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Positive Parenting Challenge: Day Fourteen: Christ’s Representative?

On Sunday it’s easy to listen to the sermon, participate in lively Sunday School discussion, and carry the Word out into the world to enjoy God’s magnificent creation.

Then it’s Monday and your son starts the day with a meltdown that neither of you can understand. Things turn around quickly and the day is positive: friends, library, jiu-jitsu, and back to our South Phillyopoly game. Now you’re all tired and the frustrated yelling begins again. Hugs stop the escalation, but your head is pounding from a voice saying, “DON’T YELL AGAIN.”

You don’t yell. You also don’t feel a whole lot like that representative of Christ that was strolling around the previous day.

When I chose to be saved by Jesus Christ I knew it wouldn’t be easy to follow his example. Parenting has been the hardest and most often failed task in that regard. Challenging myself to focus on being a positive parent every day has proven painful and gainful. When I align those targets, one towards Christ and one towards being a better father, I see the path is the same.

God bless,

Jason

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Positive Parenting Challenge: Day Thirteen: Chill Support

Single parenting. It still doesn’t feel right for me. We’re always having more fun, learning more, and being more positive when we’re around our friends. I’ve felt supported most by local parents. Whether they’re single moms, home educators, or those in more traditional educational and familial arrangements, families have formed the backbone of our new life.

There are a couple standouts. Families who have welcomed us into their lives and homes so warmly that there are times when I feel the lonliness of solo parenting slip away. I’m creating a world that doesn’t require a romantic co-parent, but one that values and intertwines with positive families working hard and smart to raise the next generation of independent thinkers and doers.

God bless,
Jason

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Positive Parenting Challenge: Day Twelve

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. 

It’s always intense here. Whether it’s fun, difficult, loud, quiet, angry, sad, focused, scattered, adventurous, or laid back, we seem to swing the pendulum as far as it will go.

Today was a rainbow of intensity. Early ups with cousins, off to jiu-jitsu, good-byes to family, long hike with friends, fights over lunch and screen time, a high-stakes South Phillyopoly game, collaborative dinner prep, more screen time fighting, and a post-dinner movie of surprising weight: The Man Who Invented Christmas.

As the movie tells it, Charles Dickens was of two minds. A giving and tireless lover of children and a man darkened by his creations. I’m no Dickens, heck, I’m no Dan Stevens, who brought the historical figure into pained relief on the screen. But I saw the monster rise up in the man as it rises in me. Taunted by the things he could not overcome in himself, or would not directly face. I think my sons saw it as well.

Jekyll and Hyde, the Incredible Hulk, this story isn’t new. But putting Dickens at the center, surrounded by books and characters, and a story fighting to be written put it right in our laps. We’re writing this story and taking power away from the past, taking the pain away from it and making it hope. Using freedom from the past to write today’s story, to lift a burden, and to make the world better for it.

Thank God it’s gotten easier to self publish since 1843.

God bless,
Jason

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Positive Parenting Challenge: Day Eleven

The post holiday mellow was strong. My sons played with cousins and grandparents while my sister, brother-in-law, and I did some tidying. 

I did find time to take Amy McCready’s Parent Personality Assessment. After reading a few chapters of her book and watching my own behavior, I had guessed that I would turn out to be a controlling parent type with superiority tendencies. I have always questioned my habits and the way I go about my activities in an effort to find better ways to live every day. I’ve taken on this role for my children as well, always suggesting better ways to do things and criticizing their mistakes. I thought I was helping them improve, but now I see how obnoxious it is. Self-improvement is just that, it almost never comes from an external source. Certainly not a bossy, always right, external source capable of imposing consequences for all types of mistakes.

I’ve got a long road to hike on this one. Being a home educator, I take on too much responsibility for their growth as human beings. I forget that I’m there to facilitate learning, not teach every tiny lesson over and over.

God bless,

Jason

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Day Ten of My 10- and 30-Day Challenges: Thanksgiving

I gave myself ten days to be prepared to host my family for Thanksgiving. In the 24 hours before dinner, my sister and her husband were there with their sons to help with setup and entertain my boys. They were a Godsend and made the pre-celebration celebratory in its own right. As all of my guests showed up within a five-minute window, I went through my mental checklist and felt good about the work we had accomplished.

My sons are troupers when the stakes are high and today was no different. Playing with cousins and neighbors during the day and helping organize, and even create, desserts. We sat down after appetizers and my seven-year-old lead a simple grace. He was uncharacteristically nervous at the biggest table we had ever hosted. Before “digging in,” I was able to say a few words of thanks for having my family in my home, for having my sister’s family to help, and for all of the ways that this gathering would not have been possible without Mary. We still receive and re-receive gifts from her remarkable life, from a treasure of recipes tried and untried to a thousand lessons on how to host a party.

Unfortunately, I was not able to hold onto the thankfulness through the day. As more and more things fell into place and went smoothly, future tasks crept into my mind and I slipped away from being present in the moment. I resisted sneaking off to write the soccer emails that needed to go out; but my mind was there, wondering if I had already waited too long. I put the device away, but wondered who had responded to my morning messages. My thoughts were on the weekend, next week, my soccer future, my future relationships, and a hundred other unknowable things.

Typing this out in an exhausted state of mind helps bring me back. The sound of the tapping on the tablet is here and now. Another night brings another chance to close my eyes, sleep, and reset. Tomorrow can wait until tomorrow.

