I’ve spent a lot of time in dark recesses. In my quest for self improvement I’ve become preoccupied with discomfort. I’ve burned away layer upon layer of needless coverings. I’ve come to spend much of my time in the ashes of the Phoenix.
It took a friend’s compassion to remind me why I was digging so far down. My search for my darkest parts was becoming an exercise in self flagellation. As I again opened myself to romance I felt every fear, every mistake, and every doubt I picked up along the last 12 months. I felt unworthy, unready, and destined for failure. Then, I decided to put that burden down. I picked up the lessons, strength, and love I have gained. I picked up the last 12 years of love and marriage I had with Mary. I picked up as much of the past as I need and shed the rest.
I feel worthy again. I feel fully present. Present for myself, my boys, and anyone who is willing to meet me in the moment.
God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason