He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? -Micah 6:8 NKJV
The commentary on this devotional reads, “We act justly when we behave as Jesus did.”
That’s a high goal to set, but a loving and compassionate one that is worth reaching for.
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T.K. Coleman and Isaac Morehouse are the reason this blog is approaching one thousand posts. Although I have failed multiple times in the last few months at Coleman’s year-of-blogging challenge, the attempts have helped me find and grow internal and external connections.
In this conversation, Morehouse touches on all of the reasons I’ve been following him for years. He’s been a catalyzer for my learning lifestyle and an inspiration to start my own business. His aim to connect and help people aligns with my heart’s direction and I won’t wait to send him a Thank You as soon as I hit PUBLISH.
I don’t even know how long I’ve been lonely. I haven’t allowed myself to feel it most times.
This past weekend I took my sons to camp with home education friends. It was the type of gathering that Mary loved so much, with tons of food, fun, adventure, and laughter. I had her favorite camp chair, coffee mug, and the tent we decided to buy, but didn’t receive until after she passed away. Camping always brings out Mary stories and every campfire is like going home with her.
I’ve lived these four years without her as a prideful single dad. I’ve been setting up and breaking down camps with little adult help and I’ve felt strong. That’s changing as I see I have a romantic partner who I can lean on and trust with tasks I assumed were my responsibility. She wasn’t with me this weekend, but my friends were generous with their help. I’ve grown a better practice of accepting help, but I still felt weakness. As I drove home (on schedule, thanks to my friends), I was overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy. Triggered by wet tarps and sandy bike tires, it ran right down to not being the type of husband who could protect his wife’s life.
That’s one of the shittiest things about grief. It’ll take new feelings and tie them up with the past or some impossible present. I’m a better man than the one who lost Mary. What if I had been better for her? What would my life look like now? Then comes the guilt of not appreciating the wonderful people and things in my life now. Then none of it makes sense and I’m just crying behind the wheel of a 19-foot RV as I make my way to play soccer.
At least I know how this goes. I keep the truck on the road, let the tears do their thing, and feel a whole lot better, if a little drained.
I performed well in the game, but the emotional toll weakened me enough to bring on a nagging blueness complete with brain fog and body aches. The next day I learned that I had missed a dedication ceremony for Mary. The storm of emotions has held my recovery in slow motion. Three days later, this morning, I finally received the answer about my loneliness. I had been hiding from it. I didn’t want to admit that I was counting on anyone for anything. I’m now accepting my loneliness and being honest with myself about who I can lean on and who I cannot.
Some of it is clear and some not, but I needed to return to this space and start a new chapter of healing. That’s the greatest thing about the shittiest thing about grief: if you are lucky enough to turn the pain into healing, you will forever have a source of improved spiritual, mental, and physical health.
We didn’t start “formal” home education until K. I wish we hadn’t. Through a lot of fits, starts, and downright fights, I learned that children are the most natural learners. Schoolish assumptions tamp down our curiosity and mutate learning from playful discovery to grinding work and responsibility.
We slowly assessed and eliminated the internalized assumptions of our school training.
We went from schooling in our home, to an eclectic approach, and finally came home to radical unschooling. I don’t regret the length of our journey, but I hope to help others free themselves from the expectations of a system that cannot know how to serve the individual.
Daniel said: “Blessed be the name of God for ever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might. He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding; he reveals deep and mysterious things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him. To thee, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise, for thou hast given me wisdom and strength, and hast now made known to me what we asked of thee, for thou hast made known to us the king’s matter.” -Daniel 2:20-23 RSV
God had just given Daniel a vision in the night of the king’s recurring dreams and the insight to interpret them.
The king was at the brink of killing all his advisors for not knowing and understanding these dreams. Daniel had bought just enough time to receive this vision. It was a miracle that would save many lives.
The movie would play out with Daniel bursting out of his quarters, charging through the halls of the palace, and demanding to see the king, even as he was lying sleepless in his evening gown.
But Daniel responds to this life-saving vision with a prayer of gratitude.
Even when we have a healthy practice of gratitude, we can discover new opportunities to thank God. I am often blessed with answers to my questions and signposts on my journey. I resolve to be more like Daniel and pause in those moments to show appreciate to my Lord.
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I’m getting rid of some old t-shirts and they hold enough meaning for me to have survived a few moves and a couple decades.
In 1999, I got the chance to see Roger Waters at Hershey Park in Pennsylvania.
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I was never the biggest Pink Floyd fan, but Waters’s performance at the fallen Berlin Wall in 1990 was a huge deal in my house. That and The Wall motion picture were influential in developing my views on government, education, and power.
The show was outside, on the back side of Hersheypark Stadium, a somewhat hidden-in-plain-sight venue called Star Pavilion. I saw one of Bowie’s last shows there a few years later.
It was a long night with a ton of classic Pink Floyd tunes and an energy that I wasn’t expecting. I thought this was a crass sort of money grab of a tour, but it was a memorable show.
The coolest effect was when the speakers at the back of the venue were used to simulate an incoming helicopter. Everyone turned around and looked into the night sky, squinting for the black chopper that was clearly descending on us.
It was a long drive back to West Chester from Hershey, but my companion was about to leave for the Peace Corps and the amazing performance and time together fueled the journey.
This shirt is blessing me again as my girlfriend’s daughter in a big Floyd fan. An actually 23-year-old concert tee is a pretty cool thing to her. I’m excited to share these stories and this shirt with her.
Jesus then said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” -John 8:31-32 RSV
There’s no promise of truth in the present. The promise is of future truth and future freedom.
I find humility in these verses. I find myself listening to my neighbor instead of preaching to him.
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A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. -Proverbs 15:1 NIV
I don’t think I need to add to the wisdom of these words, but I do need to take them to heart.
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I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:14 NIV
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! -Psalm 139:23-24 RSV
I had my first psychedelic experience today. It revealed a world both fearful and wonderful. With a heart set in God’s love, I kept my intention aimed toward His wonderful works.
The experience was more intense than I expected and the temptation to fall into fearful thinking was great. Self-conciousness weighs heavily as I know this is a controversial subject. Yet, I only have to answer to God. He will judge if there is a wicked way in me. He will lead me in the way everlasting.
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