Tag: music

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Rock ‘N’ Roll With Me

David Bowie has been playing on life’s jukebox since the Labyrinth’s Fire Gang gave my eight-year-old self nightmares.

By high school I was hanging out with the drama kids, singing “Magic Dance.” I was also in Poetry Club writing my own versions of Nine Inch Nails’ songs, so when Bowie toured with NIN in ’95, I was there. “The Hearts Filthy Lesson,” had just hit MTV and it was intensely dark. I put on some sort of black t-shirt and made my way to a muddy hill in a Camden, NJ, amphitheater.

At 16, I had no appreciation for the moment or the performances. The hill had turned into a slip ‘n slide and I was goofing with the goths. Fortunately, I had my head in the right place for NIN and Bowie playing “Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)” together. That, I will never forget (nor the dirt-covered goth girl who pinned me down for a kiss at the bottom of a wicked slide).

I went on to see him at the Roseland in NYC (a show just for BowieNet subscribers), Moby’s Area2 festival (there was a cosplay Jared, but still no Labyrinth tunes performed), and the Tower Theater in Philly (the closing lyric, “Ziggy played guitar…” still holds on to my auditory nerve center).

Bowie had virtually quit touring when I met Mary. We were at Lollapalooza in Chicago when The Raconteurs revived a lackluster set by playing “It Ain’t Easy.”

I was mostly hands-off when it came to wedding plans, but I had a couple requests. One, that her dress show off her “shoulders and boobs” (direct quote). Two, that “Rock ‘N’ Roll With Me” be our song.

—

“Oh, when you rock and roll with me

There’s no one else I’d rather be

Nobody here can do it for me

When you rock and roll with me

When you rock and roll, when you rock and roll with me

No one else I’d rather, I’d rather be

Nobody here can do it for me

I’m in tears, I’m in tears

When you rock and roll with me”

—

For a marriage that involved so few tears, yet lead to so many, this song has come to mean almost too much.

Today I reflect on “Nobody here can do it for me.” I’ve learned the truth that self-love is a connection with the internal divine. There is an infinite engine of Love. I call it God. You can glimpse it in others, feel the radiance of it, but direct access is found only inside one’s own soul. Only once you’ve done that can you really share in the warmth of another’s love.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Embrace Your Freedom

In the weeks after Mary’s death I wrote about how music had lost its power over me.

I was living a robotic existence. It was too too risky to feel anything at all. I had intuitions about the importance of love, but I wasn’t ready to experience it.

The road trip we embarked on started with a weekend of music that would break me out of the armor I had built.

As Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band tore through “Lay Your Burden Down,” I had my son on my shoulders, my feet in the mud, and tears framing the smile on my face. Mary and I had danced in front of them on a special date weekend. All the emotions I hadn’t let myself feel poured forth. I let myself be free to feel.

Music touches me even deeper now. Everything does. Freedom means being able to explore further, especially within.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Solo Dadding at Mountain Jam

This one was intimidating. Assumptions had crept in as I planned and envisioned our spring and summer adventures. I expected to have more support, a co-parent, to teamwork on grand excursions. I thought things might be getting easier. After 16 months of having my parental assumptions repeatedly blown up one would think that I should be used to this; or better yet, that I would give up on assumptions and the future. But I can be a slow learner.

Cap the dissolving of expectations with waves of grief and a busy unschool schedule, and I wasn’t feeling up to the task of four nights of festival camping. Especially since this music festival, Mountain Jam in Bethel, New York, would feature bands that had significant ties to memories of my late wife, Mary.

Screw all that. I have slept in tents since I was an infant, attended day-long festivals since I was a preteen, survived the riots of Woodstock ’99, logged thousands of hours alone on the road with my sons, and honed my situational intuitions over those many hours. I set my back straight and climbed into our Dodge Caravan with confidence.

The road smoothed and eased before us. The trip was shorter than expected. Somewhat miraculously, an online friend spotted us as we drove by her camp site and hollered. The rain came down and the van got stuck in the mud, but, with help, we got the tent up and had ourselves set for the first night of music before sundown. We continued to find the right people at the right times. Friendly staff and volunteers, helpful young people, generous vendors, fun and engaging performers, and very special families made for easy going days and nights.

Above all, I was reminded of how good my sons are at this. They made friends, charmed adults, and carved their own unique experience out of the weekend’s offerings. For my own part, I simplified personal obligations and expectations, enjoyed as much music as I could consume, and let myself have a whole lot of fun. We stayed up late, danced and played recklessly, and took care of business when circumstances called for it.

I came away from the weekend with my shoulders back and my head high. Our story seems impossible, I saw that in many faces as I told it to new friends, but there is an immense power in mastering an impossible task. Or just in taking it on and failing, as I have many times.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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To My Goddess Nieces

I have five nieces. At least two of them have found me spontaneously crying this year. All of them have been present for me and my children during a most challenging and miraculous time.

