I’ve cultivated my faith in love. Long before I discovered the critical need for self-love, I found fulfilling love in others. Most notably, in the woman I was married to for more than a quarter of my life. We thought it was enough to love and be loved, to create a family on a foundation of joint love. There was a dangerous assumption in that groundwork: that our union would last to the end of our days and that there was plenty of time before we faced that end.
When she died and that union was broken, I felt her pouring her love on me from Heaven. I was still feeding off an external source, and it faded and fuzzed like memories.
Through romance and heartbreak I found the true place to cultivate love: within. I was broken and lonely when Louise Hay started speaking to my heart. Jordan Peterson gave me a personal map as I continued to pour my love out on others, expecting reciprocation. He turned “Love thy neighbor as you love youself” around from how I had thought of it. He said, “Treat yourself as someone you are in charge of caring for.” I had been a lot better at loving my neighbors than loving myself.
I’ve used that as a guidepost as I work on saying, “No.” I check in with myself first, “Have I taken care of myself? Have I prepared my mind, body, and spirit for this challenge?” I still dive in and struggle with “No,” but I’m getting better. I can measure my energy levels better, scan my body, and take spiritual inventory. Just taking the time to check my supply closet clears my head in decision making.
I continue to grow the love I have within and share it generously. Every day becomes a better gift to my Self and those I love.
God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason
