I’m growing more comfortable with being a single parent. The RV we borrow for many of our adventures only has three seats and our boy-centric life is a lot of fun.
It’s allowed me to more patiently evaluate what I miss about having a partner. Not necessarily the things I miss about Mary, but the one-on-one exchanges with an intimate partner.
I’ve learned that physical closeness holds more meaning in my heart than I realized. Not for its own sake, but as an expression, exploration, and expansion of love and compassion. “Casual” isn’t in my vocabulary of physical intimacy. I still crave physical connection, but now know better the significance it holds for me.
More difficult is not having someone with whom to process the day’s happenings. Adventures and struggles with my sons, soccer wins and losses, or the podcasts I consumed while doing dishes and laundry, they’re all sitting inside me at the end of the day. I do have a couple very special friends I talk with on occasion. I find we can unwind problems that seem to solve themselves just through verbalizing them. I miss that dearly as a daily practice.
Writing has lightened my mental load, problems often find their own solutions and the process can be as bold and freeing as a good conversation. But it is not the same as going on a verbal expedition with someone you care about and who cares about you. That is special and, at least for me, necessary.
God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason
Jason, I so know these missings. I find hugging people, holding my kiddos and squishing them until giggles come, talking with friends, and sometimes writing helps.
I don’t pretend to understand this journey, but suppose one day, we will be more at peace with it.
Grateful for your words and friendship💜