The healing journey of a widowed, unschooling badass in Delaware.
Beastie Boys, Rage Against the Machine, Citizen Cope, The Crow soundtrack, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Carolina Chocolate Drops have been blasting from my sons’ room.
We’ve been rearranging things and my 13-year-old discovered his mom’s CD stash a few days ago. Today I let him at the music I’ve been collecting for 30 years.
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
-Colossians 3:12
I am not always at the top of my game. Sometimes I don’t want to put on the uniform or gi because I feel weak or incapable.
The same applies to how I show myself to the world. I’m not an especially knowledgeable Christian and I have wild questions and ideas. For all my faults and mistakes, I make an effort to put on the clothes of a believer and live as God calls me .
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Keep yourselves in the love of God; wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And convince some, who doubt; save some, by snatching them out of the fire; on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.
-Jude 1:21-23 RSV
I am befuddled. The difference between the translations of Jude 1:22 are dramatic.
But this I do know, living in God’s love is the only way to be a source of harmony in the world.
I was short with my sons today. I was not fully living in God’s love.
Yet, we were productive and achieved much and now we are enjoying some puzzle time before bed.
Although I strive to live more compassionately, there is often a chance to repair mistakes.
His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much; enter into the joy of your master.’
-Matthew 25:23 RSV
I’m struggling with processing the last couple devotionals. Yesterday’s is still in draft form because I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
A week ago I restarted a morning practice of breathing, meditation, prayer, and quiet. I’m communicating directly with God as many of the mediation avenues we use are not giving me clarity.
I understand this to be a call to responsibility. In this season of my faith, I am taking responsibility for my relationship with God through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
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We found a beautiful, and potentially deadly, mushroom on our walk today. It may be a type of amanita.
I love watching Kristen experience nature. Mushrooms, insects, and spiders excite childlike responses and I wander off tracking woodpecker sounds while she records these tiny wonders.
Even the simplest trail offers unending discoveries. Slow down and take your time.
I get kicked out of the best places. Sometimes I insist upon it.
At a party in college, a friend got into a political argument with the hostess. It got hot and she demanded he read Noam Chomsky. None of us really knew shit, so he retorted with some garbage about New World Order kooks and, well, things got hotter.
She exiled him from her apartment, but I suppose I couldn’t be left out of the fun, so I got up and charged out in “solidarity.”
Although drinking and ego were the driving forces that night, I maintain a mindset that I don’t want to occupy spaces where my friends are unwelcome.
In another moment of synchronicity, I spotted this interview on one of my favorite podcasts while that story was on my mind.
Chomsky is an interesting and intelligent character. Lex Fridman is an excellent interviewer amd gives him plenty of room to speak during this episode.
Lex Fridman #316 – Noam Chomsky: Putin, Ukraine, China, and Nuclear War
Salmon begot Boaz, and Boaz begot Obed; Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David.
-Ruth 4:21-22
God works through the generations and we work today. It seems impossible. Both the past and future are unknowable and we can barely perceive our immediate reality.
Trust is the main action of faith. I trust that God has a plan. When I am living most presently is when I feel in line with that plan. Fighting against it or being distracted from the flow of the plan causes detachment and suffering.
Intention on the present needs constant renewal. Distractions are many and ego has devilish manner.
I spent time with friends in the woods today. We were present for each other as we each experience transitions in life.
Maybe it’s only been a week or two, but I’ve missed this connection with other parents. Renewal can come from many places. I am grateful to God for these present friends and their gifts of attention.
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It sucks. Energetic white belts wore me down and a black belt had me like a tiger with a ball of yarn tonight.
I can’t wait to do it again.
My younger son, Isaac, remains a moving target of satisfaction.
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It was a hot day at the Philadelphia Folk Festival, but we were all set up and there was little work to do. My sons are responsible enough to stay at camp or go their own way while I enjoy the music I want to see. I don’t compel them to do much. Still, with this freedom, and plenty of his favorite reading material, he was surly.
We headed out all together to see later afternoon music and between the five of us (three Zerbeys and my girlfriend and her daughter) it took a while to get to the desired stage. I was frustrated and pulled them into the next tent with music pouring out.
We sat down to check out Cat Ridgeway and the Tourists and I was immediately captured by the seven-piece band and Cat’s powerful vocals. They reeled me in with an inventive mash-up of Janis Joplin’s “Piece of my Heart” and Steve Miller Band’s “Space Cowboy.”
Isaac had been so cranky that I didn’t really check in woth him until the end of the set. He was genuinely enthusiastic, “Dad, that was my favorite artist so far.”
Cat was breaking down her gear and all was quiet around the area, “Buddy, she’ll love to hear that, go tell her.” He got shy, but I wasn’t having it. I tried to lead him by the hand back to the stage, but he resisted (and giggled). I picked him up clumsily and onlookers must have been confused. He toppled a couple folding chairs as I carried him to the stage, “This is Isaac and he wants to tell you something.” Isaac didn’t hesitate in saying, “I liked your music.” I said, “That is not what you told me, come on.” He reluctantly added, “You’re my favorite at the fest.”
Cat was appreciative and dug out a guitar pick for him.
She’s playing again on Sunday and we’re all excited for another set. Isaac has already scoped out the Cat Ridgeway shirt he wants to get signed and has higher hopes for the rest of the fest.
I’ll be sure to get pictures of that encounter to share here.
We kept it simple and played at a sandy creek spot today.