Tag: Z3 Adventures

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Rock ‘N’ Roll With Me

David Bowie has been playing on life’s jukebox since the Labyrinth’s Fire Gang gave my eight-year-old self nightmares.

By high school I was hanging out with the drama kids, singing “Magic Dance.” I was also in Poetry Club writing my own versions of Nine Inch Nails’ songs, so when Bowie toured with NIN in ’95, I was there. “The Hearts Filthy Lesson,” had just hit MTV and it was intensely dark. I put on some sort of black t-shirt and made my way to a muddy hill in a Camden, NJ, amphitheater.

At 16, I had no appreciation for the moment or the performances. The hill had turned into a slip ‘n slide and I was goofing with the goths. Fortunately, I had my head in the right place for NIN and Bowie playing “Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)” together. That, I will never forget (nor the dirt-covered goth girl who pinned me down for a kiss at the bottom of a wicked slide).

I went on to see him at the Roseland in NYC (a show just for BowieNet subscribers), Moby’s Area2 festival (there was a cosplay Jared, but still no Labyrinth tunes performed), and the Tower Theater in Philly (the closing lyric, “Ziggy played guitar…” still holds on to my auditory nerve center).

Bowie had virtually quit touring when I met Mary. We were at Lollapalooza in Chicago when The Raconteurs revived a lackluster set by playing “It Ain’t Easy.”

I was mostly hands-off when it came to wedding plans, but I had a couple requests. One, that her dress show off her “shoulders and boobs” (direct quote). Two, that “Rock ‘N’ Roll With Me” be our song.

—

“Oh, when you rock and roll with me

There’s no one else I’d rather be

Nobody here can do it for me

When you rock and roll with me

When you rock and roll, when you rock and roll with me

No one else I’d rather, I’d rather be

Nobody here can do it for me

I’m in tears, I’m in tears

When you rock and roll with me”

—

For a marriage that involved so few tears, yet lead to so many, this song has come to mean almost too much.

Today I reflect on “Nobody here can do it for me.” I’ve learned the truth that self-love is a connection with the internal divine. There is an infinite engine of Love. I call it God. You can glimpse it in others, feel the radiance of it, but direct access is found only inside one’s own soul. Only once you’ve done that can you really share in the warmth of another’s love.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Listen to the Impossible Story

Pull that crystal handle back on your time machine and go all the way back to 12 January, 2018. Go and tell me I’d lose my wife within a month and that before the end of spring I’d be in her parent’s RV guiding my sons on a journey I’d never imagined.

My reaction? Impossible. Mary’s healthier than I am and, God forbid, if I lose her I will be lost. I had considered my own death. I had considered the loss of a son, or two. I had imagined how treacherous the lives of those left behind would be, but I leaned on Mary so hard that I never had the courage to imagine life without her. She was my miracle, she brought me to Christ just by walking like him. She didn’t know a darn thing about soccer and made me a better player, turned me into a coach. She humbled me. She showed me what love could do.

Impossible. All of it. You could go back 13 years and tell me all of this. I would not have listened.

I’m glad you didn’t warn me. I’m blessed our tragedy came down the tracks over six days. I didn’t think about impossible: I prayed for a miracle while planning for the likely. Everything was possible in that moment Mary went to Heaven. I was a super hero. She gave me that magic space ring, that radioactive spider bite, that tragedy that turned Frank Castle into The Punisher. Okay, bad example…kinda. I am more keenly aware of my mortality than ever. This present is the only present I have to make the world better, or worse.

So, let’s make it better I say to myself. The first way to make the world better is by making yourself better (I often ignore this primary fact). The second way is to make your family and friends better (hard to do if #1 isn’t in order). The third way is to help those in your community, physically close to you, but strangers nonetheless.

I had internalized the hero’s journey. From comics to Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung to the Star Wars trilogy, I bought into it so much that I committed to taking my sons on a road trip adventure before Mary had taken her final breath. It was that thing that happens to us. Not internal, but received. The type of inspiration that told me there was something out there, that my work and my thinking and my mind were not enough on their own, that the work that must be done is opening oneself up to receive the message. That takes more effort and patience than you may think. Your desires and fears will cloud the message and pretend to be the message. Again and again I have found that praying to hear clearly is to ask for the greatest blessing. The more I listen to people; not their declarations, but their stories, the more I love people.

Impossible. We put this barrier before understanding at inconvenient junctures. But how many impossible stories have you heard? Or lived? Impossible isn’t a dream, it’s a mystery we haven’t explored.

