Author: Jason Zerbey

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An Almost Fail

My younger son, Isaac, remains a moving target of satisfaction.

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It was a hot day at the Philadelphia Folk Festival, but we were all set up and there was little work to do. My sons are responsible enough to stay at camp or go their own way while I enjoy the music I want to see. I don’t compel them to do much. Still, with this freedom, and plenty of his favorite reading material, he was surly.

We headed out all together to see later afternoon music and between the five of us (three Zerbeys and my girlfriend and her daughter) it took a while to get to the desired stage. I was frustrated and pulled them into the next tent with music pouring out.

We sat down to check out Cat Ridgeway and the Tourists and I was immediately captured by the seven-piece band and Cat’s powerful vocals. They reeled me in with an inventive mash-up of Janis Joplin’s “Piece of my Heart” and Steve Miller Band’s “Space Cowboy.”

Isaac had been so cranky that I didn’t really check in woth him until the end of the set. He was genuinely enthusiastic, “Dad, that was my favorite artist so far.”

Cat was breaking down her gear and all was quiet around the area, “Buddy, she’ll love to hear that, go tell her.” He got shy, but I wasn’t having it. I tried to lead him by the hand back to the stage, but he resisted (and giggled). I picked him up clumsily and onlookers must have been confused. He toppled a couple folding chairs as I carried him to the stage, “This is Isaac and he wants to tell you something.” Isaac didn’t hesitate in saying, “I liked your music.” I said, “That is not what you told me, come on.” He reluctantly added, “You’re my favorite at the fest.”

Cat was appreciative and dug out a guitar pick for him.

She’s playing again on Sunday and we’re all excited for another set. Isaac has already scoped out the Cat Ridgeway shirt he wants to get signed and has higher hopes for the rest of the fest.

I’ll be sure to get pictures of that encounter to share here.

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Another Day One

A technical problem broke my blogging streak while we were camping at Philadelphia Folk Fest. I learned a few things (although didn’t find the precise problem) and there’s always value in that.

As exciting as it was, the festival was draining. We left late the last night instead of staying because of an incoming storm. I lacked motivation for the rest of the week and didn’t take care of myself. I haven’t been doing Wim Hof Method (WHM) breathing for more than a year. When I got the blog back up, I hesitated to post. I put off a lot of things for the last seven days.

I thank God for each new day. Although it wasn’t very early, I went outside and returned to my five rounds of WHM breathing and now I’m waiting for yoga to begin.

In the parlance of our times, I’m back on my shit.

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Preparations

We’ve waited two long years for a big concert festival. As a family, we lost those experiences forever. Lockdowns took away outdoor entertainment, one in a series of unscientific, arbitrary, and harmful measures that have reduced the health and quality of life for billions around the globe.

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Tomorrow we head out to the Philadelphia Folk Festival for four nights of music and camping. My girlfriend and her daughter are joining us and I get to share some of Mary’s favorite music with them. Having mostly missed out on concerts for two years, I’m sure to be extra emotional when I hear Michael Franti and Dom Flemons (my younger son was one year old when he first saw the Carolina Chocolate Drops) perform some of our favorites. The joyous tears just might out do the grieving ones.

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Much Ado

With all the mentions of Shakespeare here I’ve been remiss in sharing about my older son’s work behind the scenes on Pages Alive Theater‘s production of Much Ado About Nothing.

He was a student director and gained accolades from the head of the program, parents, and actors. His responsibilities demanded a calmness and focus that I don’t see when he’s on stage. He looked very much like he does when he’s competing in jiu-jitsu, moving with intentional, singular focus.

At the cast party he got an award for being an undercover superhero. Cool and unassuming, while tackling grand tasks.

He’s ready to be back on stage. I believe he will carry this seriousness into his next role and I can’t wait to witness the results.

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365 Devotionals: Touch

The Lord said to Moses, “Take Joshua son of Nun, a man in whom is the spirit, and lay your hand on him. Give him some of your authority so the whole Israelite community will obey him.”
-Numbers 27:18, 20 NIV

Mary brought physical touch into my life in a way I had not experienced. She was a hugger and I wasn’t. I came from a physically reserved family and this was a new and awkward rhythm for me.

Having children broke apart the awkwardness. Our boys fell asleep in my arms so many times. To this day we wrestle and hug and kiss and tickle and, with the recent introduction of the Punch Buggy game into our lives, hit each other a lot.

It wasn’t until I lost Mary that I saw how much I valued touch. I’ve talked with a lot of widows and widowers and the loss of frequent, intimate touch is the most commonly felt agony.

I hug my boys more than ever. I relish the contact in soccer as much as any other aspect. Jiu-jitsu is the ultimate in physical contact in a safe environment. My romantic relationships have also taken on a greater level of attention to physical contact.

I experience God primarily through nature and people. Touching the ground and the trees and even spider webs connects me to all of God’s creation. Similarly, physical touch connects me to the whole of humanity. It is intense and can be frightening, but on the whole, I experience great love through the connection to Creation.

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365 Devotionals: Discernment

You must distinguish between the unclean and the clean.
-Leviticus 11:47 NIV

Gradually it was disclosed to me that the line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either — but right through every human heart — and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained. And even in the best of all hearts, there remains … an unuprooted small corner of evil.

Since then I have come to understand the truth of all the religions of the world: They struggle with the evil inside a human being (inside every human being). It is impossible to expel evil from the world in its entirety, but it is possible to constrict it within each person.

-Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, in ‘The Gulag Archipelago 1918-1956‘

This ain’t easy business.

I can’t improve on Solzhenitsyn, but I can ruminate on the Biblical challenge to discern between good and evil.

They are mixed together in each of us. Just as the balance of good and evil moves in others, it moves in us.

Watching my internal dance between good and evil and order and chaos (different dances, yet interrelated) is key for me to discern between good and evil in the world.

I commune with my heart in the night; I meditate and search my spirit
-Psalm 77:6 RSV

I can only seek the constant good of God once I have come to know the ever changing nature of myself. Another dance. I commune with God and know myself better. I commune with myself and know God better. The journeys are intertwined.

Disclosure: The links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.