Single parenting. It still doesn’t feel right for me. We’re always having more fun, learning more, and being more positive when we’re around our friends. I’ve felt supported most by local parents. Whether they’re single moms, home educators, or those in more traditional educational and familial arrangements, families have formed the backbone of our new life.
There are a couple standouts. Families who have welcomed us into their lives and homes so warmly that there are times when I feel the lonliness of solo parenting slip away. I’m creating a world that doesn’t require a romantic co-parent, but one that values and intertwines with positive families working hard and smart to raise the next generation of independent thinkers and doers.
The post holiday mellow was strong. My sons played with cousins and grandparents while my sister, brother-in-law, and I did some tidying.
I did find time to take Amy McCready’s Parent Personality Assessment. After reading a few chapters of her book and watching my own behavior, I had guessed that I would turn out to be a controlling parent type with superiority tendencies. I have always questioned my habits and the way I go about my activities in an effort to find better ways to live every day. I’ve taken on this role for my children as well, always suggesting better ways to do things and criticizing their mistakes. I thought I was helping them improve, but now I see how obnoxious it is. Self-improvement is just that, it almost never comes from an external source. Certainly not a bossy, always right, external source capable of imposing consequences for all types of mistakes.
I’ve got a long road to hike on this one. Being a home educator, I take on too much responsibility for their growth as human beings. I forget that I’m there to facilitate learning, not teach every tiny lesson over and over.
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In my search for positive parenting resources I couldn’t resist listening to this minimalist approach to managing Lego from Dr. Denaye Barahona. To be sure, we are not minimalists when it comes to Lego. Our biggest projects bring us together and can demand a lot of bricks. However, I felt Dr. Barahona went too far in reducing modern Lego to being a “closed” toy too focused on licensed characters and predetermined builds.
You can hear her podcast episode here:
Our 2017 entry for the Kalmar Nyckel Lego Shipbuilding Contest
Only a few years ago I held a similar nostalgia for when Lego had a much smaller variety of elements and imagination was the key ingredient. I looked at a Lego banana and said, “What else could this be but a banana? How can this foster creativity?” It didn’t take long for me to see that banana put to use as a horn, smile, weapon (as all elements eventually find themselves in the hands of boys), mustache, lever, nose, tongue, or any number of curved objects.
The Friendliest Minotaur
My sons started playing with Lego at our local libraries. Big, unsorted piles and no instructions. They applied their imaginations with ease and learned to break down their builds after a couple hours. These habits served them well as loving family began to shower us with official sets during birthdays, Christmas, and all types of occasions.
I was wary of the licensed sets with built-in stories and characters. Again, it didn’t take long for my sons to twist, expand, and mash-up the characters and stories. My elder son became masterful at using our wide variety of minifigure parts to create his own heroes and villains or copy them from books and movies. He also recreates his favorite scenes while his younger brother builds endless assortments of wacky beasts and insane vehicles.
Sets rarely stay together for long. Sometimes following the instructions is just to check off a line item and the model is immediately disassembled to access new elements.
The 2018 SS Mary Zerbey Memorial Seasteader, built in honor of the wife and mother we lost weeks earlier.My son’s free build copy of the Haida Spirit Boat in the Copeland Maritime Center’s Watercraft of the World gallery.
Sorting starts at the model level. The larger the set, the more need there is to categorize the elements and place them roughly into piles. Sorting of larger collections does take parental guidance, but it is worth it when they can access the full breadth of the inventory to fuel their imaginations.
Our UnikittiesA collaborative train project by almost a dozen homeschoolers.
Dr. Barahona claims Lego has become a “closed” toy, to be built and displayed. I assert that this only occurs without a little creative encouragement.
However, I would concede that this is not a pursuit for the minimalist.
The question at 6:00 am: What to build?
God bless, Jason
p.s. – For his “Mind Body Soul Time” today my elder once again chose Lego building.
That was the response after my sons thoroughly enjoyed the one-on-one time I dedicated to each of them during the day, as suggested by Amy McCready. One chose 15 minutes of tinkering with old electronics in the morning and the other chose Lego building.
In the evening, my elder requested I read aloud some of his latest book club book, In the Footsteps of Crazy Horse, and my younger had me help him with a “poop” heavy ad lib story.
I could see that not only did each appreciate the focused interaction, but also respected when it was the other’s turn.
We’re working on alternative names for our particular sessions as “Mind Body Spirit Time” is “too hippy” for them. So far, I’ve had to veto “Poopy Time,” but I think we’re heading in the right direction.
