God Put Me Here

God continually reminds me that He loves me and has my back.

I had a lazy morning today and didn’t feel good about it. I wasted a lot of time and justified it because I would attend rehearsal
with my boys all afternoon.

It was so lazy that I didn’t eat a proper breakfast. I dropped my sons at rehearsal and visited a local cafe to fuel myself for a more productive afternoon. While I was waiting for a delicious Korean Sammy, a recently widowed friend walked in.

It is strange to me how many widows I know and how many I knew before they lost their spouse. Stranger still are these moments that place me in the same room as these widows. God has called me to the most unexpected mission.

More like a series of missions. I first felt in sync with God’s will when I came home from my career to take care of my sons full time. It had not been my plan, neither was home education, nor widowhood. I’ve experienced more than a decade of surprises. In each change I have come closer to God and His plan for me.

This was the first time I have seen this friend since she lost her husband. We had a few minutes and she opened up to me about as much as might be appropriate in a sunny coffee shop. Both of us had watery eyes as she left with her order. It was an ambush for each of us. Grief doesn’t let you go for long, or it lets you go for only as long as is necessary for healing.

It doesn’t let go for long, but I’ve learned to return the embrace when it takes hold of me.