Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
-Micah 7:8
Sometimes, widowhood means sitting in darkness.
Having a girlfriend experience similar symptoms to my late wife’s illness is enough to bring the darkness close. I trust in God’s light and a robust spiritual practice has held me safe in recent days.
My resolve was tested by a song. Iggy Pop’s “I Wanna Be Your Dog” is as attached to the week Mary and I spent in the hospital as David Bowie’s “Rock ‘N Roll With Me” is attached to our wedding day.
The song was covered in spectacular form as we watched Cruella. It didn’t take me back to the hospital, but I felt the looming darkness tighten around me, “So messed up/I want you here.”
It’s a small light right now, but I know I am here in it. I remember the rainbow waterfalls of loving light that poured from Heaven when Mary ascended. I know that light and love is always available for me to receive.
I have let the darkness get close, but it will not remain so.
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