When I met Mary she was already an aunt to these wonderful little girls. She was Aunt Mary.

Mary and these girls fueled a fire in me that had burned since I was ten years old, a desire to be a dad.

I wrestled and played silly games with the youngest and argued politics with the teenagers.

After my sons, they’ve become the closest connection I have with Mary in the world. Their memories and tributes to their aunt share much of what I remember and always bring new energy to fading images. Their youthfulness honors Mary’s and mirrors the attitude I have towards my journey.

I went to a concert with niece Emily this weekend. She’s 25, the same age I was when I met Aunt Mary. We talked about music and all the bands Mary and I had introduced her to, about how she copied all the music from my laptop one day and I gave her a speech about “unearned knowledge.”

Just before we met up, I was ambushed by the thought that Mary should be here for this, that it was flat out wrong that she wasn’t driving to D.C. with us to see Beats Antique. I wept and it still feels a little wrong. Mary and I were most connected when we listened to, danced to, and discussed music. From Patsy Cline and Cécile McLorin Salvant to T.Rex and Rage Against the Machine, I never knew anyone with musical tastes as broad as mine until I met Mary. Although…the nieces are getting there.

I discovered Beats early in 2012 and quickly shared the music with the nieces. In 2013, Emily lost her stepfather, my dear brother-in-law, Rich. That same week I talked Mary into backing Beats Antique’s Kickstarter campaign for their A Thousand Faces – Act 1 album. It’s a musical reinterpretation of Joseph Campbell’s “A Hero’s Journey.” In widowhood and single-parenthood I have cast myself as the hero of my own story.

I have been blessed and tested by many powerful goddesses on my journey. Mary still serves as a guide through my nieces. Each of them shows me pieces of Mary’s light and brightens my darkest paths.


Have a God blessed day,
Jason

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More Love

“Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven, so I got to be good.”
-Last Kiss, Wayne Cochran

No, that’s not the way I look at things, but I have found a lot of reasons to be better since I lost my baby. The most effective reason has been for myself. When I increase my effectiveness in the world, I can provide more for those I love most. It’s a driving passion for me to be the most positive force I can be in the world and multiply the love that Mary and I felt for each other. Focusing on positivity in my parenting and all other relationships has gone hand-in-hand with a personal mission of self discovery and self improvement. It’s driven me into great challenges and eye-opening revelations about how I can find and produce more love.

God bless,
Jason

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Day Seven of My 30-Day Positive Parenting Challenge: Solo Accomplishments

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. 

Started the day out listening to Amy McCready about her Calm Voice tool. I’ve tried this before with limited success, but look forward to posting some reminders in frequent trouble spots like the bathrooms and bedrooms.

It was so nice out that I decided to take my energy outside to prep firewood and the yard in case Thanksgiving Day’s weather is just as nice. That entailed a full morning of yard work, stocking wood, and very loud music in my ears.

As Thanksgiving is only a couple days away, I spent the afternoon figuring out how to fit 14 people for dinner. There is still a lot to do, but I’m feeling like it was worthwhile to take on the challenge of hosting T-Day for the first time.

I rounded out the day with a tough soccer match where we came away with a tie against a strong team and the division title. I think I’ll sleep well tonight.

God bless,
Jason

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WXPN Free at Noon

April 1, 2011: World Cafe Live at the Queen opens with a Free at Noon show from Sonny Landreth. Our second son was born a month later and had to wait a few months before he got to see Dengue Fever and Matthew Sweet in Wilmington.

Every Friday World Cafe Live hosts a free lunchtime concert. The next week’s act is announced immediately after each show and all you have to do to get on the list is register here.

These are full-on shows. They’re broadcast live and the artists are often on the rise, so the performances have that high-profile feel. Down on the big WCL stage it’s a lot more like Saturday night than midday Friday. The shows are shorter, they don’t run past 1:00 pm, but performers will often play a couple more songs after the broadcast has ended.

Matthew Sweet in 2011
VIP Balcony Seating

When WXPN was still in Wilmington, Mary would take a long lunch and join us. I think we took advantage of every Free at Noon down at 500 N. Market. A particular highlight was the Queen’s Fifth Anniversary Celebration with Ben Harper. Although I saw him at Woodstock ’99, Mary had a great collection of his music and I got to appreciate the variety and depth of his talent.

Ben Harper 2016: Photo credit unknown: c/o WXPN

Mary never joined us at a Philly show, but family often joined us at shows from JD McPherson, Lissie, Valerie June, The Ting Tings, and Calexico.

