Widowhood is fighting hard to ruin music for me. It seems like there are more songs that inspire sadness than happiness. Even the happy feelings are often intruded upon by, “Mary would have loved this song.”
After six years, a ton of widowed friends, dozens (hundreds?) of group meetings and therapy sessions, a billion words spilled here, and countless efforts to engage with my healing, this is the most persistent manifestation of my grief.
On this coming weekend, six years ago, I took my sons to our first music festival as a family of three.
We danced our asses off to Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band. Isaac was on my shoulders for most of the set and I don’t know how I didn’t slip and fall in the mud.
Their cover of “Lay Your Burden Down” broke me. I was drenched in sweat, puddle water, and tears, “Mary would have loved this moment.”
That musical weekend kicked off a roadtrip full of emotional release and exploration, maybe a lifetime.
Of course, I wouldn’t trade one moment of music sadness. Each one is a reminder of how rich our lives were together.