I skipped my Wim Hof Method breathing and cold therapy today. It’s been a long time since I missed a day. I showered late last night and slept in today. We got going on adventures with friends early and I didn’t think much of it.
The lack of intention rolled on through the day. Small impositions and improper self care wore on me. As time for dinner came close, I realized I was too hungry and too tired. The awareness of it wasn’t enough. I screamed at my sons for fighting (oh yeah, that’s a good model of conflict resolution). I threw things that were left out of place (look at that, more modeling of hurtful behaviour).
I finally broke down and hugged them, apologized, and hugged them again.
The pain I caused them and the anguish I caused myself seem unforgivable. It took someone’s loving words to remind me that I am not perfect. I’ve been on this intentional journey of positive parenting for more than two years. I’ve made great improvements in our lives because of it. Our house is more full of love than ever.
These backslides are difficult, even in the bright light of those improvements.
But, as I was told tonight, I should give myself grace. And I will.