Active learning; putting to mind and practice the basics of #jiujitsu || #ICANdoIt! || Learning, despite having general characteristics, always happens in the background in the context of one’s abilities, interests, down to the very moment itself. What is doable? What is solvable? Once we add our unique learning abilities, our educational experiences (settings) can encourage us to grasp ideas, acquire knowledge to retain and master. Or more generally, we may find activities that promote our curiosity. What can emerge, as we mature, is the ability for us to develop new capabilities. “Active learning is fundamental to the full development of human potential and that active learning occurs most effectively in settings that provide developmentally appropriate learning opportunities. Therefore the overarching goal of our early childhood work is to establish a flexible, ‘open framework…’ https://www.instagram.com/p/BpaSu6Ugdfm/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1wsrmwn1tae7o
From me: Yes!
What’s so beautiful about BJJ is that the learner only sees progress where it really counts, in the long term. There aren’t grades and check marks to be gained on a daily basis from external sources. There is an accumulation of skill that is nearly impossible to see from day to day. A progress that is real and comes from within, there’s no need to please a teacher or a test, the learner will KNOW when he or she is performing at a higher level than previously attained.
These sessions focused on specific challenges that will be faced by living on the Moon.
Session 4: Water on the Moon
The team tackled questions of finding ice then melting, transporting, filtering, storing, and using the water. Lots of ideas came forward and the team members were able to build their prototypes.
Crush, melt, scan, and pipeline to personal water storage.Vehicular transport of melted ice (I LOVE the colors).
Storage, transport, and filtration machines.
High-speed distillation during high-speed transport.
Then the team built and programmed two different machines using the Lego WeDo 2.0 system.
“Sweep”Modified build to automatically unload cargo from shuttle.
Watching them work together, exchange ideas, take turns, and have fun while bringing their creations to life is the most rewarding part of any session for me.
Session 5: Energy on the Moon
How will we get energy for our Moon Base? How will we store it? Use it?
The team had to work hard on their ideas and came up with some great builds.
Guest Coach Sadie brought her own fuel.
The team then built and programmed “Grab.” With each session the builds become more challenging and the team has to advance their assembling and coding skills.
“Grab”“Grab” modified into a crunching machine. In lieu of Moon ice, a minifigure is crushed.
This week we’ll be taking on more challenges involving life on the Moon and I look forward to sharing our solutions.
That is the look of a boy who did not look before he leapt.
Tentatively, “Uh…Dad?” My heart was in the process of slowing as I had turned away from my mountain goat of a son jumping over crevices as if hundreds of feet of rocky death were not waiting below. Now that heart stopped. If he was being cautious I imagined he was now hanging from an outcropping, not sure how to recover. Fortunately, he was just trying to get back the way he came and his change in perspective showed him just how high we were.
I counted it as a free-range-parenting win (child alive, unscathed!, learning his limits) and helped him back across to our snacky lunch and our other impending disaster.
See the boot on my older’s right foot? Yeah, no lace. See the sole between the raisins and graham crackers? Yeah, not on the boot.
We weren’t halfway through a 2.5-mile hike when the sole began to separate from the boot. Turn back to possibly never see Coopers Rock State Forest‘s Raven Rock? Carry him when the boot inevitably failed? Or go pirate MacGyver and carry on?
Not the first attempt, one of my laces and a backpack drawstring.
They don’t come tougher or more determined than my sons. As each rig failed he stopped and followed my directions as I asked him to sit, stand, hold onto me, let go, etc., etc…
Fourth or fifth configuration.
They both inspired me as they took the slow pace in stride and we discovered a lot along the way.
Red eft stage (terrestrial) of the Red-spotted Newt. Identification care of Delaware Nature Society’s Jim White.A snake, self-identified (by me, not the snake).Mountain magnolias often brightened our path.Lots of sole support, looking like we have a winner.
We’re moving along, rain is coming down, and he tests each rig by dancing, walking backwards, and spinning at every opportunity.
And then…
Yep, the other sole gets loose and I trade another lace. I figure I’ll be carrying him pretty soon as our extended time on the trail put us closer to a forecasted storm. Nope, we all trudged on and finished an estimated 90-minute hike in just under four hours. It was remarkable and we all knew it. The patience and determination they showed on that trail gave them a confidence that no pep talk could.
“Dad, did we leave North America?”
It was a hearty lunch of baked beans, mac and cheese, and hot dogs for all of us. But the day was not done, there were hours of sunlight left and a world to explore. What to do next?
That’s right, an hour of Brazilian jiu-jitsu at Team Junqueira Cheat Lake, West Virginia, with some great competitors to wind down.
