I embraced a psychological death this week. More than two months after the physical death of my wife I am coming to the realization that I have to rebuild part of my mind.
I listen to Jordan Peterson a lot (and you should too) and grew into maturity listening to and reading Joseph Campbell. I never thought the Hero’s Journey would apply to me, but to quote Peterson, “Wrong!” Here I am, in the dark wood, dragons all about, and a village to save. It’s scary and I tried to deny the task that God has set before me. A sulfurous beast gave me no choice in the form of a combined birthday party for my boys. It almost took me out to do this without Mary. It killed part of me and I feel a little more peace for it being gone. The emptiness isn’t so much an impassable black hole any longer, but a blank page I have to fill.
Blank pages to fill can be scary too. But more dragons must be slayed and I have been inspired to spill a lot of ink in the process. I have a thousand wells of inspiration, but one very important source came in the form of a TEDxWilmington talk that happened as I girded myself to receive guests and facilitate the celebration. After surviving the party I was able to catch a replay of Alessandra Nicole‘s presentation. I knew it was about letter writing and included an image of the boys, so we sat down to watch together. I had no idea that it would feature our story, that I was watching it at the most perfect time, nor that it would light my way farther into that dark wood.
I wrote two quick letters the next morning, one with the help and guidance of my younger son. These are small markers of my rebuilding; clearing of rubble, choosing of materials, drafting of plans, inspecting of still-standing structures and foundations, slaying of dragons. I can’t put it back together, I’m going to build something new page by page and brick by brick.
God bless,
Jason