When I began homeschooling my sons I was constantly filling with expectations and assumptions about what we should be achieving. Those turned into disappointments for myself, my wife, and my sons. Happiness and peace became ever more elusive. We were floundering when I finally gave up on “teaching.” I became a facilitator, there to carefully listen to and watch these young humans whom I loved, and to take them the places they needed to go. Whether it was a book, museum, nature program, road trip, or simple playground, my role became to observe their thirst and lead them to water.
I slowly learned that I had to trust in their self-navigation, not only allow them to go down seemingly useless avenues, but to encourage their journey. I reminded each to own it.
Each avenue is paved with questions. Humans are natural question-making machines and we are so much better at this fundamental skill when we are young. By watching and listening I have rediscovered my own passion for discovery. I’ve gone down the paths cut by my own questions. I’ve allowed myself to be carried along and have found ever deeper questions.
These skills: listening, watching, and questioning in love have changed the way I interact with people. I’m quieter, I see and hear more. I try to treat everyone as someone I could love. It’s remarkable to listen to someone as if they are your closest family. Intimacy becomes something beyond physical touch. It becomes an act of vulnerability, a moment you can share with a near stranger. If you find a person who is willing to string enough of those moments together, you can create a space where physical intimacy is an extension of the loving attentiveness. Listening, watching, and questioning in love without assumptions.
The last benefit I expected to accrue from unschooling was to become a more complete romantic partner. As I apply the principles of love and trust to more of my thoughts and actions, I am consistently rewarded and continually more capable of caring for those I love.
God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason