I’ve been trying to attack some of the piles of books, journals, files, notebooks, and pictures that have not needed immediate attention.
Going through some of Mary’s things is intense. Whenever she was really upset with me she would write it down before coming to me with it. It provided a pressure release and also a reminder that there was something that needed to be addressed, even after the storm of emotion passed.
Some of those notes are tough. Stress, drinking, a desperation to be more positive parents: I regret not working harder on solving these conflicts that infrequently, yet regularly, arose.
More of the notes are sweet: meeting my family the day we “officially became boyfriend & girlfriend,” “I Love You,” “Sweet Dreams!”
There was one surprise of an email I had copied her on to the men in the Bible study I had been attending. She had printed it out and it was in a prominent place in one of her notebooks. It was a brief summary of my journey to becoming Christian. I don’t know why she kept that one close. Maybe it was a sign for her that I was taking self-improvement seriously. Maybe it represented a hope that we would work through obstacles that seemed impenetrable.
We only had five more months together.
Here’s that letter:
Gentlemen,
I shared some news at a recent meeting and realized that I wanted to share it with the whole group. To get to the chase: my wife, two boys, and I are getting baptized and accepted into membership at Aldersgate during Sunday’s Rally Day combined service. We’re very excited and hope you can join us in the celebration.
Six years ago I decided to leave my job and come home to take care of my boys. I expected to say, “It wasn’t an easy decision…” when explaining the change to family and friends, but that feeling didn’t last. I immediately saw God working in my life. My wife, Mary, and I had been looking for a church to attend, but it didn’t become a spiritual journey for me until I sunk myself into trying to take care of these little humans. And then I did get a bit lost in the day-to-day of childcare and then homeschooling. We found a great place in Aldersgate about a year-and-a-half ago. We started talking about membership and baptism and what all that meant. I realized that I had been trying to listen to God, but I hadn’t been spending much time with his Word. I can’t thank Dave Harrington enough for inviting me to this group. I was so keenly aware of not being baptized and not being a member that I wasn’t sure I belonged, but the timing couldn’t be denied. God was handing me this opportunity and I’d be worse than fool to turn it down.
Not only have the meetings become an important part of our life (my boys are present for almost everything else I do, I think they revere these meetings as some sort of secret club and can’t wait to hear about them). And I am spending a lot more time thinking, reading, and listening to and about scripture.
I most want to thank David DiGiacoma for leading the group. He’s created a welcoming, informative, and serious discussion space for us to get together and share the Word. I may not have had a “born again” moment, but I was unsure of myself until during a meeting David turned to me and asked, “As a Christian…” I had a nervous flash of thought, “Oops, I’m found out, not a Christian, have to share that now.” But after the flash was just calm and I answered the question honestly. I don’t know when I came around to accepting Jesus as my savior, but I do know I became aware of it in that moment.
I think that’s the shortest version I can come up with. And I want to thank you all for making it a great group that I really look forward to joining each week.
Hope to see you Sunday!
-Jason