“Dad, did Mom like this singer?”
Music is the constant and everlasting reminder of the mother and wife we lost.
The emotional swell of a song can lead me to the narrow, indefinite space between peak joy and cavernous sadness.
I had to think about Westen’s question. I didn’t know Brittany Howard‘s name before I started researching the Bourbon & Beyond lineup. I was, however, familiar with her previous band, Alabama Shakes. Mary was too. They grabbed our attention in 2012 with a Daytrotter Session. Daytrotter was our only source for new music as we navigated the first years of parenthood.
They were on our list to go see, a list that only grew as we took little time away from the boys for other passions.
I get to keep working on that list. I get to introduce them to the bands and music Mary loved. I get to show them the camping and concert tricks Mary taught me. I get to weave her into their lives in conscious and subconcious ways.
This introduction was unintentional. Howard’s solo work is different than her earlier work with the Shakes and I didn’t expect the music Mary knew to be played. Even so, Mary visited Westen and put that question in his head. She likes the new material, she approves of Howard preaching Love from Him above. There isn’t a lot of that at these events. It moved Mary to show up and…I don’t know exactly. Maybe to let me know she wasn’t missing out on anything. That’s what makes me most sad about her passing. Even as my current life is entirely incompatible with the life I had with her, it is dreadfully sad to watch her boys grow up without her.
So she shows up and reminds us that they are not without her.
I wonder if she is there in that octopus’s eyes.