I hear the Holy Spirit speak to me outside. A breeze across my arm can send my thoughts Heavenward. A blue sky can carry me lightyears away. Birds and beasts distract me from earthly concerns. They take me out of my mind and into the moment.
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This moment was one year ago. The quietest birthday I had in a long time. One year as a widower and I had lost friends, family, even a lover.
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I was learning to love myself. Baby steps as I started to discover how much self love I was lacking. It was easy to get away with while married. Mary and I loved each other more than enough to cover up each other’s missing pieces.
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This year has seen stark contrast of fear and joy. Discontent, followed by peace, then more discontent, perhaps less biting, then peace, deeper and broader.
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Today I’m going to watch a friend be put to rest. My tears are prodigious, but not desperate, not for myself. I’ll see more storms, this one isn’t mine. It’s the storm of a mother and three beautiful children. Another widowed parent in our black club.
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So, off we go. The branch won’t hold us for long and the sky beckons. What’s out there in the infinite sky? Danger, adventure, sustenance, fear, love, all the things.
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I’ll continue to listen for the Holy Spirit to guide my way through all of it.
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God bless and thank you for reading,
Jason