I don’t always know where I end and other people begin.
Everyone has personal shit to deal with, not everyone is engaging with it. I have a friend who is wrestling with weight and motivation issues. He’s a sweet guy who uses humor to cover his hurt. I also see him breaking that pattern and opening up and being vulnerable. He’s honest about his struggles.
I could feel his pain today and tried to help. I tried to encourage him as I see the effort he is putting into self improvement and how the back slides feel like failure.
I concluded with a handshake and reassurance of my presence in helping his journey. I said, “Have a happy New Year,” but I saw his face and knew that it was a big ask. “Please,” I added. Maybe it wasn’t the right word, but I do want that for him and I know that happiness can come in unexpected packages, just as it leaves without notice.
I think I’ll send him a note. “Don’t feel pressure to have a happy anytime. That doesn’t make anything better. Feel your feels. Continue being genuine. You’re wrestling with big demons, they won’t let you enjoy it. Do not forget that you are fighting while others are slaves to their demons.”
The only advice I can give is that which I need to attend to. It’s frustrating to always feel like there are more demons to dredge up from the past, near and far. It’s also the call I have been given from God. I’m blessed with purpose in this life. It’s uncomfortable and painful when empathizing leaves me near tears that don’t feel like my own. It’s the strangest part of me to re-emerge since widowhood. I kind of hate it, but I am more grateful that my true self is being revealed.
God bless you. Have a happy New Year. Please.