I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and my gave himself for me.
-Galatians 2:20
“You know you can’t live on God’s grace alone.” A neighbor, a nominal Christian, said this to me.
I didn’t respond, “Fucking watch me.” I wanted to.
I was in front of my house and 48 hours hadn’t passed since Mary died.
She was referring to the fact that Mary was the breadwinner of the family and I was the lead educational facilitator (she’d probably choose, “stay-at-home dad”). Surely, I must be thinking about providing for my family. No bother to the fact that I had practical, terrifying tasks immediately before me, including planning a memorial for a wife who had been in fine health two weeks ago.
God was daring me through this poor woman’s lack of faith to find a greater faith of my own.
I return to that moment when I lack resolve. I return to the feeling in my chest when I feel weak. I recall that verbal challenge when it feels like the world is in opposition to what’s best for me and my sons.
I’ve lived an impossible life since becoming a widower because of faith in Jesus Christ. He has guided me and strengthened me when no one else could. Sometimes that strength comes from living in direct opposition to material attachments.
That neighbor gave me a gift, the perfect anti-Christian slogan to drive me away from worldly concerns.
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