed an uncountable number of times.

Reality is built on the foundation of a mutilated past. I had heard this, but never seen it in my mind this way.

What was surprising was what I found as I spent time in this subcutaneous layer of reality: a heart. A Franklin Institute-sized, translucent blue, radiating, human heart.

I touched the heart and it infused me with a warm, crackling energy. It felt like love.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

It Ain’t Easy: Voluntarism

Honoring my sons as individuals can be my biggest struggle. Providing for their needs, desires, and opportunities gives me a lot of power over their existence. Not exercising that power as a single dad is an extra fight. Mary and I would check each other if we found the other bribing, manipulating, or strong arming. Now I’ve got to observe myself and self evaluate, sometimes on the fly. It’s taught me a lot about myself and exposed the subtle, and less-than-subtle, engineering I try to impose on their lives.

My (possessive language is an obstacle to individuality) younger son, Isaac, is a moving target. He always says “yes” to trying something new. At the Milton Farmer’s Market, he borrowed a couple dollars from his aunt and bounded over to get himself freshly shucked oysters from Johnson Bay Oyster Company. The follow through gets trickier. The oyster slid easily into his mouth…pause…I encourage, “Swallow! Go for it! Get it down!”…the exit wasn’t graceful.

When the chance to try BMX racing arose, both sons were all in. After practicing around the hilly track and observing the more experienced racers, Isaac was not interested in competing. I was convinced that he would enjoy himself and be proud of overcoming his fear, but I stressed that it was his choice and it would be fine not to race. Kim, First State BMX‘s finest representative, helped by enticing with a guaranteed trophy in the novice division. I could see Isaac retreat from an automatic reward, but I explained it would be earned by taking on a new and scary endeavor with courage. As an official Jiu-Jitsu Dad, I went for it, “This is your chance to earn your white belt.”

At Elevated Studios, new students have to earn their first belt by participating in a class. I was mildly chagrined at pulling out the big persuasion guns, but he jammed that helmet back on and went to practice on the starting gate.

Through three heats I watched him grow from awkward to, well, still awkward, but confidently so. Confidently awkward is one of our sweet spots.

Isaac was the last one off the track, bringing to mind one of his mom’s favorite bands:

“The arena is empty except for one man
Still driving and striving as fast as he can
The sun has gone down and the moon has come up
And long ago somebody left with the cup
But he’s driving and striving and hugging the turns”

-Cake, “The Distance”

Voluntarism is a dance, often with ourselves. Sometimes we need someone to choose the song or nudge us onto the dance floor. I can make all the mistakes, music up too high or shoving instead of nudging.

Increasingly, I find the ways to create options and encourage the follow through.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

All The Stengths

A new adventure is taking shape.

It’s going to take more emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual strength than we’ve ever needed.

Mary and I started a journey of parenthood that we thought would last for much longer than it did. Through faith, open communication, jiu-jitsu, and a commitment to the learning lifestyle, we focused on raising good and strong men.

I’m proud to continue that journey and witness their strength grow everyday to a place where I believe we can tackle the biggest challenges.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

Love Yourself As You Love Others

These guidelines ring true for the self just as much as they are good guidance on treating others with respect and love.

We’ll stand up and advocate for others before we protect our boundaries, love others before we love ourselves, and take better care of others than we will ourselves.

The more you love and protect yourself, the better equipped you will be to love and protect others.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

Friends at Fortify

We enjoyed perfect August weather at Fort DuPont today for the Fortify Festival and saw lots of friends.

There were old friends who knew me in the years before I met Mary, friends who have only known me as a widower, and a brand new, beautiful spirit of a friend.

I hadn’t planned on attending today as new adventures quickly approach, but a series of events led me to Delaware City today to be with special people.

We played, danced, hula hooped, stretched out, ran races, kicked around, and made the best of every moment. No time was wasted as the adults told inappropriate stories when the children ran off and took turns joining in on their games.

Dirty, tired, and full of shaved ice, we’re all ready for sweet dreams.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

Summer Surrender

A lover pulled the Hermit for me during a tarot reading this winter. It seemed impossible. With two sons and a co-parent with her own children, I was rarely alone and quite content surrounded by the energy of others.

Summer storms have washed away much of that energy.

There is no more romance and friends and family continue to disappear. My sons spend much of the day with neighborhood friends and I’m alone in my house more than ever.

I’m giving in to the quiet. I’m finding myself there. I’m remembering the young man who would spend hours reading and writing in search of truth and beauty.

As I compose this post, an unusual Hermit’s adventure is presenting itself. I’m surrendering to the call to get away from people and closer to nature than I have ever been. I don’t know where it might take me, but I am ready.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

Posted on

It’s All Better Than They Claim

I was fortunate to have a father who taught me that school wasn’t about learning and that it wouldn’t take much to turn a sold out concert venue into a death trap.

Malevolence isn’t necessary for very bad things to happen.

Again, I was lucky to have wise guidance. Better than biography is historical perspective.

I would encourage you to check out humanprogress.org and this interview with Steven Pinker: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-jordan-b-peterson-podcast/id1184022695?i=1000446083470

Almost everything is objectively better and safer than ever. This is bad news for the innumerable powers trying to scare us into surrendering our freedom to them.

The kidnapping scares of the 80s and 90s were fabricated as those numbers fell. Thirty years later kids aren’t allowed outside (e.g. local PA town passing a daytime curfew). Shark Attack Summer was a narrative contrary to the facts. The fear narrative always trumps facts in the media. The content providers do not want an activated people in their communities solving the very real problems that could be solved. They would rather present perpetual problems that have us voting for force of law against one another and doing nothing for each other.

Consider who most benefits from “terrorism.”