My friends have used more colorful language, but let’s just say that my single-dad dating life has been “active.”
I’ve had romantic relationships with a divorced mother, a divorced woman with no kids, a woman with no marriage history nor children, and flirtations with women in different family structures. If nothing else, I’ve avoided a pattern. Through mostly wonderful experiences, I’ve avoided repetition and made a cornucopia of mistakes.
Now I’m here, building a relationship with a single mom who was never married. Our children are close in age and this is a new set of circumstances for us both. We love what is happening between us and share a healthy amount of terror when it comes to each other’s children.
We’ve passed initial tests of not being abhorrent to these little humans, either in our own personhoods or within the relationship. There even appears to be a fondness shared by all parties involved. Hopes are running high.
We are hyper-aware of the stakes. We’ve each seen our children treated well below what they deserve by romantic partners and it is a challenge to balance being on guard and showing grace.
Our children are young enough to need strong adult role models in their lives, yet we each battle against our stubborn single-parent habits of self reliance. Our respect for each other’s space in this regard also runs high. No one wants to step on toes, kids and parents alike.
We’re still ourselves. The children are all likable (Thank God) and there seems to be abundant space and time for these complex relationships to grow into their natural forms. One struggle is that my partner and I are not patient people, we see the good things that are coming and want to pounce. We care for these children and want to squeeze them. We’re supporting each other and constantly talking about not moving too quickly.
I feel in a good place. We talk a lot, all of us. None of us are especially shy about our feelings and that helps. We’ll know if something isn’t working. We all want the others to be happy and safe, there’s a positive vibe. We’re also a bunch of clowns, jokesters, and pranksters. Our time together is mostly filled with laughter and clever jabs. It all feels right.
We’ll continue to work on taking things slowly and, most importantly, listening to our children. God brought our families together for something good. We’re intent on preserving that good and I can’t wait to see where we go from here.