Tonight I’m going to my first concert without my sons since my wife passed away. I’m feeling strangely ambivalent and wonder if I’m so worn out from emotional purges that I don’t have much left in the tank.
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Or maybe it’s the calm. Having recently gone through some seismic psychological shifts, I’m feeling ready for a new chapter. While moving piles around I found Get Well cards that Mary never got to read, funeral home to-dos I’ve yet to do, and the looming stack of condolences that might demand my attention. But none of it controls me today. It’s just stuff.
Among the stuff I also found a Time Out Chicago from when Mary and I went to Lollapalooza in 2008. A quiet sign and reminder of how much music meant to us individually and as a couple. An unbroken thread stretching back through my memories to well before I met Mary. One that continues on with my sons and on for me as I find my new way in the world.
God bless,
Jason