The exponential growth of awareness of my own ignorance in relationship to my meager learning, that’s what I’m up against. Not in a broad manner, I’ve come to love this fact of learning, but in the personal realm.
I’ve been exposed to this idea that we’re each a node in a network of humans with an interconnectivity that has reach beyond what we can conceptualize. The Self doesn’t exist outside of this ever transitioning network. Even the Self seems to exist within it’s own network within our minds. Ego, Super Ego, and Id are a simplification of the uncountable concepts of Self that we absorb, create, and receive.
How much Will do I have? What’s in my control? What do I KNOW?
Scary and empowering knowledge, to be sure.
I’ve learned one thing about my Self that is, at least for the moment, definitively true. I know exactly how to self destruct. Through exploring powerlessness in Alcoholics Anonymous, counseling, prayer, and reading, I’ve found my power over alcohol. It’s a black magic, one that would be easier to deny and hide from. I didn’t want to admit that I had this power to destroy myself and drag down a whole network of humans with me. So many messages tell me to claim powerlessness, but that’s not how power works. It will manifest, whether through intention or in spite of inaction.
How do I employ black magic for good? I don’t know. Maybe by sharing this knowledge that the self destruct button within us need not be denied I can help someone else.
Take a look at your self destruct button. Get to know it and recognize the awful power that each of us possess.
God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason