Language is one of the strangest things about widowhood. The marriage is legally disolved, is her family still my “in-laws”? No one posseses the children in my charge, but they are “ours.” The decisions my wife and I made for our family are relevant today, so I often say “my wife and I” in present terms. Yet, I have a loving girlfriend…try dropping those relationship terms without context.
You get used to the weirdness, but it is unusual to be a widowed parent of minors, it will always be weird.