I’m discovering more and more that single parenting doesn’t just need “support” in the most commonly understood ways. Yes, childcare, carpooling, play dates, overnights, and the simple presence of our family and home-educating friends are all necessities when it comes to providing my children the most rewarding life possible without a mother.
Even so, there is another need. One that is seemingly so specific that I cannot fully identify it. “Mother figure” isn’t right, it’s superficial. This need is complex, deep, and a scary place to go. It demands trust and openness, listening and understanding, and a willingness to give and receive without fear. It sounds like marriage, but for me it is a friendship with a single mom and her children. A woman who understands loss and children who are just as sweet and rough as my sons.
Maybe that is the key. Mary wasn’t simply a person who provided things we needed, she was a significant portion of our world. A part that cannot be replaced by another person, nor a community, no matter how giving they are. She was a part of our world that is gone and, as we build a new reality, we need big pieces. Not just new relationships, but new sets of relationships, creating new networks and dynamics that support and challenge at the same time. Helpers in need of help.
Playing house. How often do young boys and girls naturally fall into this game? The storytelling, negotiations, and little dramas are innocent, but don’t they point to a need in all of us? Not long ago I would have assumed that need was of a traditional family. Now that option is gone and I see that, although close relationships are critical, they can come in surprising forms and provide in amazing ways.
God bless,
Jasonpositive