Not X Enough

My growth mindset has an inherent contradiction, a paradox that must be applied as a balance. The idea is to go to bed greater than the person who woke up that day, but to do so is to admit that each day I am not waking up to all that I can be.

A couple of my daily affirmations speak to this: “All is right in my world,” and “I am change.” If all is right, why would I change?

Change is involuntary, it is the turbulent flow of life. Engaging that flow and meeting it where it is propels me.

I got back outside for my intentional breathing and meditation this morning. I spent December in a funk and didn’t find a rhythm during our early January road trip.

As I stepped outside with my mat, I thought, “Oh, it’s not cold enough.” Then the thoughts cascaded and I compared myself to the folks on the Wim Hof groups who roll in the snow, break ice to swim in Scandanavian lakes, and retain their breath for minutes at a time. I thought of how slow my growth seems, how I’m not pushing myself enough, and how poor my focus is.

Then I rolled my mat out, lied down, and looked up at this.

I’ve grown fond of this view. It’s been more than a month since I took it in and it brought me back to the peace and hope I received when I started this practice in April.

I remembered that I am enough because there’s no other way to be in the present. I know that it is the path to being greater and more present in the next moment.