Super Fight
It’s insane. There’s no other word. We hit a museum, arboretum, and new campground the next day. I look forward to telling all the stories.
Guiding a learning lifestyle with young children is chasing a moving target. Interests can grow or wane daily or by the hour. I’ve learned to listen and observe with intention, to know my sons as well as I can and feed their fickle hungers. However, there is one discipline that has consistently grabbed their attention week after week for more than three years.
Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) has become foundational to our home education lifestyle. They attend classes up to six times a week and we have all acquired important knowledge from Elevated Studios co-owner, Stephen Plyler. After watching and attending several BJJ tournaments, my sons are competing in their first at the Tap Cancer Out 2018 Philly BJJ Open.
As many families, we have suffered painful damage from the diverse effects of cancer. This organization targets childhood cancer research in an effort to protect our most vulnerable sons and daughters. My boys are raising funds and training hard.
I don’t think they could be better prepared for this competition. After visiting half a dozen other schools, I am confident that Elevated is the highest quality training I could find for my sons. Stephen is honest, encouraging, fun, focused, determined, and competitive. He’s been a role model of the utmost caliber for all of his students. We’re all really excited and proud to represent his school in this tournament.
Most of these performances are also open to the public with a required RSVP to (and subsequent confirmation from) INFO@DELSHAKES.ORG.
This special tour has given me the opportunity to take my sons inside a senior center and homeless resource center to experience Shakespeare alongside men and women in a much different place in life. It has been one of the many blessings of our home education lifestyle. Different from volunteering or donating, here we sit together as an audience, sharing a couple hours of laughs, gasps, and a few tears. Before and after each performance is the opportunity to mingle with the actors and attendees, to be a part of the community.
This year, a twenty-minute discussion will be facilitated after each performance to discuss the modern implications of the themes of The Merchant of Venice. There’s even a cheat sheet to get caught up on the controversies surrounding this play and prepare for the discussion.
For our part, I’ve prepped my sons with the outline of the story using some interesting resources. The Merchant of Venice graphic novel by Gareth Hinds offers modernized language without being crass and covers much of the plot. The Thug Notes summary of the play is hilarious, but not necessarily safe for children. He gives the skeleton of the plot and wraps up with a discussion of some of the themes. It’s worthwhile if you need a quick catch-up.
The tour begins tonight and I strongly suggest purchasing tickets to one of the Studio Performances at OperaDelaware on November 17th, 8:00 pm, and November 18th, 2:00 pm, to help support this effort.
Wednesday 10/24 at 6pm Ministry of Caring/Sacred Heart Village (Wilmington)
Thursday 10/25 at 6pm University of Delaware hosted by the Jewish Studies Program (Newark)
Friday 10/26 at 7:00pm Christina Cultural Arts Center (Wilmington)
Wednesday 10/31 at 4pm First State Community Action Agency (Georgetown)
Thursday 11/1 at 7:00pm Siegel JCC (Wilmington)
Saturday 11/3 at 7pm CAMP Rehoboth (Rehoboth Beach)
Sunday 11/4 at 2pm Route 9 Library & Innovation Center (New Castle)
Wednesday 11/7 at 6pm Delaware Center for Homeless Veterans (Wilmington)
Thursday 11/8 at 5:30pm Groves Adult High School – Red Clay (Stanton)
Friday 11/9 at 6pm Latin American Community Center (Wilmington)
Sunday 11/11 at 2pm Dover Public Library (Dover)
Tuesday 11/13 at 5:30pm Group performance for Georgetown-area substance abuse treatment facilities (Georgetown Public Library)
Wednesday 11/14 at 6pm Polytech Adult High School (Woodside)
Friday 11/16 at 2pm Delaware Psychiatric Center (Wilmington)
NOT OPEN TO THE PUBLIC: Baylor Women’s Correctional Institution, Howard R. Young Correctional Institution, Sussex Correctional Institution
My boys have found their own roads to success every time I’ve gotten out of the way. My job is to litter the sides of the road with resources for easy access. Make things available and voluntary and children will be excited and learning just by digging through what you’ve left them.
I struggle with screen time, but Teach Your Monster to Read is an online reading game that my younger really took to. There’s no app, but it’s free and he could play it on his own early in his reading development.
I fought (literally, yelling) with my older to read things I knew he could. I panicked that I was killing his love for stories and words and I backed off big time. I still read aloud, went to story time, and played lots of audio books in the car, but I stopped “teaching” completely. Within months he (and his younger brother!) was picking up books beyond what I would have introduced.