God bless,

Jason

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A Surprise Trio

Pork and kraut. Green lentil vegetable soup. Roasted beet salad. 

This Thanksgiving has already brought a series of surprises. Nine days ago I’m not sure whether I volunteered or was volunteered to host Thanksgiving. Either way, I’m excited to have my family for a big, grateful dinner in the house my late wife helped to make a welcoming home.

In an effort to clear the freezer before the onslaught of leftovers, I’ve been searching out every frozen item to heat up for recent dinners. The last one came out last night and my sons and I had pork and kraut, leftover from a good luck meal on New Year’s Day. Mary had prepared that meal and it struck us while eating that it was one more piece of her that would be gone before bedtime. It was hard. We all cried. We filled our bellies and went to bed without much discussion.

I was up early this morning to prepare for pre-Thanksgiving guests and plans to make a green lentil vegetable soup from Mary’s little pile of favorite recipes. I stumbled through and thought it strange that I didn’t remember ever having this dish. As I prepped the stock and tried to keep the printed recipe dry I noticed the date at the top. Mary had found this recipe only a week before getting sick. She’d be gone less than three weeks later. A smile came to my face. Not 12 hours after the last meal she left us, she left me something to make for friends and family on a chilly November day. She prepared me for these moments, prepared me to try new things and welcome new people to our table. The soup was a hit and, in true Mary fashion, it took me a while to stop running around and join my guests at the table.

Tomorrow comes Thanksgiving and the third unexpected food challenge from Mary: her Famous Roasted Beet Salad. I don’t have many food duties, but I’ve taken on the responsibility of one of my favorite salads of all time. It won’t be hers, it will be mine. As will the sole role of host.

Strengthened by hardships and envigorated by successes, I’m calm and resolved to make this Thanksgiving thoroughly special.

God bless, Jason

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Day Eight of My 30-Day Positive Parenting Challenge: Valley

Nearing total exhaustion. Familial pressures, homeschool programs, a friend in need, hours of driving, difficulty focusing on my parenting goals, Thanksgiving grocery shopping, outpouring of grief about mom, some of my own outpouring, and self pressure to create something positive out of all of it. Quite a day. 

It’s the kind of day you try to end as peacefully as possible, without doing any more harm. Dinner was rough, but bedtime is quiet and I’m able to sit here and claw out a couple lines. I can’t make sense of today now, but I’m looking forward to the rejuvenation that comes with exhausted sleep.

God bless,
Jason

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Day Seven of My 30-Day Positive Parenting Challenge: Solo Accomplishments

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. 

Started the day out listening to Amy McCready about her Calm Voice tool. I’ve tried this before with limited success, but look forward to posting some reminders in frequent trouble spots like the bathrooms and bedrooms.

It was so nice out that I decided to take my energy outside to prep firewood and the yard in case Thanksgiving Day’s weather is just as nice. That entailed a full morning of yard work, stocking wood, and very loud music in my ears.

As Thanksgiving is only a couple days away, I spent the afternoon figuring out how to fit 14 people for dinner. There is still a lot to do, but I’m feeling like it was worthwhile to take on the challenge of hosting T-Day for the first time.

I rounded out the day with a tough soccer match where we came away with a tie against a strong team and the division title. I think I’ll sleep well tonight.

God bless,
Jason

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Day Six of My 10- and 30-Day Challenges

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. 

My sons called me from Grandma’s! Just to chat and check in on me. Their mom used to do that regularly, but I can’t recall them ever taking the initiative. It was a happy little sign as I found the dining room table leaf I cut last year, measured for more makeshift table extension, and consolidated and tucked away the Halloween gear.

Today was more about my 10-Day Thanksgiving Host Challenge than practicing positive parenting, but I did listen to a some podcast episodes and tried a new audio book. I do not recommend the audio version of Charlotte Kasl’s If the Buddha Had Kids. I’m reading another of her books and enjoy her writing style, but the audio on this one is robotic and very difficult to follow.

I listened to Elizabeth Kay Dyer‘s podcast episode about how she became a widow on a homeschool journey; Debbie Reber’s Tilt Parenting podcast episode with Jeremy Schneider, author of Fatherhood in 40-Minute Snapshots; and took breaks from the positive parenting grind with Tom Woods, Office Hours with TK Coleman and Isaac Morehouse, and a great new band called Iggy T and the Crazymakers. And just by sending a shout out to the band, I was able to connect with the lead singer and find an important video to share about grief and pain:

God bless,
Jason

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Mindful Parenting for Dummies

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. 

On Day Five of my 30-Day Positive Parenting challenge I listened to Amy McCready discuss the setbacks that can occur while shifting to a more positive approach to parenting. Unfortunately, the first setback occurred on Day Four. Fatigue, intensity of strengthened emotional connections, first-snow fever, whatever it was, the blow ups came raging back for a few hours and, although each one blew over more quickly, it was an exhausting day.

I had gotten so excited about the strategies I was learning that I didn’t take time to relax and be mindful of why I was on this journey to be a better dad.

I’m still devoted to the challenge, but I’m prepared to pull back on the throttle. I’ve got a couple quiet days without my sons to give us all a little space and catch up on that 10-Day Thanksgiving Challenge!

God bless,
Jason