Skip the Debate, Try Listening

My father taught me how to debate and I have taught my sons.

Although most people are terrible at debating, it is an overrated skill.

What I am striving to teach myself and model for my sons is Listening.

Debating is about power, whether subtle persuasion or overt rhetorical dominance. Listening is about love. What stands out in the Gospel is how Jesus listened and responded to people. I learned too late in life that listening might be the most powerful form of love. In the least, it is a way we can love those who are strangers to us, whether they be foreign in ideology, culture, or any rooted identity.

You make more friends with listening. You learn more. Through this seemingly simple act, you can model the way you live and really persuade people that you are doing something they want a piece of. That’s the persuasion I want to excercise in the world. A persuasion of the heart, so that the person I deeply disagree with walks away from our conversation and proceeds to listen to someone they disagree with. We can all keep disagreeing, but I doubt we’ll enter greater conflict after we’ve listened to one another.

On the practical end, Yes, I would start with the New Testament. Watch Jesus with strangers, enemies, and his closest companions. He is the same Listener to them all.

Next, Iove Lex Fridman and Joe Rogan. Fridman has many guests he disagrees with and handles them with loving grace. Rogan has less challenging guests, but he is an impeccable listener. I believe it is why he is so popular. This skill is as rare as diamonds.

All that said, I still have a blood thirsty debater thrashing around inside me. The most civil and informative debate venue I know is The Soho Forum. Scott Horton recently destroyed Bill Kristol on American military interventions and it was delicious, especially since I formerly held Kristol’s position, until my transformation into a loving, listening, follower of Christ began.