God bless,

Jason

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Solo Dadding at Mountain Jam

This one was intimidating. Assumptions had crept in as I planned and envisioned our spring and summer adventures. I expected to have more support, a co-parent, to teamwork on grand excursions. I thought things might be getting easier. After 16 months of having my parental assumptions repeatedly blown up one would think that I should be used to this; or better yet, that I would give up on assumptions and the future. But I can be a slow learner.

Cap the dissolving of expectations with waves of grief and a busy unschool schedule, and I wasn’t feeling up to the task of four nights of festival camping. Especially since this music festival, Mountain Jam in Bethel, New York, would feature bands that had significant ties to memories of my late wife, Mary.

Screw all that. I have slept in tents since I was an infant, attended day-long festivals since I was a preteen, survived the riots of Woodstock ’99, logged thousands of hours alone on the road with my sons, and honed my situational intuitions over those many hours. I set my back straight and climbed into our Dodge Caravan with confidence.

The road smoothed and eased before us. The trip was shorter than expected. Somewhat miraculously, an online friend spotted us as we drove by her camp site and hollered. The rain came down and the van got stuck in the mud, but, with help, we got the tent up and had ourselves set for the first night of music before sundown. We continued to find the right people at the right times. Friendly staff and volunteers, helpful young people, generous vendors, fun and engaging performers, and very special families made for easy going days and nights.

Above all, I was reminded of how good my sons are at this. They made friends, charmed adults, and carved their own unique experience out of the weekend’s offerings. For my own part, I simplified personal obligations and expectations, enjoyed as much music as I could consume, and let myself have a whole lot of fun. We stayed up late, danced and played recklessly, and took care of business when circumstances called for it.

I came away from the weekend with my shoulders back and my head high. Our story seems impossible, I saw that in many faces as I told it to new friends, but there is an immense power in mastering an impossible task. Or just in taking it on and failing, as I have many times.

God bless and thank you for reading,

Jason

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Bold Healing

“You know, I think this just might be the best summer eva.”

This declaration of a widower to motherless children may seem ludicrous. Maybe I have more confidence and chutzpah than I have any right to, but my ten-year-old responded with an easy, “Yeah, Dad, I agree.”

Summer’s not even here, yet we’re between road trips, on our way to a four-day music festival, and getting ready for my sons to appear in two Shakespeare productions, a jiu-jitsu tournament or two, and innumerable Delaware events.

I’ve been asked how I do all that I do with my sons. My first thought is that they’re not mine. They’re beautiful individuals who are stuck with me as their caregiver for a time. I feel a responsibility to not just prepare them for the world, but to launch them on mini quests into it. It is eternally challenging, frustrating, exhausting, and fulfilling. Their ability to navigate difficult situations rivals most adults I observe. They’ve had a crash course in unfairness, yet know they can make this world better by exploring and mastering it.

So, yeah, I think we’re looking ahead to the best summer eva.

God bless,

Jason

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This Is Why

Sometimes I ask myself why God took my wife to join him after her 47 years on Earth.

I find answers every day. Today it’s this image. A camper van with three seats. My sons and I will once again fill these seats and embark on an adventure into new territories. 

There isn’t room for anyone else on our path right now. I know, if only for today, that’s why we’re a family of three.

God bless,

Jason

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Upcoming Lego Building Events

My sons and I are super excited as we’re heading to Detroit to support State Championship LOAD Robotics representing Delaware at the Lego FIRST Championship. LOAD is a rookie, all-home-educated team that fought hard in regional and state competitions to earn their place in Detroit. As friends and fellow Lego Maniacs, we are so proud of their accomplishments and hope you consider supporting their fundraising efforts. Without the backing of a school or robotics club, they face additional challenges in funding their registration, travel, and accommodations.

Locally, there are always opportunities to get children (and some adults) in front of a pile of bricks.

The Rachel Kohl Community Library, in Glen Mills, PA, has it’s next Lego Club on Friday, April 19th.

You’ll often find us at Brandywine Hundred Library on Mondays, 3:00-5:00 PM, for their Lego Lounge program. Themes are provided with learning resources, but free building is also encouraged. A relaxed, drop-in atmosphere always produces fun creations.

Hockessin Public Library’s long-running Tuesday Lego Club is where my sons first got a taste for the colorful bricks. From 4:30 to 5:30 PM it’s all about exploring one’s imagination with lots and lots of pieces.

On Wednesdays, head over to Claymont Public Library for their Lego Club, 3:30-4:30 PM. The facilitators are enthusiastic and there are always surprises.

On Friday, May 3rd, at Brandywine Hundred Library there will be a Lego Storytime for ages 3 and up from 10:30-11:15 AM.

Route 9 Library & Innovation Center’s Lego Club happens the first Monday of each month, 6:30-7:30 PM.

