365 Devotionals: Disapproval

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
-Galatians 1:10

I’m getting, at least, half of this right.

I was told I should use my energy to be honest with my children about the threat they pose to their loved ones.

And what if I shared that “truth”? What happens when a loved one gets sick and dies, as is inevitable in a life full of loving support? How do my sons not feel responsible for that death? How could I curse them with a guilt that I know too well? A guilt they may already feel over their mother’s passing?

I will not gain the approval of someone who says my sons are dangerous carriers of disease. Does that get me closer to God? Further from the prince of lies?

In other madness-of-our-times news, a friend is watching her husband slip away in a hospital that won’t let her, nor their children, say what they need to say to him at his bedside.

I remember the moments between hopelessness and resolution, discovering in my heart that I would never see my wife’s smile again. I was by her side the entire time. We felt each other in that room when our souls said, Goodbye.

Those are some of the most important moments in my life. God let me watch her rise to Heaven. I needed that vision when I was alone with her mortal coil. I needed that vision to balance the horrors of that day.

The cruelty to separate people in times of trauma and loss is incalculable. My anger at supporters of Lockdown reddens my eyes to tears. I would burn that place down trying to get in. I would say Fuck You to the whole world.

I wouldn’t please anyone. That’s my overcorrection.

Martin Luther King Jr. taught to love the oppressor, as Jesus teaches us to love our neighbor. My heart struggles to grow big enough and my mind strains under the weight of that injunction.

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