I watched a man die through text and email updates. I didn’t know him well, but he was one of the important educators in my sons’ lives.
I hated every update because my heart told me what was inevitable. I proudly refer to my optimism as “stupid” and “irrational,” but I do not ignore reality when the path is crystal clear. The news of his ailment and hospital admission mirrored my journey at my wife’s side as she faded from life.
Like Mary, and many of us, he was disconnected from his body. Long before hospital intervention I am sure he was using multiple pharmaceuticals. By design, they assist us in ignoring what our bodies are telling us.
Much like grief and difficult emotions, physical discomfort is something most of us do not want to deal with. Whether through intervention or mental tricks (e.g., “I guess this is what getting old feels like.”), we don’t listen to ourselves. We miss the signals that communicate important information.
I’m not blaming Mary or this gentleman. It took a tragedy for me to get here. Five years ago you wouldn’t be able to find a person that didn’t think Mary or I was healthy. Alcohol, pharmaceuticals, coffee, and a signifigant portion of our eating was slowly killing us. It weakened Mary enough to be vulnerable. It could have been me, maybe a couple years later due to my age, genetics, and physical activity, but had I stayed in that routine, I would have not survived the flu at 47.
No one but me could have seen any of that. Keeping up appearances and self medicating hid my vulnerabilities, even from myself.
If you end up in a hospital, you’re not going to come out healthier. Maybe you’ll come out alive, but getting healthy will be a longer mental, physical, and spiritual road after a hospital stay.
There is only today. Today you can opt not to take the aspirin, reach out to that healer you follow on Instagram, or simply give yourself 15 minutes of quiet to feel what parts of your body are asking for attention. It is a type of prayer, ask God for guidance. Reconnecting with your body is not easy or fun. It is okay to ask for help. God wants you to be healthy and happy because He loves you. Accept that love and then give some of it back to yourself.