My son might be more excited about May the 4th Be With You than his own birthday.
At all Lego​ Stores:

Tantive Make and Take
May 3-6: Come in to your local LEGO Store to build your very own Tantive model then take it home, for free! Registration is on a first come, first served basis and quantities are limited. Registration begins April 15 in stores only. The building event is intended for ages 6+ at store discretion.

Bear Public Library will hold their Lego Club on Saturday, May 18th, 2:00-4:00 PM.

Join Appoquinimink Public Library on the third Tuesday of the month for LEGO construction challenges and free play with LEGO blocks of all shapes and sizes. Next meet: May 21, 6:30-7:30 PM, registration opens April 23rd.

God bless and keep building,
Jason

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Curate Your Community

We are surrounded by impressive people who bring brilliance, strength, fun, compassion, beauty, bravery, passion, challenge, faith, joy, and love into our world. We gravitate towards excellence and engage it whenever possible. It’s no accident. After 12 hours of adventure in Philadelphia with home-educating families, Brazilian jiu-jitsu bad-asses, an FBI agent, and a couple librarians, I remembered why we frequently pause our adventures to connect with so many people.

I didn’t know it would lead to a holistic learning lifestyle when I first watched my sons asking museum security about a painting. I didn’t know chatting with a martial arts school at a crowded event about their summer camps would blossom into the most consistent component of our learning environment. I didn’t know small talking with homeschooling and unschooling moms would build a support structure that has buoyed us in hard times and created opportunities we would have otherwise missed.

I’ve learned that opportunity is everywhere and it is almost always locked away in a human who can’t wait to reveal it to you. I’ve learned that human connection is the key. Not just to experiences and knowledge, but to deeper understanding of God and the world around us. “Oneness” doesn’t mean we’re all the same, it means there are threads that join each of us together, one at a time. When we are open enough to see these threads and wrap our hands around them, we find something new in ourselves.

Each individual you meaningfully relate with becomes part of your community. Get into the habit of just chatting with people and soon you will find that you have an amazing world opening up around you.

Have a God blessed day,
Jason

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Goodbye, Plan A

Over the last 24 hours virtually every planned activity was cancelled or changed. Most Plan B’s bit the dust as well. I finger-pointed, fussed, and generally acted like Fate’s victim, for a while.

Last night we ended up in Bellevue State Park for a full moon hike that cleared our heads and lead to easy sleep. Today, Delaware snow and unforeseen confusions wiped out all our plans, but we ended up on top of a hill in Brandywine Creek State Park for a short afternoon of sledding before the rain came.

Two of those sleds were rescued from the trash; the tube was given to us by a friendly family we camped next to in Asheville, North Carolina; one hat came from Aunt Ann; another from Cousin Marley; and my niece is wearing my late wife’s snow pants. One picture tells the messy story of hand-me-downs, gifts, and adventures that compose our big, beautiful life.


It’s hard to be grateful when things don’t seem to be going your way. I fought off my confusion today to see more clearly, to understand that things are going to work out, to know that I’ve come pretty far from where I was.

God bless,
Jason

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In A Formal Garden

We visited the Marian Coffin-designed Gibraltar Gardens in Wilmington, Delaware, yesterday to enjoy a warm February day and have a relaxing stroll.

What happened was a game of “Non-Ball,” a concoction of wrestling, football, and war games that required nothing but a couple of brothers pounding each other into the neatly manicured lawn. They also climbed the stone wall at the end of the garden and encouraged passing traffic to wave and honk.

I wonder how many rush hour commuters were shocked to see boys on top of a wall over a sidewalk, seemingly unsupervised.

This morning I happened upon an article about the damage done to boys by insisting they not act like boys. Even as a physically active, nature-loving, hero’s-journey-following male I can be overwhelmed by their energy. It is hard to remember that they need to explore their worlds on their terms. Those worlds include the physical and emotional, solo and relational, mental and spritual.

God bless,

Jason

https://www.intellectualtakeout.org/article/boys-are-growing-frustrated-living-feminized-society-and-thats-showing-their-friendships?fbclid=IwAR1BTdaViTj6O890a1u8aCNo2vqMYoVtNHAzsNlcs1_ZpWUiawNsTQwD6hY

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Road Trip Exhaustion

As we wrap up another adventure I’m feeling worn right down, but oh so blessed. We’ve found traveling companions who go as hard as we do and can smile as they roll with the punches. We giggle and play, hike and seek, and somehow survive the new dynamic of six in a vehicle instead of the road-tested Zerbey Three.

We even squeezed in a two-hour ecology tour before an eight-hour excursion today. The learning lifestyle takes us many places and follows us where we least expect.

God bless,
Jason