Getting that jambalaya at Reading Terminal Market after Lissie, 2016 
Warming up for Valerie June in 2017
Valerie June

#Protips for Families:

Ear Protection! In-ear or over-ear, these are shows are full volume. Also, folks will hassle you about taking care of your children’s ears. It gets on my nerves, but I try to take it as helpful.

Secret Spot! Doors open at 11:30 and the line often begins forming before that. Get there early and you can take advantage of our favorite “seats.” Head straight in along the bar, just past the last support column and before the stairs to the dance floor. There you’ll find the perfect spot to camp out and have a great view with natural boundaries.

And if the kiddos want to get on the dance floor, you’ve got a bird’s eye view of the whole place.

Have fun and God bless,
Jason

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Girl in the Thunderbolt Suit

I walked into Jupiter Records looking for Black Sabbath’s debut record for my vinyl-enthusiast niece’s birthday gift. Mary had vetoed the choice in the previous year. I get to call all the shots now, I thought.

It wasn’t meant to be. No Sabbath was to be found. But someone had unloaded a small collection of T.Rex albums into the New Arrivals bin.

Instead of defying my late wife I was taken back 11 years (almost to the day) to when we walked into the Virgin Megastore at Piccadilly Circus, London. We were in the unabashed, full-fledged touron mode of our honeymoon and had never been in a record shop with escalators. I was trying to be cool and found a Blind Lemon Jefferson album I thought was rare. I tracked down Mary to show off my find and she was holding a T.Rex double CD: Children of the Revolution. “Don’t we have a T.Rex album?” I said, “One’s probably enough.” My veto was vetoed. It was weeks before we were home and I actually gave it a listen. I wasn’t sold at first, but found myself moving every time one of the tunes played.

Now it brings me all of the joy of dancing with Mary. Sexy, high-energy, hippy-wiggle rock with just a hint of headbanging. And fun, damn good fun. She never had a thunderbolt suit; she didn’t need one, she was a thunderbolt.

God bless,
Jason

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Z3 Adventures: Fortify Music Festival

I’m not sure you’ve seen a sunset until you’ve seen it fall on these faces.

The Zerbeys grabbed the early-bird special, bypassed general parking, and went right for the VIP lot. We staked out a slice of shade (poor sun-trajectory calculations on my part, it didn’t last) with chairs and a patch of front row with a blanket. My sons were not feeling it and opening acts are rarely the most exciting. I was facing down a short festival day.

By the end of the first set I spotted and old friend and her son. With fingers crossed I introduced the boys and we set up a new little camp near the stage. Soraia got started and the boys went to look for trouble. After an entertaining, yet uninspired, series of Joan Jett and David Bowie covers, the band climbed into their real skin and killed with their own material. Drawn by the energy, my younger climbed onto my shoulders and whipped that beautiful hair like he was channeling his dad in ’96.

ZouZou Mansour of Soraia

As more families showed up, football tosses and a full on soccer match broke out care of the family of a member of Spokey Speaky (check out their site for free music).

We found more old friends and more new friends. Steal Your Peach, Montana Wildaxe, Joey DiTullio, and Kashmir all had solid sets.

Safe to say that Whole Lotta Gelata is our favorite food truck.
Montana Wildaxe
Joey DiTullio’s hair is almost as cool as…
…my son’s.

These boys are champs. Nine non-stop hours of action and we all got home and in bed without a fuss. We even made it to church and a proper soccer match the next morning!

This life is here for the living.

God bless,
Jason

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Northern Delaware Weekend Highlights September 28th-30th, 2018

On Friday night, 8:15 pm, Longwood Gardens will debut their latest Illuminated Fountain show, Be Our Guest, featuring themes from animated movie classics such as Aladdin, The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, and more. Timed tickets are required and members can enjoy extra savings at GardenShop, The Café, and 1906 as part of Member Appreciation Day.

At 2017’s Taste of Trolley, the Community Art Project was a big hit for this Elevated Studios student.

On Saturday, 1:00 – 5:00 pm, the 4th Taste of Trolley will see many of Trolley Square’s businesses open their doors and show off why this is such a popular Wilmington neighborhood. Beer, wine, and spirit tastings will be paired with small plates and many businesses will participate in the Retail Scavenger Hunt.

Saturday’s Fortify Music Festival at Fort DuPont in Delaware City, 1:00 – 9:00 pm will showcase local talent alongside major tribute acts playing the songs of The Police, Joan Jett, David Bowie, and Led Zepellin. Bands will include Montana Wildaxe, Kashmir, Steal Your Peach, Soraia, Nappy Riddem, Spokey Speaky, Joey DiTullio, and June Divided.

Taste_of_newark

With live music, celebrity chef demonstrations, and over 50 restaurants participating, Sunday’s Taste of Newark party proves to be a good time. 12:00 – 3:00 pm, Newark, Delaware.

God bless and have fun,
Jason