I’ve written plenty about my faith here.
But perhaps I haven’t written enough about how my wife and sons and I accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior twelve months ago. I was the last of us to see the light. Mary and my boys came to faith easily. I gave myself a harder road. But I never treated it lightly. I never used double punctuation. I never intended to insult the faithful, although I’m sure I did many times.
God has gifted me my whole life. I chose not to give full credit for a long time. I started to wake up when I met a girl far out of my league and fell in love. I’d been in love before, but this was sweeter, easier, more honest, closer to faith than I had ever been. Then we had our own little miracles: marriage, an unlikely career, children, and boats more love.
Even with the terrible inadequacy of the English word “love,” I don’t know a better way to describe what transformed me. Love expanded like the universe in all directions, with every hug, kiss, pot of coffee made, load of laundry done, smile, laugh, note left, gallery visited, trail hiked, fire stoked, mistake forgiven, dance, stripe earned, crisis averted, party executed, and on and on I saw love grow each day. The eternal was working in our lives and we were a part of it.
My wiring doesn’t allow me to learn lessons without some work. After Christmas 2016, I set myself to study the Bible and find out if faith in Jesus was right for me or if I was even capable of it. I joined a study group, started reading on my own, listened to commentaries, and openly and honestly discussed my trepidation in many internal conversations.
I joined that study group almost exactly one year before Mary first got sick. God knew I was a hard nut to crack; he gave me 38 years, but that last year with Mary in my life was the most important. Before I knew I had found that faith I was at Bible study and getting a little nervous that I’d soon be unmasked as a non-Christian (I’m not proud of concealing that, but I didn’t want my knowledge journey to be a focus). The group leader asked me, “As a Christian…” I don’t recall what the question was, but I had a small eruption inside of me, that feeling you have on a first date when you know you’re not getting a second date. Then it was gone. Jesus settled that storm and I answered the question. After months of working my brain, my heart let it happen.
I believe wholeheartedly in the Trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. A lot of it is hard to understand and I certainly don’t understand half of it. I haven’t and will not stop studying. I’ve known the Holy Ghost to be working in my life for a very long time. I worked through more than a couple belief systems to come to monotheism. The Son, Jesus Christ, was my stumbling block, I found him in scripture and now find Him the most accessible model and guide for my life. I know… “Monotheism AND the Trinity!” I am still asking questions and excited to engage in any honest debate.
As I look back on my first year as a Christian I see a soul that can now find peace in the most treacherous of times. I’m connected to the eternal and to the now. I’ve got a permanence in my life that was impossible without faith in God. I’ve got work to do here on Earth, but this is not where I will come to rest.
God bless,
Jason
